7 Truths You May Be Running From
Bud / 
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April 20th, 2010 / 
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If I were to ask if you were a runner, what would you say? Before you answer let me be clear, I’m not referring to a person who goes out every morning and jogs a few miles. Instead, I’m talking about the person who runs away from the truths of everyday life.
Whether you consider yourself a runner or not, the reality is, we all run from truths we don’t wish to accept. Some of us like to run more than others, but in the end everyone is a runner. Many go to great lengths to avoid facing reality and in the process end up miserable. Personally, I’ve done enough “running” in my life to qualify for a gold medal at the Olympics. But at the end of the day, we can only run so long.
Contrary to popular belief, personal growth is not all about being positive and in a zen state 24/7. It’s certainty important to look at the positive aspects of life and live in a state of flow, but honest personal growth also requires that you take a hard look at your reality even if it’s not where you want it to be. To get from point A to point B you have to be honest with yourself first.
The following are 7 truths you may be running from and several tips to face them.
You’re Not Healthy
Are you as healthy as you want to be? Be honest. I’m not talking about having a six pack or bulging biceps but rather a life that is congruent with remarkable physical and mental health. If you are living a healthy lifestyle I applaud you, but for those who are not it’s certainly not too late to start now.
If your lifestyle is anything like an “average” American, chances are you aren’t all that healthy. This isn’t something to beat yourself up over however, simply accept where you’re currently at. The first step to change is to acknowledge that changes needs to be made.
Because this article is about facing truths, I’m going to be honest and say that I am not nearly as healthy as I want to be. By no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself overweight, but my physical health is definitely something I need to continue to work on. If I spent as much time physically running as I did metaphorically I’d be set ;).
Action Steps
Be Specific: Getting specific about what you want in regard to health is essential in being at the top of your game. Give yourself specific actions you can take that you know will bring yourself into alignment with better health. Saying, “I need to eat better” is a weak goal to have. Instead be specific: “I’ll replace drinking a glass of whole milk, with a glass of water. Fun Fact: A glass of whole milk has as much saturated fat as 5 pieces of bacon. (Source = Switch)
Start Small: What area can you work on TODAY that will bring you benefits in the long run? Don’t begin with a radical diet/exercise overhaul because you will only burn out. Take small steps that you know you can do on a routine basis. It’s essential to create a routine because routines don’t require motivation as fuel. Take the first step.
Start a Food Journal: Some say this may be a bit excessive, but it gets results. Instead of counting calories, simply write down what it is that you eat. Do this for several weeks and you’ll be sure to find some patterns that may need to fix.
Walk Daily: By far the easiest way to get into the shape you need, is to go on a daily walk. Not only is it good for you, it will give you time to get away and relax. In Healthy At 100, a book on those who live to the age of 100, nearly every Centenarian walked at least an hour a day. Coincidence? I think not.
Your Relationships Are Holding You Back
Unfortunately, many of us cling to relationships that are obviously doing more harm than good. I’ve certainly been there before myself as well. It’s safe to say that you and I both know those kind of relationships, the ones you recognize you need to let go but you just feel you can’t.
Maybe you’re hanging onto a romantic relationship because you’ve been dating for several years and are scared of change. Or perhaps you’re still friends with Johnny, now a serial killer druggie, just because he was your best friend in 3rd grade. Sometimes you need to let go.
Being loyal to an old friend or partner who you are no longer compatible with is only intelligent for so long, then you’re just wasting your time and blocking future relationship possibilities.
This truth can be particularly hard to accept but deep down it’s usually obvious. I’ve dropped a handful of relationships throughout my life because there was no longer the compatibility there once was. Again, I know this isn’t always easy but it’s something we all must face.
Action Steps
Examine Your Relationships: Taking a hard look at your relationships takes a effort, but is also very important. How do you examine your relationships? Literally ask: ” How do I feel about Suzie Q?” Be honest with yourself and how you feel. Don’t splenda coat your answers. Do you feel your social circle is helping you contribute to the world? Does your current friends and family lift you up instead of bring you down? Only you know for certain.
Talk With Those You Love: Part of examining your relationships is having dialogue with those you care about. If you feel as if a certain relationship isn’t helping the both of you, it’s important you talk things out. Putting up with a relationship just because you’re afraid of change is not only selfish, it hurts both of you in the long run. Talking about your relationships can be scary and nerve racking but again that doesn’t change the reality of the situation. Make communication a high priority.
Ask a Friend or Trusted One: If you’re struggling with a particular relationship it can be beneficial to ask someone you trust for advice. Often times an outside source will be able to give you some insights that you may miss. Be open to their opinion as it is likely they have a more objective view than you. Obviously, you don’t have to agree fully with what they say but just be willing to listen. If you’re struggling romantically try asking your best friend an honest prediction of what he or she predicts will happen in the future, this exercise may take courage but can be very mind opening.
You’re Indifferent About Your Career
[If you're working a job you LOVE you can safely skip this section. Don't worry... I still love you.]
Although I’ve yet to have an official career, I know what it is like to struggle through work you can’t stand. I honestly believe if you’re simply content with your current career you’re being selfish. That may be harsh to say, but there is simply no reason you can’t be doing work you’re completely passionate about.
Sure, you have to make money to pay the bills and provide for your family, but putting in the extra work to create a meaningful career is well worth the energy and will allow you to contribute far more value into the world.
Realizing that you aren’t currently enjoying your career is the first step to creating one in which you do.
Action Steps
Start Your Own Projects: If you aren’t currently happy with your career there are a plethora of options for you to consider. Starting side projects don’t require that you quit your job or tell your boss he’s fat, but it will require a bit of extra effort on your part. Accept those facts and get moving. Start now.
Realize There IS a way out: If you can’t fathom working a career that you love,it’s time you realize what age we’re in. I hate to sound cliche but anything is possible. There are plenty of people “crushing it” on a daily basis all because they realize what is attainable.
Change Your Friends: Again, changing your friends may seem a bit harsh, but so is going to a job you hate everyday. If you’re surrounded by people who only wish to remain in the status quo, it’s no wonder you feel suffocated by what you call work. If you really wish to start contributing, it is likely in your best interest to create a new social circle that will support your future dreams and aspirations. It’s not totally necessary to cut all ties, but certainly something to consider. Work with a best friend? Bring them along.
What Are You Passionate About? Maybe you’ve been stuck in a dead end job for far too long and don’t even know what you’re passionate about. Not a problem. Open up a word document and do some journaling. Ask yourself questions like: If money was not an option what would I love to do? What brings me joy? See where those questions take you, then work to make it happen.
Your Fears Are Keeping You Grounded
Why do we run? In short, it’s because we are afraid. Seth Godin likes to say it’s because of our Lizard Brain. Regardless, being afraid isn’t particularly helpful in reaching our goals and dreams.
Healthy Fears: Being afraid of snakes
Stupid Fears: Everything else.
I find it remarkable how much energy we waste on fearing situations and outcomes that don’t have a remote chance in actually happening. If you live in a constant state of fear it’s nearly impossible to lead a tribe or create a revolution.
It’s unrealistic to believe we can knock fear out completely, but we can certainly attack the bastard once he stands up.
Action Steps
Be Bold: When I attended Steve Pavlina’s Conscious Growth Workshop in January (think what you will), we did a variety of power exercises that helped us get out of our comfort zones. This included going up on stage to sing, or asking a person who was playing the slot machines what year it was. Pushing yourself doesn’t require much other than a bit of courage. Tell that Starbucks girl you think she’s beautiful. Say thank you to the professor that has changed the way you thought. Be bold.
If You Knew What You Couldn’t Fail: What actions would you take if you knew you could not fail? I realize this is an often cheesy question cited in several dozen personal development books, but it is a powerful thought exercise nonetheless. What would you do if you couldn’t fail? I can’t hear you.
Do What You’re Afraid of: Considering this post is littered with hundreds of painful cliches, I figure I’m on a roll so without further a do: Do what you’re afraid of. To over come any fears that hinder your success you must face them. If I would have let my fears get the best of me, you wouldn’t be reading this post right now.
You’re More Remarkable Than You Think
Ah! So the personal development blog is finally positive! Yes wise one, very nice of you to notice. (With that failed Yoda moment let us continue.)
I hate to burst your I-feel-sorry-for-my-self-bubble, a bubble we all live in from time to time, but you are more remarkable than you think.
Unfortunately, because of social conditioning and being thrown in a locker everyday of the 3rd grade, ( that never happened to you?) we often feel as if we offer nothing of value to the world. But that couldn’t but farther from the truth.
STOP THINKING THAT YOU’RE NOT REMARKABLE (CAPS mean I’m screaming.) I promise no matter who you are or where you’re from you having something to give to the world. Don’t believe me? Send me an email and I’d be happy to help you.
Here’s the truth: Being remarkable scares you. Knowing that you can create long lasting changing is hard to wrap your mind around. But the reality is we can do all those things and more. You are more remarkable than you think.
NO ACTIONS STEPS BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO BE REMARKABLE.
You Like To Be Unhappy
Feeling high off positivity after hearing you’re more remarkable than you think? Back to reality ;) You like to be unhappy.
It might be odd to hear that you like to be unhappy because that goes against common sense. All I want is to BE HAPPY you might say. Yet many of your actions aren’t congruent with that statement. Don’t worry I like being unhappy from time to time too.
Obviously, we don’t really want to be unhappy, yet many times our actions and thoughts don’t allow us to experience the state of flow we all want and desire.
Action Steps
Become More Mindful of Your Thoughts: Becoming mindful of your thoughts will quickly lead you into noticing various thought patterns you may have. Throughout the day notice the language you choose to use. Warning: you may be fairly surprised.
Notice How Much You Complain: Complaining is your way of saying to the world I want to be unhappy, yet so many of us do so on a regular basis. Simply becoming aware of how much you complain will really wake you up to how lucky you are. Try going an entire day without complaining.
Create A Gratitude Journal: To combat your tendency to complain try the opposite approach. When you feel the urge to complain about the guy who just cut you off, be thankful that you have a car to drive. I’m not talking about superficial gratitude but rather being sincere in all the blessings you have. I like to express my gratitude right before I go to sleep.
Your Habits Suck
We like to think we have everything figured out, that our daily routine is effective for everyone involved. But rarely is that the case.
It’s safe to say that if you’re not currently living the life you want your habits are to blame.
Again, since this post is about being honest, the last 6 months I’ve struggled with creating habits that will get me to where I want to be. Only recently have I realized (or stopped running) from the truth. I’m currently in the process of making great habits that I know will take me where I want to be.
Action Steps
Start a 30 day trial: The best way to change a bad habit is to start a 30 day trial supporting a new and improved one. I’ve done several of these with wonderful success. I’m certainly not the first person to suggest a 30 day trial but I can attest to how beneficial they have been for me.
Write Down Your Activities For The Day: Writing down everything you do for one day will really open your eyes to how little you actually accomplish. You don’t have to have every hour of your calendar filled to have a productive day, instead do work that really matters then you can sleep at night.
What Habits Do You Want? Take a moment and think about the habits you think would help you reach your goals. Start small and aim to implement these habits at a pace in which you can keep up. You may struggle in establishing a habit but it will be worth it in the end.
Stop Running
Whether you like to admit it or not, we all run from truths from time to time. Instead of running from a reality take a moment to consciously face your current situation.
Being honest with yourself is perhaps one of the greatest characteristics you can have, because only when you are honest with yourself can you begin to change.
No matter how strong you think you are, you can’t run forever. Facing reality may be difficult and you may struggle, but it is far better than turning your back from the truth. As Shakespeare once said “Cowards die a thousand deaths.”
What truths are you running from? Were there any that I missed? I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts below.
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
Amazing post seriously. Very real truths with very real actionable steps after each one.
I’m reading “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks right now and I think of any of the above truths the one that could be the root of all of the other truths is the “You like to be Unhappy.”
I don’t mean to generalize but I know myself in the past and many people I coach or come into contact with can addicted to unconsciously staying within their comfort zone around money, health, relationships & spiritually speaking. EVEN IF IT”S CONSCIOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
Lots of us are running on those internal programs unconsciously that we picked up as kids. We say we want to change, but don’t.
It’s crazy but it makes so much more sense based on Gay’s book.
Curious what others think?
Thanks Tony! Glad to see your comment showed up.
I’ve heard Gay Hendricks is a stellar author but I’ve yet to check out his work. I think I might do so.
Pushing our limits is the key to living a fulfilling life.
another great post bud!
Come on dude I already knew that
Add to the conversation!
Great post. I actually just talked about something like this on my blog. I was a big time runner in the relationships category for quite some time, and now that I’ve stopped running and let go of harmful relationships, I’m on a much clearer, much happier path.
I also think the “You Like to be Unhappy” section could be a big wake up for many folks. I know some Negative Nancy’s who could stand to read your blog.
Thanks.
Coach J,
Be sure to tell those negative Nacy’s to vist the blog.. the more the merrier
Glad to hear you’ve stopped “running.”
Hey Bud!
Very cool article, one of your best ones in the last couple weeks! I can see you put a lot of effort into it but I think that it’s justified because this post really has the potential to help a lot of people!
Have an awesome week!
Diggy
Thanks man. The idea actually came to me yesterday. It was very inspired article. Took me getting up at 7:30 A.M and four hours of writing to complete.
Hope all is well bro.
I can’t say enough good things about this post, Bud! And yea, if I’m totally honest with myself I’m running from say… about all of these. I think the hardest one for me is the habits forming one. Not sure the 30 day thing works by itself, at least for me. All it takes is one or two missed days for it to unravel.
What I like to do is create a “reward system” for accomplishing a task by linking a task I do not like with something I do like. Like my Star Trek and exercise experiment I started in February. I didn’t do it 30 days non-stop (I was did it every day for 2.5 weeks, then… you know) and I wouldn’t say it’s a strong habit yet, but I really start feeling like crap if I go 2-3 days without exercising. It’s a start I can deal with.
Valerie… Thanks for the kind words. It means a lot to me.
In regard to habits I think it is ESSENTIAL you only do ONE 30 day trial at a time. I’m guessing (only guessing) that you’ve come unraveled with your goals because you’re trying to accomplish to much. One 30 day trial completed is far more beneficial that 3 blundered ones
Is that your experience? I’d love to know..
Keep up the good work!
Dude, this post blows my mind!
The part about the gratitude journal is awesome. I’ve recently made the commitment to sincerely and consciously (as in taking specific time aside to do so) express gratitude to one person in my life every day. I can’t tell you how much it affects the quality of my relationships. The jump is insane. I attribute much of my romantic relationship success (huge win in my life at the moment) to expressing gratitude to her DAILY for the gifts she brings to my life. I can’t say enough about gratitude.
For anyone wanting to try to remember to express gratitude, check out http://gratitudelog.com. You even get email reminders once a week or so, and is a great practice if you need it.
Out of all of these, I feel like I need to focus on health – cutting caffeine and getting fit. Just bought a bike and am going 10+ miles a trip already, but more is always good!
Dude… rocking my world right now! Love it.
A gratitude journal is EXTREMELY powerful man. I haven’t been doing it as much as I should (there I go being honest again) but really has helped me out when I’m at a low.
I used Gratitude log but stopped for whatever reason. Maybe I should start up again.
Good luck on your goals mate.
Hi Bud,
Nice post – as you say, the lizard brain means running away is our instinctive reaction to things, yet the only way we learn to grow is to face these things and take them head on.
I wonder though, whether there is room in this for a little sprint?! Is it a good idea to make a little room for yourself so that you can have the best stab at tackling your problems?
Rich
Rich could you elaborate on your sprinting analogy? Are you asking if it’s OK to run from your fears?
I suppose I mean that there is a middle ground between just running from problems, and piling into them – to ensure you deal with what you must carefully, thoughtfully, and effectively.
For example, you are smoking 40 a day, you can:
a) Run from the problem and tell yourself you can quit when you like;
b) Face your problem full on – quit cold turkey. And risk falling off the wagon; or
c) Have short sprint – you acknowledge you have a problem, work out that you’re best scaling down to 30 a day, then 20 etc, and seeking support from your friends.
When you spot a problem, the best approach is not always to slam on the breaks!
Rich
Good point man. Thanks for your clarification. By no means am I suggesting you go cold turkey on anything. As I suggested in the post it’s important you take small steps.
Bud:
That was an absolutely amazing, insightful post! You need to stretch those steps out into a book. I am really grateful that you wrote and shared those thoughts.
Mike
I thought about that as soon as I hit publish. I’ve got something to work with. Thanks for the suggestion man.
I really needed to hear this today — my 1 year anniversary at a job I’m, frankly, dispassionate about. Coincidentally, my blog is about running. Hmmm.
Thank you for writing this.
The health one is huge for me. I’ve been active all my life and am really stepping it up now running every day and removing excess and unhealthy foods from my diet.
Focusing on health so much lately, unhealthy habits of my friends and coworkers become so apparent. I used to think that not walking or running wasn’t unhealthy but now I know that it is. If you are not active every single day, you are unhealthy and not making the most of what you can do.
Congrats man. Being active isn’t about going to the GYM in my opinion but rather seizing the opportunities that we have in our everyday life. (Taking the stairs etc..) Thanks for the comment dude.
A friend of mine created a Facebook group called, “Today, I am grateful for,” that is a kind of public gratitude journal that may be fun for some people just to see what it looks like. I’ve been doing it for a few months now and think it is an interesting way to start each day. “What am I grateful for now?” is how I generally view the question and try to think back to the good things of the previous day each time.
Boundaries can be a big issue for a lot of people as I think most people aren’t taught about how to properly set and manage them. Just a thought for another article possibly.
Hey JB..
As Jonathan mentioned in his comment. http://www.gratitudelog.com is an excellent place to be grateful.
Interesting point on boundaries.. Could you expand?
Reading your post first made me feel like being in the twilight zone – Is there this universe thingy that really tries hard to tell me something?
Because just yesterday I had this guy – what’s his name – - – Steve Pavlina (you might have heard about him
– tell me something similar. My first reaction to his idea, that we should base our predictions on the past and not on our best decisions for the future we just made, made me want to run away.
But I stuck with the articles, really digested the info and got new insights, so much that I actually forwarded the post to somebody.
Now reading your post you continue driving down the same point for me! It hurts – but, thank you!
Twilight zone, or not – the universe is out to get me, or not – whatever it is, I got a new direction out of that – much obliged.
Oh man, you really hit a nerve. I definitely fall into several of these scenes, but letting go of a hindering relationship is probably the biggest fear I have. You’ve given me things to think about.
Glad I could help. Email me any specific questions if you need.
Great stuff Bud.
Keep inspiring us!
Great post! I answered the questions and am proud to report that all of the work I did and continue to do is paying off.
BTW: I made the decision years ago to drop 100 lbs. I did, but I gained 60 lbs. back. Not to worry because I lost the 60 lbs. and more because I began my transformation journey and moved to Arizona (hot, hot, hot!) and feel fantastic! Plus, three years ago I decided to quit smoking. I did it on my own without any gum or patches. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything!
Wow Rebecca. Congrats
Very nice roommate. You did a great job with this post. I think you could go very far with this blog stuff you do, not to sound rude that is by calling it stuff. I really loved the, Your Fears Are Keeping You Grounded section. You already know what fear I’ve been having. But yeah I think you did I great job with this keep it up.
Thanks buddy. Love you bro.
Using the 30 day plan for change is effective. I’ve found that by about half way through that period your behavior can really change. For me, the big thing is finding out how to create new challenges to avoid indifference and boredom. One way that I’ve done that is by assessing where I am now and gradually pruning the activities that are not bringing me joy – or at least job satisfaction.
Hey Bud – curious if I somehow offended you as you answer pretty much each comment but ignored me
Merlin,
I’m gonna be honest with you dude. You have to relax.
1. There is absolutely no way ANYTHING you said in your previous comment could have offended me. So stop thinking like that.
2. I actually was in the process of responding to you but my browser crashed and I forgot to go back and re-comment. I have a lot of things going on man, and I’m not perfect. I was not ignoring you at all.
Bro,
look, how relaxed I am
simple thing – browser crash – that’s why I always follow up when some communication over the internet does not appear to be right. Mostly it’s something technical and I don’t allow a technical glitch to spoil my communications, especially with somebody who’s words I cherish.
Reminds me of a funny thing after I moved to Florida all the way from Germany. My first phone call home and the person I talked to displayed some strange behavior. I mean, I knew this person very well and I thought what’s going on, is he mad with me?
Figured it out eventually: the phone conversation went over a satellite which added about half a second delay to getting an answer. As I knew him so well and had lots of experience with his personal respond lag that this added half a second made him appear distant and grumpy or angry even though the other elements of anger where missing. So I was glad to figure out it was just high tech that threw a wrench. (This is looong ago when satellite communication was cool.)
I could definitely relate to the being held back by fears. I started blogging three months ago, and even with all of the anonymity that comes with blogging (i.e. not using my full name, or putting up a picture), fear was still holding me back from really putting myself out there and doing what it took (commenting, guest posting, perusing forums) to get traffic. Well, as you can see, this has ended.This post was really timely for me. Thank you.
WOW, I believe this is your best post to date.
Excellent.
A
I am a family counselor/psychotherapist in South Carolina. My son sent this link to me from Hawaii – He sent it to me and to his sisters for reflection and discussion.
I love it! Thank you so much. It’s well written in language that is easy to understand – simplicity at it’s best. I will use this with my clients and share with my friends and colleagues.
Anna,
Thanks so much for the kind words. That really means a lot to me.
BUUUUD. I remember when you talked to me on Skype telling me that you’re writing a new article, but it wasn’t this one. I still decided to check it out today, and it is amazing- and very true!
Out of 7 of these, I identify the most with the first. I am so unhealthy it’s not even funny. Look, it’s 5:18AM and I’m still not in bed. I wake up at 2PM everyday, and sleep around 12 hours later, if not more. I don’t know how to change! It’s hard cuz I’m so used to it, and if I go to bed earlier, I won’t be able to sleep. Same thing with food and exercise. I haven’t exercised in months and I feel bad about it, yet I don’t do anything. Where can I or where do you get the motivation from? I want to start walking daily. So you recommend to walk an hour a day? I want to start doing that.. I do. I just.. LKJDAF No motivation, you know?
Anyway, I know what you mean with the “You Like Being Unhappy” one. I used to be like that in high school.. I mean I see those people who are happy ALL THE TIME and it just frustrates me. Maybe I’m jealous of what they have? Who knows?
But really great post Bud. Keeeep it up! I’m really inspired by your motivation and determination:)
Start small.
Go for a walk 15 minutes a day. That’s not too hard is it?
As far as motivation goes: read stories that inspire you. Regardless of your situation there are people who are “worse off” than you. You can create change as long as you believe in your ability to do so.
I definitely know how remarkable I am, I’ve done so much with my blog already this year. I think relationships hold me back though. Thanks for this post, it helped me face some denial inside of me.
Congrats man. I’m proud of you.
Very inspiring post Bud!
I haven’t commented on this blog in a while, however this post definitely helped me identify two main truths I have been constantly denying and I would like to thank you
One, my habits are holding me back from being productive, and Two, my fear of stepping out of my comfort zone is stopping me embrace positive change.
Thanks again and I look forward to reading some more of your work,
Dean
Great Article, I’ve put it as my start page in my browser to read it again and again.
I think there is enough value to extract from it, that we all should read it more often than once and leave it “bookmarked as great content” somewhere in the back of our pc.
keep going!
yes, I liked what you said about wanting to be unhappy. This is more widespread than people realize. We all have a red button that we want to push that will self destruct. This is rooted in the constant messages we get form society that we must feel a certain way, the implication that a contrary state is “wrong”, then, as a result, we are not comfortable with whatever it is we’re feeling. Good article.
Regarding “Your habits suck”: I’ve found a website once, called http://habitforge.com/, which helps you getting rid of a bad habit in about 21 days. It does that by sending you an e-mail each day, asking you if you’ve been successful with your task the day before.
It helped me quit smoking about 6 weeks ago. Most important is, that you have to really want to get rid of the habit you’re about to change. I’ve been smoking for almost 10 years and tried to quit a few times, but never really successful (a week tops). This time I was really eager to quit for a lot of reasons. The first few days I got the e-mail I was able to answer yes. Then I smoked a cigarette and had to answer no the next day. The system set me back to zero. That happend a few times and got really frustrating after a while. So I quit quitting and followed through. Like I said, I haven’t smoked one cigarette for 6 weeks now and makes me feel good and proud of myself.
And you’re right, bad habits will hold you back. Smoking is just stupid and a pain in the ass, but, for example, being lazy or withdrawing in the wrong situations, that can really do damage to what you actually wanted. One should pick the most ugly ones and then start to work on them.
Flo