…What is out of your control.
Why, then, do we spend so much time trying to do things in an effort to change what cannot be changed by us alone? It’s an exercise in futility to try to change what cannot be changed. (Note: sometimes your brain will lie to you, and things that appear to be uncontrollable or unchangeable actually can be controlled or changed. It’s a matter of discretion and being able to see the truth of the situation).
All your mental complaining about how you’re not good enough or how your coworker Bert gets on your nerves so much doesn’t do a thing. It’s not constructive. It’s not helping your situation in any tangible way. And it creates a pattern where you get addicted to negativity because your body actually likes when you get mad, due to the increased levels of emotional arousal. If nothing else, getting outraged about things, however small, lets you know you’re still alive.
When Feeling Alive Goes Wrong
As human beings – or living organisms, really – all we are seeking out of life is to feel alive. As I said above, your negativity and your willingness to try and change things that are out of your control actually makes you feel alive – which is why you can fall into patterns of negativity so easily. It’s a tough habit to break, because without it, you won’t be able to feel that same “rush” that you get when you’re pissed off about something.
But think of how much energy you’re using in order to create that rush when you’re starting to get upset. All that energy had to come from somewhere, right? When you’re feeling normal – not particularly excited about anything – that energy is still there, waiting for you to tap into it. You just use it when you get mad because you feel justified to use it when you’re angry. How many calm angry people have you ever seen? That’s because people feel the right to channel their energy when they’re angry. For some strange reason, they think anger gives them an excuse to become emotionally excited.
The takeaway? If you’d let yourself become excited and use all that energy you have inside of you, you’d be able to experience that feeling of aliveness when you’re doing anything, as opposed to using it when you’re pissed off and trying to change things that you simply can’t control.
Imagine how much energy you waste on negativity – being offended, hurt, outraged, pissed off.
Imagine if you could use that same energy to be a more positive, creative, and upbeat person.
You can. You just have to be willing to justify using that energy for positivity instead of negativity; it’s easy to get pumped up because you’re hurt and you want to settle a score with someone, but it’s a lot harder to excited about doing something that will actually leave a positive impact.
Don’t let yourself fall into soul-sucking behavior. You only have a finite amount of energy – spend it wisely.
Wow, very nice post there. I can related to much of what you are writing!
Brett, do you have any recommendations for good books to read when it comes to controlling this energy and channeling it for good and not evil?
That would be great?
Thx!
I emailed you once a couple of weeks ago about a subscription problem and you seemed to have fixed it. But unfortunately, it happened again…I am not getting email updates yet again….if you could look into this one more time, I’d appreciate it.
Nobody can achieve anything about being negative about oneself and about others. The more positive outlook you have, the more and better you can function in life.
Thanks for the reminder, I needed to read this today. I keep telling myself to let go and surrender. I keep telling myself that I can’t control or plan everything in my life — it doesn’t work. Perhaps it will sink into my brain
You’re absolutely welcome, Rebecca
I find that meditating on things usually helps to clear your mind 
Great points!
I know from experience that if you’re feeling especially negative about a certain individual, it helps to think positive thoughts about them. I’ve tried that in the past and it’s worked.
Sometimes (as you’ve said) we get worked up so much about a person that the negativity starts hurting us. Making a decision to get rid of that does the world of good. All it takes is thinking good thoughts about that person for 5 minutes each morning before you see them at work/school etc.
Yes. In the words of Ben Franklin, “I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Thanks for the comment!
I very much appreciate your perspective. I would add to it a couple of ideas:
One is that our thoughts are not real, neither positive or negative is right, they are just collections of words we give meaning to. However being positive feels better and tends to make things work out better.
Another point is that change really begins inside and if we keep our thoughts supportive of who we are and are open to accept the full range of our emotions then we take charge of how we experience life.
Joseph Bernard, Ph.D.
http://www.explorelifeblog.com
Absolutely. I’m almost tempted to get into a “complaining about other people complaining” mode, lol.
Complaining in general is just a futile waste of energy. Get out there and do something instead!
Fred,
Yes.
That is all
Hi Brett,
thank you for this thoughtful post. I think that emotions like anger, frustration, sadness have a place in our lives. After all, it’s only human to feel insulted when your professionalism is questioned, to feel angry when your wishes are being neglected.
But instead of suppressing these emotions, or letting them running wild, we can try to work with them, explore them, use them as a beacon into ourselves that would light our insecurities and anxieties. This would eventually help us understand ourselves better, and as a result become more resilient to criticism.
I try to explore this “inside-out” approach in this blog post:
http://innovationimitation.com/2011/04/where-does-lasting-change-come-from/
Most people don’t realize there are situations that you just cannot change, but still beat themselves up for it. The easiest example on things that happened in the past. You can’t change it. You can learn from it and prevent the bad thing from happening again.
AE,
Absolutely. People dwell on the past too much, rather than living in the present and trying to make sure their mistakes don’t happen again.