It Always Starts with Your Thoughts

If you are going to do anything worthwhile in life, you must start by changing your thinking. You must answer some very basic questions about what I like to call ultimate questions.

Ultimate questions are philosophical in nature and I propose that all people, not just philosophers, need to ask and then answer them. They are questions that every scientist must answer before beginning the work of discovery. They give us a framework from which to unlock the secrets of the world in which we live. These ultimate questions start with the most fundamental and move to questions of a more practical nature, “does anything exist”, “do I/you exist”, and “are there any absolute truths.” If we are to develop in our humanity and become “fully alive”, then we must first ask ourselves what we believe about ourselves, our world and our place in it. Many may believe that these questions are solely the domain of philosophers, and again, I would strongly disagree.

Philosophy… Who Needs It?

You see, all of us go through life operating under a particular philosophy whether we know it or not. You cannot do anything without it. What do I mean by the statement, “we all live by a particular philosophy?” Well, we all make some basic assumptions about our world and ourselves. We assume that when we wake up in the morning and stand on our floors that we will not fall through them, even if we don’t know why. We believe that things exist. It would be absurd to carry on conversations with people we didn’t think were really there. We also believe that things exist in the same way for everyone. We wouldn’t want to put ourselves in danger by driving down a road that we thought might not be fixed in time and space or may not exist in the same way for all of the other drivers. We know that there are physical laws that govern the universe and we all rely upon them to live in it. We all feel the effects of gravity and are certain that we will not float up into the atmosphere as if there were no gravity. Even the simplest animals understand this, if only instinctively. I believe that everyone to this point would agree with me. Stay with me now as I delve into an area that many will find very challenging.

The Ultimate, Ultimate Question

What is my Ultimate Purpose?

No, I didn’t accidentally type the word Ultimate twice in the heading above. I mean the ultimate question that trumps all others. That is, the first and most important ultimate question we must answer so that it is first and foremost in our minds is, “what is my highest ideal or most important goal and why?” It could also be called an ultimate purpose. What is it? Is it making huge piles of money so that I can live the life of my dreams, have anything I want and go anywhere I want to? Is it to be famous and loved by millions of people? Is it to help the most people or do the most good I can do while I am here on this earth? What is your ultimate purpose in life?

Can you answer that question without a hint of doubt? Can you be absolutely certain that it is the right answer? Absolutely! You can because of who you are. We are all called to answer that question unequivocally – without wavering.

Without answering this question we tend to go through life without a rudder. There is an old saying that goes like this, “if you don’t stand for something, then you will fall for anything.”

I would love to see you answer that question for yourselves in the comments. This is not an easy task and it will require much thought and above all, prayer.

And that is certainly true for PluginID. This is Adam, the owner of this blog and I have some good news and some bad news. How about the good news first?  This blog has some exciting things happening in the near future. For example, PluginID has a new writer, moi!  Here is a recent photo of my family and me. This was taken while on our vacation to Palm Desert this past June.

As mentioned in the last post, we will also be giving PluginID a facelift.  Actually, it will be more than a facelift. It will be a whole new, updated, clean, simple, yet complete-with-cool-new-widgets, modern blog that our commun.  Secondly, as we make our changes and implement our big plans for the site, we will be completely transparent by posting case studies into exactly what we’ve done, what worked, what didn’t and why we believe it worked or it didn’t.  Third, we will continue to offer very helpful content to help you plug into your identity in two ways:

(1) Your identity as it pertains to your own personal development

(2) Your online identity as a blogger, Internet Marketer, content publisher, and online business owner

And now for the bad news…

Brett will be Moving On

I mentioned that I would be the new writer.  I should explain.  Brett is off to the University of Pennsylvania and he has decided to simplify his life and focus on his education.  I fully back him in this, of course.  Here is a farewell letter he wrote to you.

Who’s the New Guy?

So what makes me qualified to write for PluginID on the topic of personal development.  Who am I and why would you want to read what I have to say about the problem of becoming fully human.  That is to say, what makes me an authority on being fully alive and purpose-driven in life, business, relationships, Internet marketing, and life in general?

Well, since the age of 15, I have been on my own personal journey, gathering experience and knowledge in finding true fulfillment in life.   I have found that one is only truly happy when one has a true purpose and a way to live that is meaningful!  I decided long ago that merely existing and simply going through the motions of life was not for me.

Pain was Inevitable

I have always been an introspective type, which is great because I know myself well and have some great inner conversations that lead to deeper insights about myself, and how I relate to everyone else.  However, I also tend to go to extremes in my ideologies and appetites, and this has caused me much pain.

For example, I went through a period in my life where I was obsessed with being intoxicated 24/7 and I turned myself into the most accomplished drug addict I could be.  I do everything 150% and I applied that to drug use as well.

The Beginning of my Turn-Around

When I got sober more than 13 years ago, I had to find other, more productive outlets so I went to school and studied mathematics, physics and computer science.  I pursued my degree with a vengeance and graduated Summa Cum Laude with honors in math.  The only problem with that is that I became a bit too consumed with my studies and drove all of my loved-ones nuts because of my obsession.  My girlfriend, who is now my wife, got the impression that I loved theorems, derivations, and proofs more than her.

I have been obsessed with work, video games, extremely difficult math problems and many other things.

These and other obsessions are a good indication that there was a void in my life that I was trying to fill with mostly good things (after I became sober at 21 years of age, of course).  So, how did I eventually fill that God-shaped hole in my life?  How did I get away from being so self-consumed and obsessed with my pursuits that I couldn’t see much else?

The Completion of my Turn-Around

It was prayer and the development of a deep faith and trust in God that filled that void.  And it wasn’t until I was taught to laugh at myself that I could truly relax, enjoy life and start focusing on helping others rather than just satisfying my own appetites.  I discovered that wasn’t what everyone was thinking about just because I was all I was thinking about.

People generally aren’t thinking about me because they’re wrapped up in their own lives.  I found I was actually happiest when I was doing what Chuck Chamberlain so aptly phrased as, “helping God’s kids for fun and for free.”  In later posts, I will go into more detail about how I do that exactly.

I found that universe doesn’t have me at the center of it, even though it seems that way sometimes.  I could either accept these and search for other greater truths and meaning in my life and be happy, or I could continue deceiving myself and continue in my self-centered, self-consumed, miserable state.  Well I chose the greater path and have found more purpose in life than I know what to do with!

Where is PluginID Headed?

The above is a bit of a preview of what will be discussed in future posts on the personal development front.  And I cannot wait to show you some case studies of my personal development and online marketing successes and failures.  I have been on the personal development journey for 20 years.  I have also been engaged in Internet marketing for 10 years now and have owned and run more than 80 sites during that time.  I have had many successes and many great learning experiences and I am very excited to share them with you.

Now it is your turn.  What has truly made the difference in your personal development journey?

Also, we are asking you again to tell us what you would like to see on the site as we are completely remodeling it.  What do you love about the site now?  What needs to go?

So what if you fail at implementing self-improvement advice? I’ve failed countless times in my fight to get organized and acquire laser-like focus.

So whut if you make a couple of speling errors or typos? It doesn’t change the person that you are and it’s not that big of a deal because people understand you 90% of the time when you make a mistake anyways. And this is coming from a person who’s a total grammar Nazi. Do typos bug me? Yeah. But do they matter, in the grand scheme of things? Not really.

For all the serious stuff we preach — like getting your life into order, figuring out how to live “well”, cultivating good habits — we hardly ever take a step back and laugh at ourselves, at the absurdity that we feel like we need to absorb all these self-improvement concepts in order to live a good life.

You don’t, guys. Life isn’t that serious. It’s a tragicomedy, and you should be laughing at it often.

Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Everyone takes themselves and their personal drama way, way too seriously sometimes.

So what if someone insulted you? So what if your girlfriend broke up with you? So what if you’ve tried so hard to accomplish something, but when it counted, you failed?

They all don’t matter. Have a short memory, laugh at your emotions (as best you can; I’m the first person who’ll tell you that some things take time to heal), and move on.

Think about all the petty stuff you pour your energy into every day. Things like gossip. Arguments. Getting angry at the asshole that just cut you off on the highway. All of those things make you generate negative energy for a reason that you’ll probably forget about a week from now. In short: they don’t matter. If they don’t matter, why do you care so much about them? Learn to let go and to take this life a little bit less seriously.

Yes, I know that this may be the only chance we have at living, and that makes this life really, really serious business, but… Given the choice, wouldn’t you rather laugh at the absurdity of a situation rather than get angry about it?

Quick anecdote: a couple of weeks ago, my best friend and I got into a fight. Well, we didn’t really get into a fight, but I was pretty upset at her because of things that transpired over somebody’s blog. I didn’t approve of her actions and was so disgusted with what happened with regard to that blog that I thought of ending the relationship. Just turning my back on her, forever, because she participated in something that really, really irked me.

We’re still best friends. When we were talking about the situation, she said something along the lines of – “Listen, Brett. This argument over this person’s blog is stupid. It’s so stupid and unimportant. But our relationship — that’s what’s important. How can we let something petty like that destroy what’s truly important in our lives?”

I realized, then, that I was taking myself way too seriously, and had let my sense of self-righteousness get in the way of preserving something that was (and is) truly dear to me.

Life As A Comedy of Errors

After letting go of the idea that life is incredibly serious (because it’s not unless you make it that way), how can we view the negative things in our lives?

As a comedy of errors. The idea is that, when things go wrong, it’s inherently humorous (especially when the people committing the errors take themselves way too seriously, thus making the irony even greater). We’re humans, and we, in our arrogance, think we can transcend our nature and become perfect.

Wrong. We make errors all the time, guys. And when we do, we shouldn’t berate ourselves over it, like this — “Goddamnit Brett! You burnt the burgers again!”

Instead, just be cool with it. Laugh it off, realize that, while dinner may be ruined for one night, it’s not a big deal. It’s not going to effect me for the rest of my life. At worst, if I failed in particularly bad fashion, then I’ll have a nice humiliating story to tell about myself for posterity.

Either way, I win.

Caveats

Even though I’m telling you not to take life too seriously, it isn’t the same as telling you not to take life seriously at all.

There are some things in life that should be taken seriously, like your values, relationships, and work. Those deserve all your energy and dedication, and you should focus on them because they’re what matters in life. If things go wrong there, the comedy of errors theory works — to a point. Obviously, if you get laid off from your job or your significant other rejects your proposal, you’re not going to be smiling and saying to yourself, “Oh, what a comedy of errors life is!”

You’re going to be hurt. And that’s okay, because, in order to experience life to the fullest, we have to experience a full range of emotions.

The idea that we shouldn’t take life too seriously only applies to the mundane things that bother us. Short-term failures and things out of our control are what deserve to be laughed at; we need to relax more and stop going into crisis mode when anything goes wrong.

This also means that all the other advice I’ve given you — most of which, if you’ll recall, is pretty serious — still applies. That is, if you think improving yourself and living a better life is important, then you can’t just laugh at it all the time. You’ll need to be serious and disciplined in order to form positive habits.

When you screw up, sure, you can laugh at yourself. On one condition: that you try again.

I’ll give you a hint: you don’t need much. You don’t need a fancy car, you don’t need that kick-ass apartment, you don’t need that new smartphone. You don’t need much, my friend.

Here’s what I think you need to live a fantastic life: good food, good shelter (while you don’t need an awesome place, at least get something that feels like home), fantastic relationships with people you love, work that fulfills you, and a good set of habits (like the habit of being a good, kind person).

That’s it. You don’t really need anything else.

You Already Have All You Need

One way to measure your value as a person is this exercise: imagine what you’d do (or have) if, one day, someone came and stole every single one of your possessions, so you’re left with nothing. No job, no apartment, no money, no computer, no nothing. Just you, and the clothes on your back.

What would you have left?

That mysterious uber-thief may have been able to steal all of your possessions, but your two most important assets remained untouched:

Your relationships and you.

Your relationships are vitally important. As much as I like to preach that we shouldn’t really care what other people think of you, your relationships in life are incredibly valuable — in fact, I think they’re the most valuable things you have (besides yourself). If you lost everything, you’d still have your friends to fall back on if you needed a place to stay, or if you needed some help financially. You’d still have valuable contacts in your network to get you a job again. And, most importantly, you’d have a ton of people (hopefully!) willing to give you the support and love you need.

The thing that we overlook is that, even when the times aren’t rough, our friends and family are still there to give the love and support that we need to carry on with our lives. Yes – I said we need love and support, because I don’t think that we can function properly all alone, us human beings being social creatures and all.

Even when you have all the possessions in the world, though, your most valuable possession is you. You are the best thing you’ve got, even if you manage to score the world’s biggest luxury yacht or private jet or whatever insanely expensive item you can think of. You’re still more valuable than all of them, because you’re human. Because you have the ability to adapt to changing circumstances, because you alone determine what habits you have, because you alone have the ability to make yourself into the hero of your own life.

We’re in the hero-making business here at PluginID. And, even after you lose everything, you still have all you need, because you have the skills and experiences that make you you. You can then leverage those unique skills and experiences to make something of yourself. You can build yourself back up, because you have the ability to do it — we all do. It sounds cliché, but the thing is, it’s true. When faced with incredible loss, we can bounce back extremely well, provided we actually use what we have at our disposal: our skills and our relationships.

Act As If You Had Nothing

If you had nothing, you’d be working a lot harder to maintain, use, and enjoy your relationships (when’s the last time you had a conversation that lasted more than an hour? Be honest!), and you’d be relentlessly using your own human capital (skills, knowledge, etc.) to lock down a job in your area of expertise.

Why aren’t you doing that now? Why aren’t you acting like the only things that you have in your life are your skills (your job, currently) and your relationships? They’re all you really need to live a good life — all the other things, like food and shelter and habits, are just there so you can enjoy those things while being self-sufficient.

Scale your life down. Ask what you really need in your life.

Invest in what you really need to keep your life feeling whole. Ditch the rest, because they’re really not all that important.

Determined to get myself into better shape – hockey season’s been over for the past 3 months or so, and I haven’t done as much as I’d like to to have kept myself in shape – I bought a pair of new running shoes on Sunday and went running (well, sprinting) yesterday.

What happened? Before every set of sprints, I was consumed by fear. I was feeling the pain of running in advance. I was nervous – not because I was worried that I wouldn’t perform well, but because I knew that, in order to grow and get faster, I was going to have to run. Which meant that I’d have to go through pain; my lungs would burn while my legs would be begging me to stop. Even though I knew that I had to run and go through the pain, I tried to stop myself. I tried holding myself back.

Pain Leads to Growth

With the idea of “lifehacks” – small, easy changes that, once implemented, can boost your results in a big way – becoming more prevalent, I’ve been shying away from pushing my comfort zone. Since I read Tim Ferriss’s The Four Hour Body I’ve been a proponent of training smarter, not harder — and I typically advocate this approach in the rest of life as well.

But I’m coming to the realization that, even if you cut all the corners possible by “working smart” instead of working hard, you still will have to work actively to break away from your comfort zone in order to experience real, lasting growth.

With lifehacks and working smart, you can make tremendous gains quickly because you’re replacing the things you’re doing wrongly with the correct, most efficient method. In essence, you learn how to do things the “right” way. This is analogous to learning the correct technique in a sport.

However, learning the correct technique on its own isn’t good enough. Unless you challenge yourself, your results will not improve much, even when you’re working “smart”. If you’re not reaching toward progression, you will regress, even if you’re doing things the “smart” way.

Put another way: by working smart, you’re going to achieve growth relative to your previous inefficient ways. But notice that no one tells you how to improve beyond working smart, and it’s not because there isn’t a way to grow beyond that; I’ve been training “smart” for the past couple of months, but I still have some serious improvement to do.

You grow beyond just working smart by working smart and hard. You have to push your limits while working smart in order to achieve your true potential.

What makes the idea of working smart so compelling to so many people is that they feel like they don’t have to work hard anymore to push their comfort zones to see improvement. That’s false. Even when you’re working smart, you can always improve by working harder, by pushing your comfort zone, and feeling some pain. Working smart shouldn’t make you fail-proof, it should only make you fail more spectacularly as you try new things at an advanced level — and crash and burn along the way.

The pain associated with failure and breaking free from your comfort zone is worth it, though: your performance, almost without exception (unless you overtrain) will improve over time, and the pain will be worth it.

Instead of resisting the pain, embrace it. It’s only temporary.

So, go, my readers. Reading this post won’t make you experience any pain.

Go do something that will.

Of course, by perpetually focusing on getting the thing I’m doing done so I can move onto the next thing, I’m never really focused on or enjoying the thing I’m doing in the present – for example, writing this post. I’m worried about reading Infinite Jest later (which is an awesome, awesome book, by the way), and after that, working out, and after that, meditating, and after that, cleaning up my RSS feeds, my twitter feed, and realigning my life on the Internet so I can do what I need to do in order to make this blog grow more and enjoy myself along the way (I’ve been getting burnt out a little bit). I can guarantee you that when I finish this post and start reading Infinite Jest, I’ll be worried about finishing my reading on time so I can go work out. And while I’m working out, I’ll be pushing myself to go faster so I’ll have more time to meditate. And so on, until I’m a big ball of rushed anxiety.

This is why, in order to enjoy the task you’re working on, all you have to do is slow down and enjoy the process. You’ll be amazed at how fast time flies when you slow down and your’e actually enjoying yourself.

I’m Always Looking at the Second Slice of Pizza. Really.

This reminds me of an anecdote from the novel The Fortress of Solitude (note: it was okay. Worth reading? Eh, maybe, just because Lethem’s writing is so great at parts). It describes the situation very, very well:

”There’s a story I like to tell,” said Brodeur. “When I was a boy I used to love pizza, and whenever my father took me to the pizzeria I’d order two slices. And I’d sit and he’d watch me wolfing down the first slice with my eyes on the second. I wasn’t even tasting that first slice. And one day my father said to me, ‘Son, you need to learn that while you’re eating the first slice of pizza, eat the first slice. Because right now you’re eating the second slice before you’ve finished the first.’ And a year ago I realized that I needed that lesson again. I took a look at my life and realized I had my eye on the second slice of pizza.”

By doing things the way I do them, I’m looking at the second slice while I’m eating the first. I’m not even tasting the first slice since I’m so focused on getting to the next level and doing the next thing that needs to be done. By not tasting the slice, I’m not enjoying the things I’m doing enough – I’m not letting myself enjoy them because I see them as burdens that eat up my time, and nothing more.

This is why efficiency is overrated. Enjoyment should come first. And, plus, if you’re doing something important – something like work where you normally really want to get it done quickly – you owe it to yourself to slow down and enjoy the ride.

Hitting the Bullseye

Signal vs. Noise had another awesome post on this very thing the other day. Kay P wrote:

Then my trainer asked me what I would do if I had three darts, had already thrown two, and I only had one shot left at hitting the bullseye.

I told him I’d slow down. I’d take a deep breath, measure the distance, mock a few practice throws back and forth, settle in, focus, and throw. I wouldn’t rush up there and just toss the thing.

And it clicked for me. When you really want to do something right, which is usually what you should be striving for, you tend to slow down.

If you want to hit the bullseye, it only makes sense for you to slow down, and focus.

This also means that any and all distractions have to get thrown out the window if you’re going to do a good job at anything. Could you aim at the bullseye with your dart, get focused, then take a phone call?

No.

In fact, if you were intent on hitting the bullseye and someone called you as you were aiming and getting yourself ready to hit the bullseye, you’d probably ignore the call. You’d be so honed in on your target that the unimportant distraction – the phone call – wouldn’t even have an effect on you. You’d tune it out.

Then why do we let ourselves get so distracted in our work? Why do we constantly look forward to the next thing that we have to do, instead of slowing down, focusing, and ignoring all the irrelevant stuff that’s threatening the very quality of our work and life?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s because we like the idea of “taking breaks”. Maybe it’s because we don’t know how much those breaks are hurting not only our productivity, but the quality of our work. (Ironically, someone just came and interrupted me as I was writing this part, and I lost my entire train of thought, even though I was only distracted for a little while. See – distractions kill.)

Slow down, hit the bullseye, and taste the first slice of pizza. Your taste buds, your boss, and your conscience will thank you later.

Are you comfortable? Good. Let’s begin.

For so long, I thought that relationships on the Internet were an acceptable substitute for real-life relationships. No – I don’t mean that I had long-distance relationships over Skype with a girl from British Columbia, as interesting and cool as that may sound. No, I mean that I thought that all the energy I poured into blogging and building relationships here, in the digital realm, could replace the relationships that I let fail in real life.


My logic was great. Hey, on the Internet, you get to pick your friends, rather than having your friends being tied to your real-life community that is limited by age and geography. Here, I can congregate with likeminded people. Therefore, Internet relationships are far, far superior to real life relationships.

Sounds good, right? Wrong.

The Digital Age Myth

The greatest myth of our generation is that, somehow, everything about real life can be replaced digitally, except for food, water, and housing. But everything else can be replaced by electronics.

Don’t believe me?

Face-to-face conversations have been replaced by Skype.

We can relive social events by checking out pictures on Facebook. Hell, we can do everything socially with Facebook.

You can collaborate on work projects over the Internet, especially if Open Source software is your gig. Your coworkers can now live thousands of miles away and you can now work on the same project simultaneously, as if they were right next to you.

You can build your business on the Internet, selling your consulting services or whatever you can think of without ever having to meet your clients in person.

Amazon has killed shops of every kind and you can now purchase anything on the Internet… Even used things, via eBay.

You can communicate with people who have the same interests as you on any number of Internet message boards. If you’re interested in it, I guarantee that, somewhere, there’s an awesome message board for it.

And on and on we go, down the line, until every aspect of modern life is somehow captured by electronics.

However – the great myth is that we can actually replace these things. We can’t. As good as the Internet is, a Skype conversation is nowhere near as dynamic as a real, face-to-face conversation, and going on facebook and doing stuff is much worse than actually going out with your friends.

The Limitations of E-Living

The biggest problem with the Internet is this: no matter how hard you try, you can’t share an experience with someone on the Internet. You can’t. Skype conversations are not experiences, tagging people in pictures of events that already happened are not experiences, and exchanging emails with someone, no matter how much you like them, is not an experience. It’s almost as if there’s this layer that prevents us from fully accepting our exchanges on the Internet as something real, no matter how real the person on the other side of the screen might be.

Know what’s interesting? Guess what I consider to be the most fulfilling part of life?

Yep, you guessed it – sharing experiences with others. The Internet’s achilles heel is the thing that makes life wonderful. And, for that reason, you can’t depend on it to fulfill your relationships. You need to get out, cultivate real-life, awesome relationships and not sit in your cave all the time.

Though I’ve always had plenty of good relationships in my life, for the past few months I’ve put aside the digital world and really focused on building relationships in the real world, to the point where I hardly read blogs anymore, and barely ever check in on Twitter.

And you know what? I feel better than I ever did when I was fully invested in the social media and blogging business.

Don’t get me wrong. There are a ton of people who are doing really awesome work on the Internet that I love to read whenever I get a chance, like Ash Ambirge, Joel Runyon, and Colin Wright but, to be honest, my real-life obligations (and relationships!) have had such a stranglehold on my life that I’d prefer to do what has impact in my life, rather than spend time consuming blogs.

And, you know what, that’s all you should be doing too. Consume sparingly, but above all, live life in real life.

Stop Wasting Time On the Internet and Go Do Something Already!

See above. That’s all I have to say. Go fall in love, go invite your friends out, go do something. Go live. Please. Because, honestly, reading this post ain’t living, friend.

Accept what is – everything about your reality and yourself, just accept what is, and move on.

Live in the present. Don’t dwell on the past or the future. Focus on what you can change in the here and now.

Do what you love. Or, rather, love what you do – put your full love into every action you make. Remember: it’s not that you’re not passionate about your work, it’s that you won’t be passionate about your work. Summon the energy, and the passion will be there.

Build awesome relationships. Have fun with people, don’t take yourself too seriously, and be open with them.

Take care of your health. Treat yourself right if you’re expecting to perform at your best (and, trust me, life’s so much more fun when you’re performing at your peak).

Be willing to get hurt, get rejected, have everything conceivable go wrong, and still have the strength to come out the other side in one piece.

Don’t be afraid to start things – anything. Just by starting, you’ll kill the majority of the fear and the resistance you’ll face. Just do it.

Most of all: you only live once. Don’t take this life for granted.

As much as I like to be productive, sometimes it’s productive to not be productive at all.

Our busy lives and all of our obligations threaten to swallow up every last second of free time that we have. If you’re not actively doing something, everyone preaches, you’re wasting time.

Sometimes the best thing to do when you have a free moment (or a thousand) is to do nothing at all. To pause and reflect about the direction your life is headed. To take a deep breath. To relish the feeling of being alive.

Keeping Your Head Down and Never Changing Course = Zombie

Our system of working – and living – has made it so we spend all our time doing things. We are always doing an activity, whether it’s sleeping, eating, driving, working, reading, or watching TV. We’re always doing.

When you’re busy occupying yourself with too much “doing”, there’s no time to just “be”. “Being time” is when you sit and reflect on what’s going on in your life – where you can take the time to actually think about those things you spend all of your waking hours doing. You won’t be able to change anything that you’re doing if you’re so preoccupied that you can’t even think; just allowing yourself to be and assess where you’re going in your life can save you hours of mindless drudgery.

Imagine if, while you’re sitting there, thinking about things, that you discover a new or novel idea that will fundamentally change the way you work. Maybe it’s a realization about how to approach a particularly difficult project or problem that you’re facing. Maybe it’s a way to make yourself more efficient because you’ve identified a major distraction that disturbs you all the time when you’re working. Maybe it’s just realizing how grateful you are to live the life you lead, and you end up changing the way you live for the rest of your life.

All of those are the benefits – none too farfetched – of giving yourself time to just be. Scheduling in a period of time where your object is to do nothing allows you to pick your head up from the grindstone and ask yourself, “Why am I doing this? Am I getting what I want out of my life right now?”

If the answer’s yes, you’ll get back to work.

If the answer’s no, you’ll probe further, examining your work, relationships, health, and everything in-between. That kind of self-examination is what you need in order to catalyze personal change and/or improvement.

However, it’s up to you to stop working and take a look around once in a while. Even if you’re not hell-bent on changing your life because you’re satisfied with yourself, life’s a lot sweeter when you take the time to smell the roses. Trust me – I’m feeling the impermanence of my own life now that I’m officially an adult, and all the days that I thought would never come have already passed me by.

Why, then, do we spend so much time trying to do things in an effort to change what cannot be changed by us alone? It’s an exercise in futility to try to change what cannot be changed. (Note: sometimes your brain will lie to you, and things that appear to be uncontrollable or unchangeable actually can be controlled or changed. It’s a matter of discretion and being able to see the truth of the situation).

All your mental complaining about how you’re not good enough or how your coworker Bert gets on your nerves so much doesn’t do a thing. It’s not constructive. It’s not helping your situation in any tangible way. And it creates a pattern where you get addicted to negativity because your body actually likes when you get mad, due to the increased levels of emotional arousal. If nothing else, getting outraged about things, however small, lets you know you’re still alive.

When Feeling Alive Goes Wrong

As human beings – or living organisms, really – all we are seeking out of life is to feel alive. As I said above, your negativity and your willingness to try and change things that are out of your control actually makes you feel alive – which is why you can fall into patterns of negativity so easily. It’s a tough habit to break, because without it, you won’t be able to feel that same “rush” that you get when you’re pissed off about something.

But think of how much energy you’re using in order to create that rush when you’re starting to get upset. All that energy had to come from somewhere, right? When you’re feeling normal – not particularly excited about anything – that energy is still there, waiting for you to tap into it. You just use it when you get mad because you feel justified to use it when you’re angry. How many calm angry people have you ever seen? That’s because people feel the right to channel their energy when they’re angry. For some strange reason, they think anger gives them an excuse to become emotionally excited.

The takeaway? If you’d let yourself become excited and use all that energy you have inside of you, you’d be able to experience that feeling of aliveness when you’re doing anything, as opposed to using it when you’re pissed off and trying to change things that you simply can’t control.

Imagine how much energy you waste on negativity – being offended, hurt, outraged, pissed off.

Imagine if you could use that same energy to be a more positive, creative, and upbeat person.

You can. You just have to be willing to justify using that energy for positivity instead of negativity; it’s easy to get pumped up because you’re hurt and you want to settle a score with someone, but it’s a lot harder to excited about doing something that will actually leave a positive impact.

Don’t let yourself fall into soul-sucking behavior. You only have a finite amount of energy – spend it wisely.