While I only ended up being a mediocre high school runner, I worked my butt off to get the results I did. My running career involved overcoming injuries, pushing through pain, and testing my own self limits. One of my biggest lessons came when I completed my first ten mile run.

I was never a big fan of long runs, yet in order to become the best runner you can be it’s required. There was a point when I was so scared of running ten mile runs, that I would literally tense up and drop off a 10 mile run after a single mile.

The irony was, I could do three or four mile runs in my sleep. Yet there I was falling off a ten mile run at the mile marker just because I scared.

It took a while of feeling sorry for myself, but one day after finally falling off over a dozen longs, I decided that I had had enough. I was going to make a ten mile run come hell or high water. I was going to do it. I believed I could do it.

Needless to say the next run I completed, leading the group, even running one of the faster times for a ten mile run. It was possible.

How was I able to complete my first ten mile run?

It’s All In Your Head

I realize the saying it’s all in your head is at times overly simplistic, but I can’t reiterate how powerful it is to know you control your reality. Sure there are times of bad luck, and sometimes we are dealt bad hands, but you always have control over the space between your ears.

For the longest time I couldn’t complete a ten mile run because I thought about all the pain it would bring. I thought about how I wasn’t tough enough. I thought about why considering my rather lazy history, that I couldn’t compete with the elite. And what do you know? That’s what happened.

The moment I began believing I WAS capable was the moment I won and fear lost.

The truth is, there was no way I should have been falling off those ten mile runs at the mile marker. Physically I was ready to complete a ten mile run, but I let the thought of “I’m not good enough” take control. As Henry Ford once said, “whether you think you can or can’t you’re right.”

Positive thinking doesn’t make all things possible, but your belief in your success opens up doors that otherwise not be open. If you’re currently stuck take notice of how you think. Are you holding yourself back from certain success? I know I was.

Have a Worthy Goal

When I decided that I wanted to finish a ten mile run with my cross country group, there was nothing I wanted more at the time. I was so tired of falling off and seeing kids I knew I raced better than complete the run. I was so tired of feeling sorry for myself. I wanted nothing more than to conquer every step of that ten mile run. So I set my sights on doing it.

When you have a worthy goal you’re going to push through the pain or the set backs. But if you could careless about the goal, when it gets tough, you’re simply gonna throw in the towel. In my case it was my determination to succeed that pushed me through. The run was still painful, I still had to battle, but I knew that I wanted to succeed.

I finished my first ten mile run absolutely exhausted, but it made me me realize what’s possible.

Take a moment and reevaluate your current goals. Do you really want to make them happen? Or are you trying to impress those around you? Having a worth goal is half the battle, the other is showing up.

Surround Yourself With Excellence

It’s no surprise that some of the most successful individuals or sports teams have a great group to support them. Do you think Steve Jobs does everything himself? No. He surrounds himself with a great team that helps him see his vision through.

One of the reasons I was able to pull off my long run is because I ran with a group dedicated to excellence. They wanted to become the best runners they could be so they consistently pushed themselves through the inevitable pains of becoming a better runner. I would have struggled to complete my ten mile run if I was going solo.

If you surround yourself with people who have an incredible interest to succeed it’s impossible for it not to wear off on you. Find people who motivate you. Find people who want to make the world a better place. Often times it’s simply your social circle that’s holding you back from making your dreams your reality.

What are you trying to accomplish? Is your social circle helping you move closer to that goal? While you certainly can accomplish much on your own, surrounding yourself with people with passion and determination won’t hurt.

I hope my personal story helps you realize that regardless of what you want to accomplish you can take significant strides if you just believe in your own ability. Kick fear to the curb and start living the life you’ve always craved. I’m going for a run a for the first time in two years.

I’ll be the first to admit, making new friends can be quite the challenge. For much of my life I struggled with making new friends. It wasn’t until my family was transferred from Texas to China that I finally discovered how to create the connections I’ve always dreamed of. It takes hard work but you can turn your social life around.

One study suggests that throughout a lifetime you will have close to 400 friends with nearly 40 at every given time. Making the ability to make new friends a must. Having moved around the world I’d like share some tips that have helped me make new friends.

Just Say Hello

One of the quickest ways to make new friends is to say hello. Say hi to that stranger in the park. Ask the person in line how her day has been. Simply saying hello is conversation starter and may lead to further connection. While traveling back from Chicago recently, I said hello to a Japanese guy sitting next to me and we ended having a three hour conversation about world travel. You never know where a little hello may lead you.

Ask About Them

When you meet someone new you are often tempted to talk about yourself. DON’T. Instead ask questions about the person you just met. Obviously it’s important not to interrogate but feel free to ask simple questions that may spark further conversation. It’s surprising at how much people enjoy talking about themselves. Ask away!

Listen

Everybody likes a person who can listen. I don’t mean someone who listens half way, I mean someone who really listens. Listening is one of the most underrated skills in my opinion, because far too many people underestimate the importance of it. Sit back and listen, and offer your say when you see an appropriate opening.

Show Up

Those who struggle making new friends are usually the one’s who stay home and complain about their lack of a social life. Creating a social circle in which you enjoy takes work. It’s not just going to show up on your doorstep. Making new friends takes effort. Go to a public park. Take a trip to the movies. Go out with your current friends. The more you show up, the better chances you have of making new friends simple as that.

Network Online

In this day and age it’s very easy to make strong connections online. A few years ago, making friends online wasn’t seen as positively as it is today, so take advantage of the tools you have. Whether it be by Twitter, Facebook, or Foursqaure, there’s an abundance of social media sites that can help you make new friends. Once you establish an online relationship it’s easy to take it to the real world by meeting up at a public place or connecting further on the phone.

Do Remarkable Work

It’s no secret that those who do remarkable work are the ones with the greatest social circle. This isn’t to say you have to be a billionaire to make good friends, but if you do amazing things people are eventually going to notice. When you work your but off day in and day out it’s only a matter of time before a social circle comes to support you. By sharing your gifts with the world you open yourself up to many potential relationships that will only enhance the work you do.

Give Value

As with doing remarkable work, it’s important that you give value to those you come in contact with. No one enjoys someone who only mooches off of them. Make sure you go into any potential relationship with the idea that you’re there to benefit off of each-other, rather than living on a one way street. Offer your hand of support and be there whenever needed.

Drink Coffee

I admit a bit misleading. You don’t actually have to drink coffee instead I’m talking about going to a coffee shop. Most coffee shops tend to be a place of lively energy which has many people who are looking to connect. Sometimes I’ll go to a coffee shop and just sit there having small talk with whoever looks willing. I’ve met a handful of people from opening up over a small cup of coffee and I know you can too.

Don’t Complain

One of the quickest ways to NOT make friends is to complain. It’s safe to say that complaining is a huge turn off for many, yet so many continue to do it on a regular basis. Instead of complaining focus on the positives and you’ll be surprised at how more attractive you become. Would you want to be friends with someone who complains 24/7? I’d bet against it.

Join A Club

Joining a club is an easy, yet powerful way to meet people who share similar interests. Joining a club puts you in a perfect situation to make new friends in an environment that isn’t overwhelming. Enjoy doing yoga? Find a studio that you can go two twice a week? Want to become a better public speaker? Join Toastmasters in an area near you. Don’t overlook the possibilities of joining a club for an interest you enjoy.

Smile

If you walk around with your head down you’re making it very difficult for new connections to come your way. Instead make a habit to walk with your head high and a smile where ever you go. I happen to smile quite often and as a result many people return the favor. It’s very rewarding to know that you put a smile on someone’s face. A smile says you’re friendly and who doesn’t like that?

Drop Your Shield

Open up. Choose to connect at a deep and meaningful level. Leave the fluff at home. Don’t pretend you’re someone you’re not. The fact that you’re human makes you imperfect and that’s something to embrace. Some of the deepest relationships I’ve had came after I revealed who I really was. It may be scary to open up fully but your relationships will be rewarded.

Believe You’re Worthy

One of the biggest road blocks for creating great relationships is the false belief that you’re not worthy to have them. I’m here to tell you that you are. Simply believing you’re worthy and capable of the relationships you deserve invites them to form. More often than not, you get out of life what you expect. Go into each relationship with the belief that you benefit the other person and vice versa. Your relationships will change dramatically.

While some of these are simple don’t underestimate the power they posses. I hope you can use them to take your current relationships to the next level and hopefully make a few great friends along the way. After all everyone could use an extra friend. :)

Obviously the quality of leading differs from person to person. Some lead poorly, resorting to violence and intimidation, and others embrace the good of humanity to create a positive path of growth.

I sincerely believe that anyone can learn to become a great leader. Though it won’t come easy. Quality leadership takes time, requires, patience, determination, and passion. I’ve  written a simple guide that I hope will help start you on becoming the leader you want to be.

Believe In What You Preach

If you’re passionate about what you talk about the more people are willing to take notice of what you have to say. Seems obvious right? Yet, I can’t tell you how many people pretend they care about something when it’s inherently obvious they could careless.

Ever notice how Everett Bogue is taking the minimalist movement by storm? It’s because he actually lives a minimalist life. Because of his leadership, hundreds of people are learning to let go of the materialism that binds them.

Having recently had coffee with Everett, I could tell he was the real deal. It seems others think so too.

If you want people to respect you for the leader you are, you sure as heck need to stand behind something you truly believe in.

Bring Out The Best

Good leaders have the uncanny ability to bring out the best in the people that believe in them. Why are some sports coaches able to create a champion team in less than a year? Because they find out what makes drives individuals on the team.

Quality leaders make people feel good about themselves because when people feel good about what they are capable of doing, they are more likely to get involved. Sometimes exceptional leadership calls for challenging people in uncomfortable ways, but it’s always about bringing out the best in everyone involved.

Tim Brownson, coauthor of How To Rich And Happy and kick ass life coach, knows that the more people believe in themselves, the better off the world will be. That’s why he’s so dedicated in helping less fortunate individuals discover the life that they never knew they could have.

Whether it be at work or at home there is always ways in which you can bring out the best in those around you. See a coworker struggling? Remind them how well they did last quarter. Family member feeling lost? Point them in a direction to help get them back on path. You don’t have have help a large group of people to make a difference, just the small few who need it. Small movements matter.

Listen

We all know the importance of listening. Yet it is a skill that many need to continue to work on (myself included.) Don’t go into a conversation thinking you know more, instead go into it as if you’re a student. By listening deeply you’ll be able to pick up some great ideas and discover what makes people move.

How do you think Gary Vaynerchuck has reached the point he is today? Do you think it’s because he was obsessed with himself? No, it’s because he puts the hours in to just listen. He’s famously known for his gigantic following on Twitter, and routinely responds to the thousands of people who comment him. Because of this, he has gained the respect of millions all over the world.

Without listening, leadership doesn’t exist, because without listening you’re just “that damn boss.” By listening you show that it’s not just about you and that you genuinely care about the good of all those involved.

By listening, you tell those who follow that you care. And people like knowing they are cared for.

Keep Your Word

Make a promise? Keep it. Tell someone you’ll help out? Make sure you don’t bail. Keeping your word though simple, has a huge impact on how people perceive you.

I’m sure you know of someone who constantly promises the world yet never shows up. As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve been that person myself. Though I’m much more reliable than I use to be, I still have a ways to go, and that just shows that learning to be a good leader takes hard work.

One of the simplest ways to keep your word is to reduce the commitments you make. In an age in which we are meant to “over deliver”, it’s easy to commit to way to much. Instead of falling down that path, only partake in what you know you can do to the best of your ability. It’s OK to mess up every now and again, but fall back on your promises one to many times and you’ll suffer the consequences.

Lose The Title

Leading doesn’t require that you have a fancy title. Great leaders view themselves as everyone else. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal to be worshipped. Instead just show that you care.

Obviously with great leadership comes power, but letting power go to your head only hinders your ability to really lead. By losing the title you show it’s more about the idea than it is about you, which encourages people to believe and do their best.

Exceptional leadership brands itself. You don’t need to have a title to be known as someone who gets things done.

Befriend Imperfection and Embrace Transparency

A good leader knows they won’t be on top of their game all the time. They admit when they come up short as to show they are human. They are transparent because they know that in being so they garner more respect. They don’t put a false persona up because they know, just like everyone else, they mess up. Imperfection is fuel.

It’s safe to to assume many of you know the likes of Steve Pavlina. Whether you like his lifestyle choices or not, it’s no secret he’s very transparent in what he does. He openly admits his mistakes and fears.

Leading doesn’t mean you know everything. There are many leaders who aren’t nearly as smart as those they are leading. The difference is they know how to use the resources they’ve been given.

There’s a study that shows the sales of two cooking commercials. One infomercial had a gorgeous host with a spotless reputation and a perfectly executed meal. The other commercial though similar, involved a more average looking host, and her slipping up when cooking the meal. Surprisingly the second commercial out sold the first commercial significantly. Why? Because people like imperfection.

Admirable leaders know perfection isn’t possible but aiming for greatness is good enough.

Becoming A Leader

You may not command the attention of millions of people over your life time. Your name may not be etched in the history books. You may only be known to a select few. But that doesn’t mean you won’t go unnoticed. Work your way to the place you want to reach.

People are looking to be lead. Problems need to be solved. Leaders aren’t born they are made. Isn’t it time you begin?

In reflecting on my most intimate relationships, that is my closest family and friends, I’ve been reminded how important our relationships are in our everyday life. And though our social interactions affect our lives tremendously, we often neglect arguably the most important relationship of all: The one with ourselves.

Having been a chronic people-pleaser for much of my life, I know what it’s like to always feel behind. I know what it’s like to always go out of your way to make a particular relationship work. I know what what it’s like to feel empty and alone.

Yet in my admittedly young life, I’ve found that our desire to people please often comes from our insecurity within. Many know this at a conscious level, yet many continue to change themselves instead of learning to love themselves unconditionally.

By loving yourself with every ounce of being you alter your reality to a place of unconditional compassion. And though knowing that you create the world you live in is quite often a scary thought, it can be used for the greater good.

Obviously, your thinking alone can’t alter the world in anyway you please. There are an abundance of other factors that come into play when considering your current reality, ones that you do not control. That being said however, your happiness and ultimate satisfaction in life directly correlates to how much love you are able, and willing, to give yourself.

Learning To Love Yourself

It would be nice to live in a world where loving ourselves was as common as breathing. However unfortunately that’s not the case. Growing up, we face and meet a lot of resistance to this seemingly intelligent idea. And as years pass we forget that we deserve not only love from those around us, but our love as well.

I’ve struggled recently with accepting that I’m OK just the way I am, and unfortunately that has reflected in my current reality. Yet as I’ve spent the last few weeks working on loving myself I can slowly but surely see that love coming back to me in various ways often through other relationships.

Loving yourself fully may feel a bit uncomfortable at first depending on your past, but regardless of where you’ve been it is possible. I spent much of my early teen years resenting myself because I felt inadequate. I’m sure you can recall a similar time in your life in which you’ve felt the same. However as I began loving myself my life slowly but transformed.

By making the time and effort to love yourself, all faults included, your reality will soon begin to reflect that love. Instead of a life filled with pessimism, love will soon flow to almost effortlessly. When you realize that each interaction you have is essentially a part of you, it makes even more sense to learn to love yourself unconditionally and with every ounce of love you have.

Loving yourself fully obviously won’t solve all of life’s ills, but it will at least make each breathe you take one of mystical beauty.

Tuning In

Whenever life gets a bit hectic, take a moment to notice your current relationship with yourself. Be selfish with your love with the expectation your love is going to be a gift to others. Are you treating yourself with respect? Are you expecting far too much from yourself? Are you giving yourself enough rest?

Most external problems are nothing but a simple fix on the inside. The mirror is the world’s greatest teacher.

Trying to give love when there is none to give is like trying to drive a car with no gas. You may be able to turn the car on, but in the end you won’t get anywhere. Luckily, you can create gas at will, and at no cost, by accepting the person you’ve turned out to be. Only by learning to love yourself can you begin sharing the wealth and abundance that you’re capable of giving.

As you strengthen your relationship with yourself and grow deeper in love with the person you are, watch as the world begins to come alive.

It sounded quite strange to me at the time and I had totally forgotten about it until I saw the book again when browsing around the mall. The cover claimed there were over 2 million copies sold which was enough social proof for me to pick up a copy. I’m glad I did.

This post isn’t a review of the book; in fact it’s far from it. This post is about an idea which spurned from reading most of the book and stopping to get this out there. The idea behind the 10 scrolls contained – which help the main “character” in the book become a better salesman – is that you read each of them, day and night, for 30 days.

As taught in NLP, your mind works with whatever you give it (input), so reading and then re-reading these scrolls regularly will allow their messages to really sink into your subconscious. This is similar to my post I wrote on The 21 Day Challenge which was the most popular ever on this blog. If you give your mind enough of something to work with, you’ll eventually start operating through that mode on auto-pilot.

It is claimed that it takes 21 days to pick up a new habit, so I think the 21 to 30 day rule is a good figure to follow when it comes to really living the messages that these scrolls teach. Instead of picking my favourite from the book, I thought it would be far more effective if I wrote my own and used that to help me internalise some important teachings.

Writing Your Own Scroll

Your scroll – which is just really a long message to yourself about the kind of things you want to work on – can be focused around anything you want. You can use it to help you become more productive, more peaceful, more giving and even more focused. I won’t share my full scroll with you, but here’s part of mine:

From today and each day forward I will start my endeavours with a simple goal in mind: To live simply, focus on the essential, and eliminate any distractions. I was put on this earth to achieve whatever I want to achieve, and with this laser-like focus on goal-achievement I enable myself to do exactly that. I understand that the most effective and efficient way to get what you want out of life is to choose and work on tasks which help you to attain your dreams, and then continue with each until it is complete.

I will select only actionable-tasks that I can achieve each day and give my attention to just one action at a time. I will declutter all aspects of my life for things are merely a distraction if they do not align with my path of success in wealth, simplicity, health and happiness. I will attempt to eliminate all things from my day which deter or halt my progress on my life mission.

If you haven’t read The Worlds Greatest Salesman then this style of writing may seem strange, which I mimicked from the book. Also in keeping with the style of the scrolls in the book, my scroll is around five times as long as this.

From mine you can clearly see I have something I want to work towards: simple productivity. I’m only a few days into reading this but I already find myself living more aligned with the messages that I wrote for myself.

This is the fifth article I’ve written in three days. It has been months since I’ve been able to say anything like that.

I have three recommendations to give you for when you write your own scroll:

• Write with Focus and Clarity – You’re probably not going to see any benefit from this practice if you use words like ‘try’, ‘hope’ or ‘might’. Notice that I say things like ‘I will’ and I speak in a very positive language. Make the messages you want to internalise simple and clear.
• Stick to One Message – The rest of my scroll covers some aspects of life, but mostly it’s still in keeping with the idea of being productive and not letting life’s distractions affect me. Just like with the 21 day challenge post I previously wrote, I think it’s better to stick to one core thing that you want to change to make this effective.
• Be Personal – In my scroll you can see I write things like “I understand” and that’s because…I really do understand this. Write things which you believe to be true for you and I believe that this will help you much more. If you can’t connect to the words when you re-read them then this probably isn’t going to be as useful as it could.

Once you have it written down, print it out and leave it next to your bed. This way it’s easy to remember to read it just after you wake up and just before you go to sleep. This may seem a little crazy to some people but it links closely with my readings on NLP and the science behind the 21 day challenge which is why I think it’s working well for me.

Try it out for yourself and let me know what you think.

Glen Allsopp is the founder and ex-owner of PluginID. He now writes for ViperChill, a blog on viral marketing.

While fear certainly has the potential to hold you back, being scared isn’t always as bad as it may seem. In fact, I believe that being scared is an important component of growth and essential in expressing your gifts to the world.

Expands Your Comfort Zone

Being scared generally means opportunities for growth. I’m all about pushing outside your comfort zone in a way that makes sense for you.
If you move to a new country for example, like I did when I went from The US to Shanghai, it’s normal to be scared first.

Will I fit in? How will I respond to the new culture? Will people like me? However after you arrive and are immersed in your new surroundings your threshold for what scares you will most likely rise.

If you face your fears rather than run from them, your perspective on what you can and can’t handle will change.

When I go back and look at the various fears I had growing up I’m amazed at how many of them don’t phase me anymore. Expand your comfort zone and you will be rewarded with opportunities you never thought possible.

Fear is Relative

What scares you now may have no affect on you many years down the road. There’s no point in worrying whether or not you’ll overcome a certain fear. When I was younger I never thought I’d enjoy roller coasters but as it turns out I’ve come to love them.

Just because you’re scared of something now doesn’t mean you won’t own your fear in days to come. Being afraid of something just means you have a chance to out grow it. And when you out grow a fear you usually end up better off.

As you mature and experience new paths your definition of fear will continue to change. Being scared simply means there are more paths you need to explore.

Makes Life Exciting

Why is it that so many people want to risk their life and jump out of a plane? Because it’s scary that’s why. While many of us intentionally design our lives to be safe, deep down many of us crave a bit of scary in our everyday life.

If you’re scared of snakes, wrapping one around your neck probably won’t do much for you, but choosing specific fears for you to overcome and conquer can be incredibly rewarding.

With fear generally comes uncertainty, and there’s something about uncertainty that we are often attracted to. Overcoming a personal battle or struggle can really take life to the next level. Without fear your life becomes a boring sitcom rerun.

Creates New Boundaries

When you’re afraid you have a chance to immerse yourself in a whole new world. I used to be afraid of sharing my thoughts with people online, but that fear turned into something I now enjoy.

On the side of each fear is a boundary waiting to be explored. The more you face your fears the more you “level up” and the better you’re able to handle future problems and setbacks.

If you simply live a life with your comfortable you’ll become stagnant and miss out on the numerous opportunities of growth.

Had I never began blogging, I wouldn’t have been introduced to the wonderful community I’ve come to love. Your fears are often a blessing in disguise.

Means You’re Alive

If you’re scared you know you’re doing something right. If you’re scared it means you’re human.

Far too many of us, myself often included, sit back and watch life pass us by. Sure we may have the comfort of “security” but we aren’t doing anything worth while.

Obviously, not all fears are created equal. There are some situations where fear is not good and unhealthy, however many times we get worked up over fears that can be successfully over come.

Fear is universal, yet it is those who see fear use it as fuel that create the life that they desire.

I happen to think that being scared is a good thing, as long as you don’t allow it to stop you in your tracks. Question now is: do you?

I’ve found by asking  yourself a few questions when deciding how you spend your time, you can increase your productivity and overall happiness substantially. Asking questions not only helps you get more done but also allows you to do work that matters rather than just going through the motions. The following are 5 questions to ask yourself when reflecting on your current life path.

What If I Didn’t Do This?

When you’re contemplating starting a new habit or life direction start with the question: What would happen if I didn’t do it?

If you didn’t start a new business would you remain miserable, hating your current career?

If you didn’t exercise would your health continue to suffer?

If you didn’t check email would your business implode?

If you didn’t follow your passion would you be cheating the world out of something great?

If you didn’t spend time with your family would your bonds continue to grow?

If by inaction the world doesn’t become worse off chances are your time could be better spent. On the contrary if you’re inaction fails to better the world and those around you, you may want to take the leap and do what you can to make tomorrow an improved yesterday.

Asking yourself if what you choose to do will matter is an important step in setting proper priorities in your life.

Will This Benefit A Year Down The Road?

The fact of the matter is, many of those who claim to be “busy” are busy doing non important stuff. While there are obviously some daily chores you have to take care of, it’s important to maximize your time with actions that will benefit  the future.

Will what you’re doing just have a short term affect? Or will it have a lasting impact a year from now? If you focus on where your actions will take you in the future you’re more likely to choose the ones that will pay off down the road.

Don’t waste your time with activities  that will only please you for today or tomorrow. Instead spend your time working for a better future and progression in your goals.

While writing this blog post I had numerous urges to check Twitter and Facebook but I knew that writing this article would prove to be more beneficial in the long run. Don’t settle for the short run, remind yourself that your actions now affects the world for years to come.

In every endeavor you choose to take on, make sure you’re not only thinking about now but keeping the future in mind as well.

What Are My Motivations?

It’s not my place to judge why you do or don’t do something but you at least owe it to yourself to know why you’re going down a particular path. Are your actions geared to benefit you? Or are you doing it for the good of others? Perhaps you’re you’re doing both.

Are you trying to make money with you current goals? Are you hoping to improve your brand among your peers? Or an different reason entirely?

Becoming aware of why you’re doing some of the things you do can pay significant dividends in discovering what does or doesn’t inspire you. Inspiration to you is like the what the sun is to the earth. Life can only exist in a climate rich with inspiration.

Make sure that your current path is being walked not because your friends or family want you to, but because that’s the path you know you need to walk. Don’t lie to yourself about your motivations. Be open to the reasons you act the way you do. It’s quite easy to tell if you’re hearts in what you’re doing or if you’re simply putting on a show.

What are your motivations? Are you being honest with yourself?

Does It Matter?

A simple yet powerful question people often forget to ask. Does it matter? At the end of the day everything you do should be of some worth to you or someone else.

For an entire day get in the habit of asking yourself “does it matter?” when you’re contemplating on what steps to take next.

Does spending time with your kids matter? Does writing a blog post that could benefit hundreds of people matter? Does checking Facebook? Email? Or Twitter matter? That’s up for you to decide.

Does it matter? If not don’t waste your time.

Is This Consistent With Who I Want To Be?

When walking down an new and exciting path it’s often useful to check in with yourself. Would the person you want to be do this? Would they they be walking down this road?

While I sincerely believe the majority of people have good intentions we all get lost every now and again. This doesn’t make you a bad person but that doesn’t excuse you from checking in with the person upstairs.

There have been times in my life where I knew what I was doing was wrong yet I continued to do them anyways. It wasn’t long before I knew I had strayed from the person I wanted to be and quickly recovered.

If what you’re doing doesn’t resonate with your values and beliefs it’s entirely up to you to realign so that they fit the bill of who you want to be. This isn’t always easy of course, but in the end you know whether you’re where you want to be.

Don’t waste another day going through the motions. Take a moment to figure out the life you really want to live.

What are your priorities? Are are your actions consistent with what you really want? Or are you spinning your wheels pretending you’re someone you’re not? If so a conversation with yourself may do the trick.

In a world of endless opportunity it’s easy to get caught up in all the goals we want to reach and tasks we want to complete. Here at PluginID I’ve talked about the importance of wanting it, and assuming you want it, the rest lies in a simple question: Are you serious?

Getting Serious

If you really want to make your goals a reality you must become serious about your endeavor. It’s one thing to say you want a certain outcome, it’s another to actually make it happen. Getting serious requires for you to step up your game. It means showing up even when it rains. The question is can you rise when you fall?

Getting serious can be frightening  because it means rising to the occasion day in and day out. That’s why it’s important to be picky when you decide what project or goals to take on. Your heart has to be in it to the end or you’re likely to fail.

If you’re serious about taking your blog to the next level for example, that means the days of inconsistency are over, that means those days of writing a half ass post are gone. You’re gonna have to be at your best.

If you want to lose weight you can’t keep eating the foods that will keep you heavy. Obviously there are other variables involved when losing weight but if you exercise and eat properly it can have a significant impact on your over all well being.

If you’re serious about making your relationships better, you can’t keep putting other things first. Instead you must make communication a high priority.

Making It Happen

There’s potential and then there are results. Results aren’t everything of course, but  the sad truth is, many of us live in the world of potential. By  making a simple commitment you can make many of your dreams a reality. A half ass effort results in a half ass return.

So many people claim they want a certain outcome when in fact they continue to take the situation half-heartedly. If want something in life make the decision to get serious. You’ll thank yourself later. :)

Have you decided to get serious? Where are your results to show?

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Maybe you fear stumbling over your lines during a big presentation. Or perhaps you’re afraid of the consequences of failure. You may even be afraid of the responsibility that comes with success.

Whatever the case, I’m certain fear is holding you back in some way. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, fears something. But here is the good news: fear only exists in the mind, and with the right mindset it can be defeated time and time again.

Obviously, there are a few legitimate fears, such as the fear of snakes in my case, but most fears are created between the 6 inches between your ears.

There’s an old saying I’m sure you’ve heard, that says whatever you fear you must face; and for the past few years I’ve done that with great success.

Finding Courage

I have always wanted to share my writing with the world but for much of my life I was afraid of what may result.

What if my writing sucks? What if people judge me? What if I don’t meet my own expectations? What if I’m wasting my time?

For whatever reason, I mustered up the courage to take action, despite the monster fear looking right back at me. What I have found is fear only has power when in your mind. You have the ability to face your fears just as I do, and when you decide to face fear head on, the seemingly insurmountable beast quickly becomes weak and powerless.

Facing my fears has allowed me to share my writing with thousands of people through the medium of blogging.
Facing my fears has allowed me to guest post on dozens of highly recognized blogs.
Facing my fears has allowed me to grow more than I thought possible.

I say not all this to brag but to show that the path of fear is often the path with the heart.

I can honestly say that I was very close to never blogging at all, and now knowing that blogging has been one of the greatest things I’ve ever done; I’m thrilled to know I took the leap. Imagine if I had let my fears swallow me up whole.

What about you? What have you let stopped you from living your dream? It disheartens me to see so many people give up before they even give themselves the chances to get started. I receive people emails all the time asking how I do what I do, but the truth is I’m just an average guy who has refused to let fear beat me you can too.

The Consequences of Fear

When you’re scared you automatically begin to make excuses on why you aren’t capable of doing something. This quite frequently involves needless procrastination and lame excuses for why you can’t reach your goals.But you can’t honestly know what’s possible until you give it your all.

I know facing your fears isn’t always the easiest of tasks. I know uncertainty is scary, and I know that sometimes you will fall on your ass. But the more you fight fear the stronger you become. Sometimes fear may get the best of you, but with the right mindset victory is well within your reach.

Take  those dance lessons you’ve been nervous to take.  Start that business you’ve always wanted to run. Feel the fear and take the leap anyway?  Begin to change the world in ways you never thought possible.

It’s time.

Part of plugging in to your identity is realizing how important your relationships are specifically your family. Without a doubt, your family ( or rather the people you like to call your family) plays a extraordinary role in how your life turns out.

Today I’d like to share with you ways in which you can make the most out of your family relationships no matter where you currently stand.

Creating A Stronger Family Bond

By no means do I claim to have perfect relationships all around the board. In fact, my fair share of struggles in this area allows me to share my insights openly and honestly.

While it’s not my place to tell you “leave” your family, I do believe it is unwise to continually surround yourself with individuals who bring you down. That being said, I am convinced that by putting effort into your family, you can significantly improve the life of your relationships regardless of where you began.

Establish Boundaries

Because your family plays such an important part of your life, it is important you have boundaries in place. Blood is not an excuse for emotional or physical abuse.

The truth of the matter is you and your family ( whether that be by blood or level of connection) won’t always see eye to eye. Therefore it’s crucial you set boundaries on what is and isn’t allowed.

For example if you love drawing art but your family constantly puts your creativity down it’s important that you make it clear that that is unacceptable. Or if want to start a business but those you love deem it risky, let them know of your true desires.

While you and your family may not always get along, it should never result in tearing people down. Establishing boundaries allows for your family to be on the same page even if they may disagree.

Create Your Own Family

Your family doesn’t need to be defined by blood. In fact, your relationships outside of your immediate family can be just as strong and rewarding. While the nature of the relationship may be a bit different the connection potential is just the same.

As you know, we can’t control who our immediate family is. Many of us are fortunate enough to grow up in a loving house hold (I surely was), but there are also those who were not so lucky. While you can’t always choose your circumstances you can always decide how to react.

Crafting a family that enables you to grow in a loving environment is perhaps one of the most important steps you can take. When you surround yourself with individuals thats support your goals and dreams instead of nit pick at them, it can accelerate your growth and enjoyment of life tremendously.

You know the people that you want part of your family, and you know the people you should shy away from.

Spend Quality Time

With a million facets vying for our attention, it’s especially important to make your family time count. When you’re in the presence of those you love do your best to really be there.

Put away your phone and turn off that never ending to do list in your head. Instead, fully appreciate those you care about. I can’t tell you how much quality time I’ve wasted with my family in the past, all because I didn’t make the effort to be fully present.

It’s amazing what can happen to your relationships when instead of being on your phone or having your mind else where, you tune into the connection possibilities at hand. Again, I struggle with this just as much as the next person, but a bit of conscious effort can go a long way.

Making the most out of the time you spend with loved ones is no doubt common sense yet many continue to delude their time by accepting interruptions and being else where in their head. Do you?

Admit That You’re Wrong

In my experience one of the greatest causes of strain in family relationships is when your ego gets the best of you. I don’t think your ‘ego’ is always bad like many believe, but it can be when you’re too stubborn to admit your shortcomings.

We make mistakes. Why not be willing to admit them? I’ve certainly been particularly hard headed at times and it only prolonged the tension in my relationships.

Your family will run much more smoothly if when a mistake is made it is accepted rather than rejected or blown off. If you make a mistake admit it. If you went overboard let that be known. Don’t pretend that your incapable of making mistakes.

I’ve found that by admitting I’ve made a mistake I’ve gained much more respect from my family then when I profess my perfection.

Express Gratitude

Think about your current family situation. Are you happy with where you’re at? Does your family bring you joy? Or are there areas of your relationships you need to work on? Regardless of your current situation, there’s an abundance to be grateful for.

Far too often we get caught up in what is “wrong” with our family and consequently project negative emotions onto those around us. Instead of focusing on why mom annoys you, or why your sibling is good for nothing, focus on that for which you’re grateful. In each family is at least a dozen nuggets of beauty.

Your family has given you ample opportunity to grow, to love, and to learn even if you aren’t able to see at the time. And while some families do lack love, you have the ability to go find it elsewhere if that is the case.

When you choose to be grateful for the situation you’re in, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. Don’t forget to love them.

How strong is your family bond? Does it build you up or tear you down? How do you make the most of your family relationships? I’d love to hear in the comments below. And don’t forget to let your love be known.