Yet despite what many say, quitting isn’t always a bad choice and in fact can be one of the best decisions you make. Whether that means dropping an old hobby for a new one, or leaving a job to resurrect your broken soul in more fulfilling work. There’s no point sticking around just for the sake of it.

Now to be clear, quitting simply because times get rough is not what I’m talking about. Anything worth having is going to take strength, determination, and a ton of effort. But there are times when calling it quits is the most intelligent choice. Here’s 5 Reasons why.

You’re Doing It Purely For Pride: Staying in a job or obligation you don’t enjoy just because of your pride is one reason many people roll out of bed unhappy. Is carrying that lawyer tag really worth not being content? Is rising to the top really worth sacrificing your integrity? Having pride is a good but only to a certain extent. Don’t let the label of “quitter” keep you on a path that you know has a dead end.

You’re Comfortable: If you want to live a comfortable life by all means do so. But here at PluginID we are all about pushing your comfort zone and growing as a human being, which requires some degree of uncertainty. If you’re current situation leaves you bored to tears and wanting more, maybe it’s time you reevaluate. There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable, but at the end of the day you know there’s so much more to live and experience. If you’re just going though the motions so you don’t get hurt you’re missing out on a thing called life.

Your Heart’s Not In It: Interests change. Passions fluctuate. Don’t become attached to any one piece of your life. It’s easy to continue on a path just because you’ve done it all your life. But if you’re hearts not in it, do what you can to get out. I’m not going to be extreme and say quit your job on the spot, but if it makes sense do what you can to change careers. Start a fund. Get proactive. Find a place where your heart excels.

You’re In It Just For Others: There’s nothing wrong with trying to earn respect from your family and friends. Everyone does it. But there comes a point when you have to live your life for you. That doesn’t mean to be selfish in your endeavors but it also means you shouldn’t be a doormat for people to walk on. I can’t tell you how many people I know who are in certain situations only because they think that’s what their friends and family want. Be honest with those around you. Tell them of your ambitions and goals. Being true to yourself is far better than putting on a fake just to please your loved ones.

You’re Scared: Quitting is scary. So is uncertainty. But don’t let that stop you from switching paths. You’d be surprised at how quickly it is we adapt. When I moved to China I was scared out of my mind. But it turns out moving was a great experience for me in so many ways. Being scared means you care. But it also shouldn’t keep you from moving forward. Not having a job may be scary, but it’s a better alternative then letting your passions die. Stepping down as director of your community may open new doors for you to pursue. Everyone gets scared, it’s those that take action in spite of that fear that always come out on top.

Walking Away

The truth of the matter is many people fill their lives with commitments and jobs they can’t stand. While some obligations are necessary to function in our society, you have plenty more control of your life work and daily routine then you often give yourself credit for.

Taking time to determine if your current path is the one right for you will save you weeks perhaps years of misery, but it does take courage. Realize the longer you sit and settle the harder it will become to finally step up to the plate and acknowledge the complex human being you are.

If you’re currently unsatisfied with the life you’re living realize you have the ability to change it to fit your needs. Stop wasting your valuable time living a life that doesn’t fulfill you.

Is it time you quit? Is your heart nudging you in a entirely new direction? Perhaps it’s time you walk away with your head held high. You’ll thank yourself later.

While I wish I could say that everyone had as many amazing and wonderful experiences as I have, the truth is that many have not. Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re more well off than the majority of the other 6 billion people out there. Just for that you should smile. Today I’d like to take a moment to bring your attention to 7 luxuries you may you forget you have. Nothing sensational in terms of creativity but my hope is it will force you to reflect.

Running Water

Nearly half of the entire world (a generous estimate) does not have running water. That doesn’t count the millions who have running water that isn’t safe to drink. When I wake up in the morning I often gulf down a large glass of water because I’m “dehydrated.” It’s amazing to me how many people aren’t allowed to have that pleasure.

When I lived in China I was fortunate enough to help bringing clean drinking water to small village in the country. I can honestly say it was one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. One of the locals claimed the water to be a miracle because it cured diseases, when in fact it was just because it was clean. Cherish every drop.

Electricity

Again, having lived in China I was presented with a few unique travel opportunities that allowed to witness how scarce electricity is in some areas. Those who live in a 1st or 2nd world country have come accustomed to having lights and heating at their instant disposal but the fact is many individuals around the world aren’t as fortunate.

You can help those who aren’t as lucky by doing your part to conserve energy and lend a hand for those who need it. Appreciate the light that allows you read before you pull the covers of your head and call it a night.

A Roof Over Your Head

The fact that you have a roof over your head puts you in some elite company by world standards. Sure many people have a roof but there are millions without a home. It’s often easy to forget that having a place you can call home is not guaranteed. Many people in the poorer nations of the world can’t afford a permanent place to stay and are in constant search of shelter.

A Guaranteed Meal

Hunger is one of the world’s greatest problems and being such one that needs our attention most. I once heard a statistic that said every night 25,000 children under the age of 5 die because of lack of food. Having a young sister that statistic really hits home for me.

You are so lucky to have the ability to go get food at will. You are so fortunate not to have to scour the city to find something to eat out of the trash. By becoming conscious of what you eat and giving back to those in need you can help reduce this unneeded pain.

A Computer

I realize that this could fall under to the category of electricity but the potential that lies in the computer made it deserve a spot on it’s only. The things we are able to learn and create on the computer are absolutely mind blowing. Millions of people are using the computer to express themselves in a way that benefits the world. Not only that but you can learn anything within only a few clicks.

Those that are fortunate enough to have a computer have at their disposal one of the most powerful technologies ever created. And because of it, I have you as my reader. :)

An Education

Not everyone in the world has the type of education that you and I have been blessed with. The fact that you’re reading this shows that you’re a highly intelligent individual (I didn’t say that to boost my ego.) Many poorer nations don’t have money or resources to provide a future for their kids.

Don’t let your education go to waste. Instead use your smarts to help create creative solutions to solve the world’s greatest problems. Solutions won’t be easy but with people like you they can take place.

Freedom

Last but not least, freedom. Freedom means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. But for me it means our ability to decide how it is we want to live. Because we’ve been blessed with the basics that many people don’t have we can create the reality in which we desire. We talk a lot about how to make the most out of your life. How to be productive. How to take your business to the next level. But what we often forget is that many people don’t even have the basics of life covered. Not everyone is in a position to really take on the world. Not yet at least.

This post wasn’t written to make you to feel spoiled or depressed. Instead it was written to make you aware of how truly blessed you are. You are blessed. Wouldn’t you agree?

Whether you consider yourself a runner or not, the reality is, we all run from truths we don’t wish to accept. Some of us like to run more than others, but in the end everyone is a runner. Many go to great lengths to avoid facing reality and in the process end up miserable. Personally, I’ve done enough “running” in my life to qualify for a gold medal at the Olympics. But at the end of the day, we can only run so long.

Contrary to popular belief, personal growth is not all about being positive and in a zen state 24/7. It’s certainty important to look at the positive aspects of life and live in a state of flow, but honest personal growth also requires that you take a hard look at your reality even if it’s not where you want it to be. To get from point A to point B you have to be honest with yourself first.

The following are 7 truths you may be running from and several tips to face them.

You’re Not Healthy

Are you as healthy as you want to be? Be honest. I’m not talking about having a six pack or bulging biceps but rather a life that is congruent with remarkable physical and mental health. If you are living a healthy lifestyle I applaud you, but for those who are not it’s certainly not too late to start now.

If your lifestyle is anything like an “average” American, chances are you aren’t all that healthy. This isn’t something to beat yourself up over however, simply accept where you’re currently at. The first step to change is to acknowledge that changes needs to be made.

Because this article is about facing truths, I’m going to be honest and say that I am not nearly as healthy as I want to be. By no stretch of the imagination do I consider myself overweight, but my physical health is definitely something I need to continue to work on. If I spent as much time physically running as I did metaphorically I’d be set ;).

Action Steps

Be Specific: Getting specific about what you want in regard to health is essential in being at the top of your game. Give yourself specific actions you can take that you know will bring yourself into alignment with better health. Saying, “I need to eat better” is a weak goal to have. Instead be specific: “I’ll replace drinking a glass of whole milk, with a glass of water. Fun Fact: A glass of whole milk has as much saturated fat as 5 pieces of bacon. (Source = Switch)

Start Small: What area can you work on TODAY that will bring you benefits in the long run? Don’t begin with a radical diet/exercise overhaul because you will only burn out. Take small steps that you know you can do on a routine basis. It’s essential to create a routine because routines don’t require motivation as fuel. Take the first step.

Start a Food Journal: Some say this may be a bit excessive, but it gets results. Instead of counting calories, simply write down what it is that you eat. Do this for several weeks and you’ll be sure to find some patterns that may need to fix.

Walk Daily: By far the easiest way to get into the shape you need, is to go on a daily walk. Not only is it good for you, it will give you time to get away and relax. In Healthy At 100, a book on those who live to the age of 100, nearly every Centenarian walked at least an hour a day. Coincidence? I think not.

Your Relationships Are Holding You Back

Unfortunately, many of us cling to relationships that are obviously doing more harm than good. I’ve certainly been there before myself as well. It’s safe to say that you and I both know those kind of relationships, the ones you recognize you need to let go but you just feel you can’t.

Maybe you’re hanging onto a romantic relationship because you’ve been dating for several years and are scared of change. Or perhaps you’re still friends with Johnny, now a serial killer druggie, just because he was your best friend in 3rd grade. Sometimes you need to let go.

Being loyal to an old friend or partner who you are no longer compatible with is only intelligent for so long, then you’re just wasting your time and blocking future relationship possibilities.

This truth can be particularly hard to accept but deep down it’s usually obvious. I’ve dropped a handful of relationships throughout  my life because there was no longer the compatibility there once was. Again, I know this isn’t always easy but it’s something we all must face.

Action Steps

Examine Your Relationships: Taking a hard look at your relationships takes a effort,  but is also very important. How do you examine your relationships? Literally ask: ” How do I feel about Suzie Q?” Be honest with yourself and how you feel. Don’t splenda coat your answers. Do you feel your social circle is helping you contribute to the world? Does your current friends and family lift you up instead of bring you down? Only you know for certain.

Talk With Those You Love: Part of examining your relationships is having dialogue with those you care about. If you feel as if a certain relationship isn’t helping the both of you, it’s important you talk things out. Putting up with a relationship just because you’re afraid of change is not only selfish, it hurts both of you in the long run. Talking about your relationships can be scary and nerve racking but again that doesn’t change the reality of the situation. Make communication a high priority.

Ask a Friend or Trusted One: If you’re struggling with a particular relationship it can be beneficial to ask someone you trust for advice. Often times an outside source will be able to give you some insights that you may miss. Be open to their opinion as it is likely they have a more objective view than you. Obviously, you don’t have to agree fully with what they say but just be willing to listen. If you’re struggling romantically try asking your best friend an honest prediction of what he or she predicts will happen in the future, this exercise may take courage but can be very mind opening.

You’re Indifferent About Your Career

[If you're working a job you LOVE you can safely skip this section. Don't worry... I still love you.]

Although I’ve yet to have an official career, I know what it is like to struggle through work you can’t stand. I honestly believe if you’re simply content with your current career you’re being selfish. That may be harsh to say, but there is simply no reason you can’t be doing work you’re completely passionate about.

Sure, you have to make money to pay the bills and provide for your family, but putting in the extra work to create a meaningful career is well worth the energy and will allow you to contribute far more value into the world.

Realizing that you aren’t currently enjoying your career is the first step to creating one in which you do.

Action Steps

Start Your Own Projects: If you aren’t currently happy with your career there are a plethora of options for you to consider. Starting side projects don’t require that you quit your job or tell your boss he’s fat, but it will require a bit of extra effort on your part. Accept those facts and get moving. Start now.

Realize There IS a way out: If you can’t fathom working a career that you love,it’s time you realize what age we’re in. I hate to sound cliche but anything is possible. There are plenty of people “crushing it” on a daily basis all because they realize what is attainable.

Change Your Friends: Again, changing your friends may seem a bit harsh, but so is going to a job you hate everyday. If you’re surrounded by people who only wish to remain in the status quo, it’s no wonder you feel suffocated by what you call work. If you really wish to start contributing, it is likely in your best interest to create a new social circle that will support your future dreams and aspirations. It’s not totally necessary to cut all ties, but certainly something to consider. Work with a best friend? Bring them along.

What Are You Passionate About? Maybe you’ve been stuck in a dead end job for far too long and don’t even know what you’re passionate about. Not a problem. Open up a word document and do some journaling. Ask yourself questions like: If money was not an option what would I love to do? What brings me joy? See where those questions take you, then work to make it happen.

Your Fears Are Keeping You Grounded

Why do we run? In short, it’s because we are afraid. Seth Godin likes to say it’s because of our Lizard Brain. Regardless, being afraid isn’t particularly helpful in reaching our goals and dreams.

Healthy Fears: Being afraid of snakes
Stupid Fears: Everything else.

I find it remarkable how much energy we waste on fearing situations and outcomes that don’t have a remote chance in actually happening. If you live in a constant state of fear it’s nearly impossible to lead a tribe or create a revolution.

It’s unrealistic to believe we can knock fear out completely, but we can certainly attack the bastard once he stands up.

Action Steps

Be Bold: When I attended Steve Pavlina’s Conscious Growth Workshop in January (think what you will), we did a variety of power exercises that helped us get out of our comfort zones. This included going up on stage to sing, or asking a person who was playing the slot machines what year it was. Pushing yourself doesn’t require much other than a bit of courage. Tell that Starbucks girl you think she’s beautiful. Say thank you to the professor that has changed the way you thought. Be bold.

If You Knew What You Couldn’t Fail: What actions would you take if you knew you could not fail? I realize this is an often cheesy question cited in several dozen personal development books, but it is a powerful thought exercise nonetheless. What would you do if you couldn’t fail? I can’t hear you.

Do What You’re Afraid of: Considering this post is littered with hundreds of painful cliches, I figure I’m on a roll so without further a do: Do what you’re afraid of. To over come any fears that hinder your success you must face them. If I would have let my fears get the best of me, you wouldn’t be reading this post right now.

You’re More Remarkable Than You Think

Ah! So the personal development blog is finally positive! Yes wise one, very nice of you to notice. (With that failed Yoda moment let us continue.)

I hate to burst your I-feel-sorry-for-my-self-bubble, a bubble we all live in from time to time, but you are more remarkable than you think.

Unfortunately, because of social conditioning and being thrown in a locker everyday of the 3rd grade, ( that never happened to you?) we often feel as if we offer nothing of value to the world. But that couldn’t but farther from the truth.

STOP THINKING THAT YOU’RE NOT REMARKABLE (CAPS mean I’m screaming.) I promise no matter who you are or where you’re from you having something to give to the world. Don’t believe me? Send me an email and I’d be happy to help you.

Here’s the truth: Being remarkable scares you. Knowing that you can create long lasting changing is hard to wrap your mind around. But the reality is we can do all those things and more. You are more remarkable than you think.

NO ACTIONS STEPS BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO BE REMARKABLE.

You Like To Be Unhappy

Feeling high off positivity after hearing you’re more remarkable than you think? Back to reality ;) You like to be unhappy.

It might be odd to hear that you like to be unhappy because that goes against common sense. All I want is to BE HAPPY you might say. Yet many of your actions aren’t congruent with that statement. Don’t worry I like being unhappy from time to time too.

Obviously, we don’t really want to be unhappy, yet many times our actions and thoughts don’t allow us to experience the state of flow we all want and desire.

Action Steps

Become More Mindful of Your Thoughts: Becoming mindful of your thoughts will quickly lead you into noticing various thought patterns you may have. Throughout the day notice the language you choose to use. Warning: you may be fairly surprised.

Notice How Much You Complain: Complaining is your way of saying to the world I want to be unhappy, yet so many of us do so on a regular basis. Simply becoming aware of how much you complain will really wake you up to how lucky you are. Try going an entire day without complaining.

Create A Gratitude Journal: To combat your tendency to complain try the opposite approach. When you feel the urge to complain about the guy who just cut you off, be thankful that you have a car to drive. I’m not talking about superficial gratitude but rather being sincere in all the blessings you have. I like to express my gratitude right before I go to sleep.

Your Habits Suck

We like to think we have everything figured out, that our daily routine is effective for everyone involved. But rarely is that the case.

It’s safe to say that if you’re not currently living the life you want your habits are to blame.

Again, since this post is about being honest, the last 6 months I’ve struggled with creating habits that will get me to where I want to be. Only recently have I realized (or stopped running) from the truth. I’m currently in the process of making great habits that I know will take me where I want to be.

Action Steps

Start a 30 day trial: The best way to change a bad habit is to start a 30 day trial supporting a new and improved one. I’ve done several of these with wonderful success. I’m certainly not the first person to suggest a 30 day trial but I can attest to how beneficial they have been for me.

Write Down Your Activities For The Day: Writing down everything you do for one day will really open your eyes to how little you actually accomplish. You don’t have to have every hour of your calendar filled to have a productive day, instead do work that really matters then you can sleep at night.

What Habits Do You Want? Take a moment and think about the habits you think would help you reach your goals. Start small and aim to implement these habits at a pace in which you can keep up. You may struggle in establishing a habit but it will be worth it in the end.

Stop Running

Whether you like to admit it or not, we all run from truths from time to time. Instead of running from a reality take a moment to consciously face your current situation.

Being honest with yourself is perhaps one of the greatest characteristics you can have, because only when you are honest with yourself can you begin to change.

No matter how strong you think you are, you can’t run forever. Facing reality may be difficult and you may struggle, but it is far better than turning your back from the truth. As Shakespeare once said “Cowards die a thousand deaths.”

What truths are you running from? Were there any that I missed? I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts below.

Lately, I’ve spent a sickening amount of time contemplating why our world is so enamored with earning the respect of others; often forgetting to earn the respect of the only person that really matters: You

The Endless Pursuit

We want the amazing job so our friends and family will respect us.
We want the good grades so that we can be seen as intelligent and the next big thing.
We want to have the “perfect” relationship so people know we have what it takes.

But in blindly chasing respect from our family and friends, we often forget to earn our OWN respect. Now, don’t get me wrong, being respected by people you care about is an amazing feeling, but it means nothing if we don’t remember to love and cherish ourselves first.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you’re the center of the universe, and that you’re the only person that matters. But really, how often do you live for yourself?

How often do you do create art just because? How often do you indulge in the activities that bring you joy? How frequently do you spend time just being present, not caring about how much success or admiration it brings?

Busting your butt for good grades just so you can hang them up on your fridge is a worthless pursuit. Working a job you hate just so you can have the status of a “high roller”, is like being stuck listening to Miley Cyrus on repeat. Tolerating a relationship because you’re afraid of change does more harm than good.

Again, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t do your best, or that you should chase your happiness at the cost of others. What I am saying however, is at the end of the day, you need to be happy with yourself and the current path you’re on.

The Search Within

All the admiration in the world, will not fix the void that you yourself must fill.  If you’re not happy with yourself everyone loses. Only when you respect yourself can you truly begin to pursue the change you so gracefully seek.

No particular accomplishment will make you respect yourself. Respect starts within. You must consciously choose to respect the very being you are. This isn’t easy. Many of us, including myself, have plenty of limiting beliefs that we must battle every step of the way.

When you’re battling with negative thoughts and struggling to find your calling, it’s difficult to respect your apparent misery. But the truth is we’ve all been there before. Contrary to popular belief, no one has it all figured out.

I could lie and say that I always believe in myself 100 percent. But to be honest, the last few months I’ve struggled with what this very blog post is about. I haven’t been respecting myself like I know I should. I haven’t been respecting my limits and have consequently struggled to find my state of flow. I’ve been chasing the respect of others at the cost of tuning out my soul.

Learning to respect yourself is an always evolving process. The more you respect yourself the easier it becomes. There will always be times of struggle, but by searching within you can reduce your struggle significantly.

Building Your Own Self Respect

I risk sounding painfully cliche, but it has to be said. I believe you are remarkable. Yes you. Question is, do you?

You’re reading this for a reason. Chances are, you have high aspirations and want to do tremendous things in the world, and for that fact alone you’re on the right path. While many people want to reshape the world, very few take the steps needed to. Start with self respect.

Here are a few steps to build your own self respect.

Forgive Yourself: You can’t have a healthy relationship with yourself if you continue live in the past. That time you came up short on your last project? It’s over. The time you suddenly lost your values and hurt someone you love? It’s OK. Not forgiving yourself isn’t you being strong, it’s you being stupid. Respecting yourself is the only way that you can make up for your shortcomings in the past.

Chase Your Dreams: Rather than chase the respect of your peers, instead chase your dreams. When you live each day with your goals in mind your energy is contagious. By chasing your dreams you’re saying you’re not afraid of coming up short. It means your OK with your shortcomings. Chasing your dreams is a sign up true respect.

Stop Beating Yourself Up: Because many of us want do amazing things in the world, we often feel let down if we don’t always hit the home run. But the truth, is even the smallest act can have a tremendous affect on humanity. Don’t think you have to push yourself to the point of exhaustion everyday to make a difference. Don’t expect little from your friends and family, and drown yourself with your own colossal expectations. Do what you can and be pleased with the result.

Commit: Right now, make the commitment to only focus on what you can control: respect for yourself. Let admiration and praise come when it’s time. Don’t waste a single moment worrying about how people regard you. Do what you do best and the respect will come.

The Chase Ends Here

Your ability to respect yourself is far more important than earning respect from anyone else, because when you learn to respect yourself, the seemingly endless search suddenly comes to a halt.

Only by respecting yourself, will you then begin to earn the respect of others. Only when you realize that you’re whole without the superficial high of  praise can you find the happiness you seek.

Believe me when I say that when you don’t respect yourself, it seems like the world is out to get you. Yet when you begin loving yourself fully  everything begins to change.

For just a moment, stop chasing the respect of your family and friends. For just a moment, start earning the respect of the person you so often neglect. The search for respect ends here. The search for respect ends with you.

Being a generally happy person, most of my profanities are in playful jest, however there are rare occasions where I let the words fly with every intention of causing harm. Having thought a great deal about language and its impact I’ve come up with the perfect 30 day trial.  For the next month I will do my best to refrain from using any profanities at all.

Who Gives A Shit?

To some, giving up cursing may seem like a ‘childish’ pursuit, after all they are just words. But for me it goes beyond not cursing. I want to clarify that I’m not cleaning up my language for some spiritual or religious reason (although I do hope it will help strengthen my spiritual life). Instead, I’m kicking off this trial in hopes of raising awareness of the affect of the language we use in our lives.

Secondly, I am well aware there are some amazing people out there who have a reputation for having a foul mouth (a certain life coach even comes to mind). This experiment has nothing to do creating a “clean image” but instead simply help me to become more aware of the language I use.

I’m hoping the next 30 days will reveal a great deal about the person I am.

What I Hope To Accomplish

Build Awareness: I’ve always been fascinated with how language affects our daily interactions. If you consistently use negative language you generally become a negative person. That isn’t to say language DEFINES who we are, but it definitely has an impact on our emotions and our overall vibe. Because I will be consciously choosing the words I say, I will also be likely notice some of the negative thoughts that might creep into my head. I will also be more likely to notice some of the more positive thoughts that also pop into my head throughout the day.

Build Self Control: While I hope to refrain from cursing completely, I’m realistic enough to know there could be some major slippage here and there. I’m well aware it will take quite a bit of effort to keep my language PG especially since I’m conditioned to use language heard in things rated R. I’m always up for developing self control, so learning to watch my language is a simple and straight forward way to do so. I have informed my friends to call me out anytime I do slip up to further encourage me to take notice of the words I use.

Does Cursing Make You Miserable? One thing I’m particularly interested in is whether or not cursing affects my happiness or lack of. Does cursing (even in good jest) negatively impact my daily emotions? Or does it not do any harm? I’ll be paying specific attention to my mood for the next 30 days to see if I see any obvious results. Obviously there may be other factors which contribute to my happiness levels, but I’ll keep a close eye on the impact my diction choice may have.

Will I Be Less Funny? Some may argue I lack humor even when I do rely on the crutch of a naughty word, but for me, I feel most humorous when I throw in an F-bomb here and there. It will be interesting to see how much my humor suffers over the next few couple of weeks. Telling people to kiss my butt just isn’t as fun. :(

Social Interactions: I am also intrigued to see how giving up profanity will affect my relationships. Will my conversations carry a more serious tone? Will I be less likely to crack an immature joke now that I can’t use forbidden words? Will I be seen as more mature than normal? Ask any of my friends, and you’d quickly discover I routinely go on random tangents about the existence of life. And what is the existence of life if it doesn’t involve the words “shit ton” or “badass?”

Join Me In Building Language Awareness

For the next 30 days I challenge you to become more aware of the language you use everyday. I’m not even asking for you to give up saying your favorite words. All I ask is that you make the conscious effort to notice your daily vocabulary you use in every day conversation. Simply taking the time to become aware of the words you use is a powerful exercise that will surely hold some insight on the person you express on a regular basis.

I know the next 30 days will be a wonderful growth opportunity for me…even if I can’t use combinations of words straight out of the sailors dictionary.

I hope you choose to join me.

Editors note: For the record, the profanities I used in this post don’t count.

But lately, I’ve been thinking about the other side of the story, the dark side of confidence. Can confidence be damaging to our growth? Today I would like to share with you the side of the confidence we often ignore: The dark side of confidence.

A Personal Example

Basic psychology has proven that as a whole, we are generally overconfident in our abilities. Numerous studies have shown, that when asked to rate our ability to perform a specific task on a scale of 1-10, our ‘ego’ tends to exaggerate. Some argue that our overconfidence  is even responsible for our current financial crisis. This past week taught me first hand that I’m not immune to the phenomena of overconfidence.

During my first few years of high school I ran nearly 50 miles a week (80km.) I was fortunate enough to be on in one of the best programs in the nation and consequently was an above average runner. It was safe to say that running cross country was 90 percent of my life back in those days.

After moving to China however, I slowly lost motivation and drifted away from running and as a result gained a bit of weight. While I’m not heavy by any means, I’m definitely not the skinny kid I  used to be. This past week I  was feeling ‘confident’ in my fitness levels, I told my buddy that I would be able to run 2 miles in under 12 minutes, something I could easily do back in my prime. I was so certain I could perform the feat I even said the word “guarantee” a few times.

It turns out, I was nowhere near as in shape as I thought I was, as I ended up running only 6:17 for one mile and then stopping. When I heard the time I was in disbelief. How was I so confident, yet able to fail so miserably?

The Dark Sides of Confidence

Delusional: Having too much confidence can actually make you delusional. Just as you can delude yourself into thinking you’re not good enough, you can just as easily reach the other side of the spectrum.  Personal development  isn’t about deluding yourself into someone you’re not, it is about accepting truth. I know plenty of people who are far too optimistic. While perhaps not as destructive as being pessimistic, deluding yourself with optimism  is just as silly.

Cockiness: Cockiness and laziness often go hand in hand. You see it all the time in the world of professional sports, with athletes thinking that success is ‘owed’ to them. Often these athletes then become negligent in their training and fail to achieve what they could have according to their raw talent. How many times have you half-assed a project because you knew it was easy? How many times have you stopped trying because you knew your skills were better than someone else? Did that really help you in the long run?

Arrogance: One of my favorite pastimes is having deep  conversations with my friends about anything related to life (yes I’m aware that’s a big topic ;). Yet there is always someone (I admit occasionally me) that fails to accept that they may not be right. I like a person who is confident in their beliefs, but not so confident to where they ‘know’ they are certain. I’ve run into this several times when discussing religion and it quickly disrupts the flow. Your beliefs are from your experience only. Simply put, arrogance makes you look like an ass.

Unrealistic: While I think it can sometimes pay to be unrealistic, it’s important your life is sprinkled with truth. When I told my friend that I would be able to run 2 miles under 12 I wasn’t just being confident I was being unrealistic. Having not run for nearly two years and having gained nearly 30 pounds, it was naive to think that I would be able to do what I did when I was in the best shape of my life. So often we cling to the past to make up for what we are failing to do now.

Finding Real Confidence

So how do you find real confidence?

Be Realistic: Again, being unrealistic has its place. I will be the first to admit I have spent much of my teenage years reaching for the stars and dreaming of what can be. Yet you must be honest with yourself and your current capabilities. You won’t be able to accomplish everything you set out to do right at this very moment. It takes time to develop the skills and connections to make your world like you want, but with action your goals aren’t too far away.

Accept Your Imperfections: Don’t deny your imperfections, embrace them. You don’t have to justify any of your shortcomings and you don’t apologize for being who you are. Your imperfections are just as important as the exceptional qualities you posses. Be confident in knowing that no matter where you currently are in life,  you are enough.

Try and Fail: How do you know if you’re being overconfident?  You don’t. The only way you can be certain is to test yourself often and get ready to fail. Failing is the greatest indicator of success. Those who don’t have time to fail don’t have time for success. As you continue to learn from your mistakes you will gain a better understanding of what your limits are.

Confidence can be tricky. Sometimes it’s easy to have too much confidence and in other cases it’s easy to have too little. The goal? Aim for somewhere in between.

Does confidence have a dark side? Did I get it wrong? Can being too confident hold you back from embracing your full potential? Please share your thoughts in the comments below, I would love to hear what you think.

Despite all the tips and life hacks out there, I think the base of personal development comes down to something  simpler: How much do you love yourself? I’m not talking about the kind of egotistical love based purely on pleasure and fame, but rather I’m talking about the strength of your relationship with yourself. Today I’d like to share with you 7 ways to love yourself and  help you plugin to your identity.

Forgive Yourself

I’ve gone through a period of my life where I was extremely hard on myself. Every little mistake I made, I quickly amplified it into something much larger than it really was. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the fact that I didn’t forgive myself was preventing me from connecting with who I really was.

I know people who have carried their mistakes with them their entire life, and as result they remain unhappy at the core. I know what it’s like to make a mistake and feel like you shouldn’t be forgiven, but that kind of thinking is nonsense. There is no action not worthy of forgiveness. Forgiveness may take time, but don’t look back at your mistakes as a fatal flaw you must fix, instead choose to embrace them completely as the whole person you are.

Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings can be difficult and does take practice, but it remains essential in loving yourself fully.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

I’m just as guilty as the next person in this area, for this is something that I too am struggling with even today. But as I’ve come to realize the more you compare yourself to others the less self worth you place on yourself.

When I became the main writer of this blog back in early February, I was somewhat insecure as to how I was going to be received. Taking over one of the most popular personal development blogs in the world is no easy feat, especially when Glen provided so much value day in and day out.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have moments where I would compare myself to the past successes of Glen and PluginID, which as I soon found out was a stupid and pointless. It was because of writing this article that I came to understand how foolish it is to compare yourself to others. Only when you stop comparing yourself to others can then you then begin to love yourself. I think it’s ironic how easily this article has ‘flown’ :)

Stop Seeking Approval

Seeking approval is similar to comparing yourself to others, and it’s fair to say that we all do it from time to time. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never sought approval from my family or friends, but I’m also going to tell you that when approval was my main focus those were also not the happiest times in my life.

Over the past year or so I’ve come to realize that my career path probably won’t be the most accepted by my friends and family, that is I want to be an entrepreneur, a writer, and a public speaker. Yet, I’ve come to discover that when you continuously seek approval from others to validate your own self worth, you’re simply damaging yourself relationship with yourself. I’ve accepted that my line of work might not be the ‘safest’ but I’m OK with that.

Not seeking approval doesn’t mean to not care. I can say without hesitation that I genuinely care about what my family and friends think, however it’s important you stop the process of seeking. When you rely on being happy from an outside source your setting yourself up to be miserable.

Believe In Yourself

Loving and believing in yourself go hand in hand. You can’t love yourself if you don’t believe in yourself, and you can’t believe in yourself if you don’t love yourself first. To fully experience what it means to live you must have a confidence in all you do, even during the times in which you come up short.

Believing in yourself can be hard at times, especially when nothing seems to be going right, but it is during those times that you need your own love the most.The wonderful about believing in yourself is that you are the only one responsible. You don’t need a stamp of approval before you can to begin to have faith in yourself.

Trust in your judgement and know that through both the good and bad you are worthy.

Practice Silence

Some of my happiest moments have occurred when I’m simply sitting in silence by myself. While I can be a very social person at times, I also need to have my alone time. For me, this sometimes means meditation, or sometimes I’ll just go for a long walk. Practicing silence allows for you to get a glimpse of the person you really are.

I know the act of practicing silence may not qualify as love for some people,but I feel I’m most connected with myself spiritually when I’m still. While I don’t resonate fully with any one particular religion, I’ve had my most spiritual moments when I’m sitting in complete silence.

Practicing silence allows for you to turn off all that chatter and self doubt and directly experience the bliss of being alive. You owe it to yourself to be silent at least once a day.

Eat Healthy And Exercise

Part of loving yourself is allowing your body to be in its top form. An occasional indulgence in alcohol or some fast food isn’t the end of the in the world but making a habit of destroying your body is. Many don’t realize, but your relationship to your physical body and mind is very important.

Truly loving yourself means that you take care of your body and do everything you can to keep it in good shape, both physically and mentally. Don’t expect to have a good relationship with yourself if you abuse the machine consistently.

A few weeks ago I realized that I wasn’t taking as much care of my body as I should be, so I committed to going to the gym 5 days a week. While it’s only been a few weeks, I’ve already noticed the benefits of going to the gym and eating healthy. Small steps make a massive difference.

Express Yourself

One of the greatest ways you can love yourself is to express your gifts, whatever they may be. Finding and honing your brilliance is a way to reveal what it is that makes you remarkable. Do you enjoy to write? Share your stories with the world. Do you like to draw? Paint until your hearts content. Do you like helping people find their purpose? Do so by connecting with as many people as you can. It doesn’t matter what your passions are, express them to the best of your ability.

Unfortunately, Some people chose not to express their talents and passions because they feel as if they might get ridiculed or made fun of. But the reality is, failing to express yourself is failing to love yourself. Loving yourself comes down to expression.

Are you able to express your beauty within? As one of my favorite runners Steve Prefontaine once said, ” To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”

Loving Yourself

If you really want to change the world, if you really want to experience that life you’ve always desired, you must first love yourself fully, because all the advice in the world won’t matter if you don’t.

It won’t always be be easy, but your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. Make each day a day in which you continue to deepen your relationship with yourself and experience the life you know you were meant to live. The world depends on you to love yourself.

I love myself.

The more important question is, do you?

The foundation of your brand and identity is based on your ability to be trusted. Your word is your currency, without it your foundation will crumble. The more trust you have the more people you can potentially influence, however lose that trust and you will take a tremendous step backwards. Today I’d like to share with you some ways that I have built trust in my social life and in the online community.

Don’t Make Excuses

The quickest way to lose trust is to make excuses, because quite honestly excuses stink. While at the time they may appear to be valid, excuses have a tendency to continually show up.  Have you ever heard of a person run out of excuses?

A few months ago when I was writing Reality Switch with Glen, I was given some very generous deadlines. However, due to my own lack of preparation and consistent procrastination I rarely met any of them. What did I do? I fed Glen a list of excuses.

“I’m sick man.”

“School has been kicking my ass lately.”

“There was a party I couldn’t miss.”

At the time, those excuses seemed fairly valid to me but in reality I was only showing how trustworthy I really was. It wasn’t until Glen sent me an email that said, “You’re so unreliable” that I really began to examine my ways. After that email I  began to buckle down and finish what I started. Despite my other commitments I made sure that I never missed a deadline again, and was pleased with how the product turned out.

Instead of making excuses for your mistakes take full responsibility for the outcome of your actions or (or lack of). No one expects you to be perfect, so if you don’t come through, just apologize and move on. Don’t make it worse by feeding weak excuses to make up for you being human. Odds are if you continually rely on excuses to get you out of trouble you’re not as trustworthy as you may think.

The trusted ones are the people that take responsibility for their behavior no matter what. Excuses and trust don’t mix well.

Never Lie

I realize it’s impossible to never lie, but the idea here is to keep your lying to a minimum. Seriously, do you even realize how much you fib?

For an entire day take notice of how many ‘white lies’ you tell. I promise that you’ll be surprised. Even if you think you can get away with a lie most people can pick up on your insincerity. Lying also includes talking behind people’s backs and putting on a fake front.

I’m not for radical honestly but I do believe you should be honest as often as you can. As you strive to be more honest in your every day activities you will soon find that being trustworthy  becomes easier and your communication channels will open up accordingly.

Being honest, especially in situations where you might hurt a loved one, does require courage but it’s certainly a better path than to mask the truth. Don’t waste a moment saying something you don’t truly believe, or that you know is not true.

Those who are up front and don’t hide reality are in the long run much more respected and trusted than those who do.

Consistency Matters

When it comes to becoming a man or woman of your word, consistency matters. Imagine that you’re trying to draft a star athlete for your favorite athletic team. Would you want a player who was a hit or miss? Or would you want someone who was good day in and day out? I’d personally choose the second option.

Don’t throw your trust away by being trustworthy one moment and then unreliable the next. As with anything, building consistency does take effort but your effort pays off in the end.

Following through on your commitments every other time just won’t cut it. Consistently keep your word and your peers will slowly take notice.

When you mess up it’s important not to be too hard on yourself.  Realize that it’s OK to come up short. While I know  letting someone down isn’t the greatest feeling in the world it’s bound to happen, so don’t get to worked up over it. Use your shortcomings as motivation to do better the next time around.

Everyone falters every now and then, but ‘showing up’ day in and day out is very important in building trust. Strive to be as consistent as you can and you will be rewarded.

Make Commitments You Can Keep

Jumping from commitment to commitment and not keeping your word quickly damages your reputation. Only make a commitment if you’re confident you will be able to follow through. Obviously there will be rare cases in which something comes up, but more often than not, you should be able to do what you say you will.

If you’re not sure that you will be able fulfill your obligations it’s important you voice your uncertainty. Never feel pressured to participate in an activity you know you don’t have the time or energy to do well.

Lately, I’ve been cutting my own commitments to where I can focus on what really matters. Putting my personal blog on a hiatus was a difficult decision, but I knew that for me to deliver insane value at PluginID that’s what I needed to do.

Building Trust

There’s no shortcut to gaining someone’s trust.  Consistency and sincerity go a long way in developing relationships with mutual respect. The more trustworthy you become the more opportunities you will have to show your worth. Don’t waste your time deceiving the world and misusing your power.

Building trust is like lifting weights, the more you work at it the stronger it becomes. Are you as trustworthy as you want to be? The only person who can change that is you.

How do you build trust? How do you become a man or woman of your word? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

What’s your attitude towards struggle? Do you look at it as your adversary? Or do you embrace it as an opportunity of growth? Do you repeatedly claim your “life is over”? Or do you rise up to the occasion and out last the temporary illusion?

Photo Credit

Is your relationship with struggle dysfunctional? What can steps can you take to heal those broken wounds? Break ups, death, illness and failure. What does all that mean to you? For much of my life my attitude toward hardship left me feeling empty.

I constantly had thoughts along the lines of:

• “One day my life will be perfect”
• “If I struggle I’m weak”
• “If I fail I’m not worthy”
• “I have to be happy all the time “

Perhaps you’ve once resonated with some of them. As a result of these inaccurate beliefs, I was in a constant state of neediness, which as we all know is never a good place to be. It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom that I was finally able to see the top.

An Unexpected Death

When I was just 16 years old, I witnessed my best friend die in a jet accident. Without a doubt this was one of the lowest points my relatively young life. I vividly recall watching my friend take his last few breathes, his blood dripping on the gold sand below.  Losing someone you love is never easy.

Dealing with death for the first time had a tremendous affect on me. On the outside I was able to hold it together, but on the inside I was lost. For months I retreated inward searching for answers that I had no clue where to find, and for months I was miserable. I remember thinking at the time, “ Will this pain ever go away?”

Two years later, the memories of his death still play in my mind, but the pain is no longer as intense. While that day remains one of the lowest points of my life, it was his death and my immense exposure to struggle that pushed me to explore my talent for writing. It was my friend’s death that jolted me into finally starting a blog and sharing my experiences with the world. It was my friend’s death that pushed me accept full responsibility for my life and live as the person I knew I could be.

When you find yourself at a point where you’re feeling down take a moment to remind yourself of the larger picture. Embedded in every moment of pain is a lesson waiting to be revealed if and only if you take the time to listen.

Resistance Breeds Unhappiness

Here’s something not many other personal development blogs will not tell you:

Struggle is a part of life. It’s inevitable.

It doesn’t matter if you think you have everything figured out. It doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read on happiness. There will be times when life just isn’t going right. But here’s the thing: Struggle isn’t bad, what’s bad is your resistance to it.

Once you accept that you won’t always be at your best, and that you won’t always feel at the top of the world; Once you accept that you will lose people close to you, and that you will come up short, only then can you begin to appreciate all that you have.

Don’t give your struggles more power than they deserve but rather accept that they are a part of human existence. Once you begin the process of acceptance your life will almost magically transform.

Accepting struggle doesn’t mean you should feel sorry for yourself 24/7. There’s a difference between accepting struggle and creating it. You accept struggle by allowing yourself to feel. You create struggle by feeding your mind with negative thoughts.

The key isn’t to attract struggle but rather stop resisting it. As you stop resisting the struggle loses power and begins to fade away. Resistance is the cause of your unhappiness.

Light At The End of The Tunnel

It’s easy for us to look at our daily struggles as the end of the world. It’s easy to get caught up in all that’s going wrong. But when you do so you close your eyes to what lies before you.

When you get caught up in your own misery you lose sight of the bigger picture. The truth is that 10 years from now what’s worrying you today will be long forgotten. What you think you can never overcome you will. Always remember you’re stronger than you think.

Stop viewing struggle as an enemy but rather embrace it as the an enlightened teacher it is. The sooner you can accept that struggling is a part of life, the sooner you can you appreciate the abundance and beauty that constantly surrounds you.

I look forward to sharing my insights on life and continuing to grow with you, my readers.

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel.

This post is dedicated to my friend Marco.

Some of you will know that I take part in a weekly mastermind group. We don’t actually think of it as a mastermind group (we call it a Fantastic Four) but it is still an excellent resource to communicate with like-minded people. Our ‘Fantastic Four’ consists of four people who are venturing into their own businesses, and we give each other advice from our own experiences in both life and wealth.

My own mastermind group involves a writer, a life coach, and a musician. Not necessarily people who are directly relevant to my own business insights, but people with a lot of knowledge to share and whom I have met in person. Each week, we will take it in turns to have our own projects and business ideas discussed.

The person who is going to have their business discussed makes it easier for both themselves and the group by filling in a little sheet before we start. This sheet tells us things like:

• What weaknesses this person has
• What strengths they think they have
• What opportunities are available to them business-wise
• What is a threat to their success
• And any other specific questions they might have

This sheet tells us a lot about each person and gives us insights into their current situation. It’s also beneficial for the person who is filling out the sheet to see an overview of their drawbacks, benefits, and what opportunities they have to grow.

Taking Your Own Advice

Around two weeks ago it was my turn to have my business discussed. At the time, I had quite a few ‘issues’ that were bothering me. The first was that I was completely overloaded with work and only had a couple of days to get a lot of things done before leaving the UK.

The second was that I had a lot of work to do whilst on my travels and I thought this would ruin my own journey around the world. Finally, I needed to improve my time management as, despite having a lot of work to do, I wasn’t getting much done each day (although I felt very productive).

The feedback from the group was amazing. (Although I’ve shared links to these guys, you can’t steal them). I completely changed my belief about the work I had to do while travelling at the same time. I received some great time management tips and I also took down pages of notes from the call.

Something that surprised me, however, was how much of the advice I received is something that I have said myself. Now, don’t think I’m disrespecting the advice I received, but it was very similar to what I have blogged about before or I would have said to someone in the same situation.

I realised then that it’s very easy to get wrapped up in looking for answers on other blogs, Twitter, Google, Yahoo Answers or in even less-geeky sources such as you family or friends. If you have the capability of getting great advice from others, take it.

What I’m saying is that first of all: don’t forget to look within. Assume that whatever problem you have now is a friend coming to you with advice for that same issue. What would you tell them? What should be their next step? How can they get over it?

I’m finding that time and time again that if I just start taking my own advice and putting it into action, things begin to happen. Things work themselves out. I get the results that I want.

I’m not saying you should go and ignore all of the other sources (such as blogs like this) out there but make yourself your first port of call. Don’t disregard the millions of things you have learned throughout your many years on earth.

P.S. Here are 1, 2, 3 and 4 pics from Amsterdam so far, if you’re interested.