The Secret to Not Caring What People Think
Glen / 
114 Comments / 
August 7th, 2008 / 
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Whether it is becoming plugged into our identity, quitting alcohol or even becoming more confident, our worry of what people think can really affect us. From the jobs we choose, to the people we date and the risks we take, we often limit our actions through fear of criticism or judgment from others.
This is a serious issue, and a problem many people experience, therefore I’ve taken my personal experience and the advice of others to reveal the secrets to not caring what people think.
Why we Care what people Think
First of all, I want to say that sometimes caring what people think is not a bad idea; the part of our mind that produces this fear is often in place to protect us. For example, if we didn’t care what anybody thought then we might go out and kill somebody or run through shopping centers completely naked. These are extreme examples but should help you understand why the mindset is in place.
I’ve spent months trying to understand why we care what people think, and as (surprisingly) usual, the answer is relatively simple and the heart of what this website is about. The reason we care what people think is because we base our identity on their judgments of us, positive or negative. Because we think that part of our identity is how people view us (funny, cool, confident, shy) then we must protect that so that our identity is not affected.
What people say about you is none of your business
- Sean Stephenson
Of course, your identity is not what people think of you, it is just…you. If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty within, then this is something you will have to deal with beforehand.
How to (partially) not Care what People Think
Personally, I don’t think it is possible to completely stop caring what people think of us, and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. We are social creatures and that is how we learn, if we are acting like an idiot and someone notices then informs us, we may realise that we could have been acting more appropriately.
I realise that this is a very important topic to a lot of people – myself included – and therefore I have gone into detail with the following information to ensure that there is enough content to answer most questions and concerns. I was surprised to find that there are nearly 4,000 people on 43things.com that wish they could stop caring what people think.
Imagine how different the world would be if we could all push to do the things we want to do, be the people we want to be and live how we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we were all plugged in…that is the aim of this business.
1. Stop Over-thinking
Although this is a website about empowering the readers, you are not the most important person in the world, at least not to others. It is probably in the majority of occasions that you think you are being judged where people don’t actually care for the thing you are worrying about. Do you judge every single person that you meet, probably not.
If you do, you might want to sort out that side of your life first as there’s no wonder you care what people think of you. The best way to test it is to push your limits a little, do something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you and see how people react. Chances are that only your “friends” might notice the change and make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.
2. Put things into perspective
To people that aren’t naturally concerned what others think about them, having an issue with it seems quite strange or even silly. The reason is that when you put ‘issues’ like this under the microscope you can see they are really not worth having. You only get ONE chance at life in the physical world and you are going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable?
Sounds silly now doesn’t it.
Apart from the fact that life really is too short to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for wearing yellow trainers, therefore you think they shouldn’t be worn and that is the last time you wear them. What if this persons opinions change, and they start wearing yellow shoes themselves; is that the only time you’ll put your trainers back on?
I used to know a boy who was bullied for growing his hair long, yet within 6 months, more than half the boys in my year (including those who insulted him) grew theirs as well. People change their minds, so what they judge you on now might not matter in the future. Are you going to wait until something is deemed cool or acceptable to be the person you want to be? Hopefully questions like this help you put things into perspective.
3. Be confident in your actions
Seeing as it’s likely we’ll always have some thought towards the feelings of others, what if we could really eliminate the amount of times it happens? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.
Have you never seen someone that might be wearing something out of the ordinary or acting different to the surrounding crowd but things just seem normal and they aren’t being judged?
If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable in your choice then people are going to target you because they can see that and they probably want to feel good about themselves. However, if you can wear the shoes with pride and confidence, whilst clearly not caring what other people think then you’ll notice the negative reactions to be very small if any.
4. Learn to control your emotions
When you start to try things like pushing your limits or simply being more confident, you will undoubtedly have mixed emotions in your head. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a mind roller coaster; that is where controlling your emotions comes in.
The simple practice I learned from Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:
- Be conscious of an emotion inside you i.e. fear or worry
- Observe it within your mind
- Notice that if you are observing it, it can’t be a part of you
- Watch the emotion disappear
As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself from it and thus it can no longer exist.
5. Accept yourself for who you are
If you are constantly judging yourself then there will be no doubt to the fact that you’ll judge what other people think of you. The main cause for this is often self-limiting beliefs or society has made you think there is something wrong with you. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do but there are things that help.
First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if there is a possibility to change them. For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways in which you can gain weight and bulk up. However, If you wish you were taller, it’s not exactly something you can change. For this, look at what could be worse, for example if you are 5″ 7′ and really don’t like that, just think that at least you are not 8″ 7′ or even 5″. You might not be at your perfectly desired height but there are people “worse off”.
These things are more of a temporary solution, as if you constantly look towards helping yourself by seeing people who are worse off or looking to change yourself, you can never accept you. As time goes by and you realise how unimportant the things you thought were actually are, things get easier and your level of caring plummets rapidly.
Now What?
The best way to deal with this is to allow this article to change your mindset and look for other areas of your life to focus on rather than caring so much about the opinions of others. Most importantly, don’t forget the points made here and the examples accompanying them. My main message of inspiration is that life is too short to spend time worrying over things you can’t control, and issues that other people actually have.
I want to leave you with a video I highly recommend you watch, and one I promise you’ll find both inspirational and motivational:
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
I believe people are free to think whatever they want about me or anything else in the world. Just because they are thinking so, it doesn’t become true.
It’s great that you have that belief Avani, you are right though…peoples opinions of you are not who you are
You got it!
Yes life is too short.
I loved this article so much, thank you!
I’m really glad you liked it ML, thanks for the comment!
This is such a good article. Thank you for taking the time to write this. The tone is so patient and reasonable that I can’t help but take it to heart.
Also ties in very well on the article about quitting alcohol and the associated social pressures.
Cheers!
Excellent comment Sarah, thanks a lot for your kind words, it means a lot to me!
Hi Glen,
Great article – I think I relate to “over thinking” and being judgmental when I meet new people, so in turn find I care what new people think of me! Something for me to work on and I think pushing your boundaries is key for lots of things.
I’ve found this blog through ViperChill which I have followed for a while and probably find I can relate to just as much you write here and probably more! I am pleased to see you have found success with this site in a short space or time. Quite inspiring and lots of insightful entries… Lots I can take into a new project I am staring on!
Cheers
Joe
Thank you so much for this article! I am a constant worry- freak that people dislike me. Just this past weeks I’ve been worrying about 2 co- workers who dislike me because of something I had to explain to them in the past. They did not like it apparently. They have been talking about me behind my back i just found out. Reading this article made me realize I shouldn’t worry about them anymore. You’re right. There are other worthwhile things in this world to focus my mind on.
I am starting a process of self- healing because for years I have constantly blamed myself for doing this, saying this, over things that I think I shouldn’t but I just couldn’t stop worrying over and made me think about at the end of the day over and over and over, berating myself. I know I am an intelligent woman, I have a career as a company trainer but it just makes me sad that this one simple issue i can’t get over.
I know it’s a hard process but I pray I will overcome it. Again, thank you for this.
Well stated. Stumbled.
I am a designer in the making who is gaining fame but needs a part time job to fund my efforts as a designer so i can launch my collections to the world.
My biggest fear is working in a super market in my area because i fear that people i know will see me and think i am a failure. i have a complex about this because, despite finishing university, i was always bullied at school for being ignorant and a loser and ugly etc.too many people beat me down as a kid because i was treated as underneath them. now many of them are doctors, accountant, lawyers etc… and i’m a budding designer but i could not be seen dead in a normal job in case one of them sees me….its so hard. i feel so afraid that people will think “oh i saw that person who we went to school with and didn’t get anywhere because she is working in a supermarket”. i would HATE to have my ex-teachers see me working in a super market or something public. they were the worst, they always loved to see me fail and often said i would amount to nothing.they laughed at me for asking intelligent questions that were beyond them (of course i discovered that later, that they felt inferior to kids who were smart enough to question them).
I am trying really hard but its a horrible painful complex that i have about my personal image.
To someone insecure, what you’re feeling is very normal. I also feel that. I hope this article helps you overcome it just as I am overcoming my insecurities. Sucks that we were created to have such flaws that make such big big impact on our lives when the truth of the mater is, nothing really matters in this world when you die except for the good things you did for others.
Hang in there. I know it’s a tough process to get over and everytime I feel that insecurity creeping up on me, I just remember these words: “What other people think of me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!” I also keep in mind that soon I will leave this world so I should not waste it spending time on thinking about others think of me.
thank you very much. i feel better already. thanks so much for hearing me out, wishing you all happiness, health, success and confidence!
its true, its the good we have done for others thats important.
best wishes xxxx
@someone insecure – great to here, I’m sure everything will work out. And please feel free to stop by the in the future
@barbara – thanks a lot for your contribution!
Yes well writen
First of all, focus on the negative strongly, picture the worst case scenario of someone walking in while you are working in a supermarket.
Close your eyes (after reading the questions of course)
1. Ask yourself “Could I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
2. Ask yourself “Would I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
3. Ask “When?”
See how you feel about it afterwards, repeat until necessary
thank you very much. i feel better already. thanks so much for hearing me out, wishing you all happiness, health, success and confidence!
its true, its the good we have done for others thats important.
best wishes xxxx
Hey Someone, excellent news, I’m really glad that this article helped you out!
Excellent post Glen!!! Very inspiring..Thank you!!
Thumbs up on stumbleupon
I have one life only and if I start to live it according to how poeple view that then I am going to completely get nuts. One life I want to live my way on my conditions. Nothing more nothing less.
Thank you so much for this, I have been dying of anxiety and un un-necessary stress when one of my secrets came out in the open. I was even thinking of death, the humiliation was unbearable. Now I realize how silly it is to associate YOURSELF with the illusion of the person that others see. Live to live, not to be praised/ honored/admired/respected….Live to breath,love, and enjoy life! Life is way too short.
Thank you again
I’m so glad you got all this sorted, and glad that you can see it all really is just an illusion.
Thanks a lot for coming back and leaving a comment!
Cs99: I loved your last sentence. Oftentimes I forget that you live to love and enjoy life.
Glen: There are times that I slip and feel anxious again especially when there is fierce competition at work. I go back to this article and read it again and it makes me feel better. I can’t thank you enough over and over. If you have other articles on how to ignore too much competition at work, it would really make my day, nay my entire year! Because I know whatever is in that article will certainly help me.
Sometimes the problem is that you are TRYING to ignore it, and because it is still there that just makes it worse. Try and accept it, and just let it be. It will be difficult at first and you’ll feel ‘strange’ for not reacting. Notice that strangeness and just let it be.
I am a designer and work around many others who are fiercely competitive. The egos are huge! We all get pressured by the stress of our company’s demands and i often get anxious about my performance. What I am doing to help myself to overcome this and not to cut my creative performance short- is to remind myself of all the successes I have had with the company in terms of what I’ve produced for them which has been successful. Kind of reminds me of my strengths,-and i can look past the nonsense, and focus on going forward with more, and new successes!
God bless…I know I’m still a work in progress!
I’ll try to do that. Thanks Glen!
You definitely open up my mind with this article. Friends and family mocking me as a Fashion Designer. It simply because I am a Guy. In their eyes, fashion is a female gender career. They would say you will never make it in Singapore. I gave up my passion in the past and it left me with depression.
I am putting 200 percent to follow my passion this time. No more turning back by people comments.
Good list, I agree with most of those things. The sooner you can stop caring, the sooner these worries can be a thing of the past. I too have written a similar article http://personalwebguide.com/what-others-think because I used to be in the same boat that many people here may be in. Now I don’t even stress it, and I find things like public speaking, which make a lot of people very nervous, is something that I actually ENJOY!
idk what i should i wanna sing in front of people but i get very shy and scared when im in front of people what should i do cause i can sing good and im even scared 2 sing in front of my parents i know some people talk about me but im 2 shy
Hey man your post is wonderfull honestly i follwed what your trainer said and man i feel way better!!!
love you for posting this
thx bye
Very nice article. This subject has been on my mind a lot lately, because I do my best not to care what people think, yet I end up wanting to scream at myself for the major insecurity around my peers (I wasn’t like this a year ago — I don’t know what happened!). The most recent was when I was at a Dr.’s office, and already starting to get bored, so I wanted to take my book out and read. The only thing was that there were three people in the room who were around my age, and my book is huge, so I was terrified of what they would think, and just sat there for an hour, bored out of my mind. I hate it.
But whenever I start to get confident about myself, people label me as arrogant or b*****, or even egotistical.
Hopefully, this article will help change my views around so that I can live happier. Thanks so much!
When you worry about what other people think it stresses you and makes you less confident. We can’t let people mold us into the person that they think we should be.
Hi Glen,
Thanks for your article. It’s a great help and it also helps me to know that this is such a common problem (I’m not the only one). I’ve been working on this issue, but my father is very sick and I’m very anxious about it. Strangely, I realize that the intense anxiety is heightening my fear of what people think of me again. My anxiety is about his health, but I’m also obsessively thinking about what people will think (am I not visiting him enough in the hospital? what if they don’t know how much I care?). It just seems like general anxiety is kicking up this particular issue and it seems irrational.
Vanessa
thank you so much this really helped and right now i feel really better about going into school tommorrow
After I started going out to the bars every weekend, I quickly learned that people are more worried about what other’s are thinking of them than worried about what you look like.
If you have ever tripped in public or dropped weight off a barbell at the gym, it can be embarrassing…but when you laugh it off and don’t feel “judged” no one will judge you or laugh at you.
I’ve learned to walk through the world with ease. The world is a “light” place for me
Great post Glen
Just wanted to say this is an awesome post, thanks a LOT, it really helped me figure some stuff out.
Thank you, this proved to be very..changing
I like that word…Changing. This article changed me too.
I have just read this after being subjected to ‘judgement’ at school. I found almost all of what you have mentioned in this article relates to me immensely and am glad that i am not alone in this (which wallowing in self pity does tend to lead you to do). I am going to try to go out into the world and use it to change me and my mindset. It is already having an effect, especially the ‘observing’technique and the video.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for this article. The fear or worry caused by what people think of me is probably my last major obstacle. It has only held me back. I feel like if I get rid of it, I’ll be free.
For a school project, I have to interview someone in a career I’m interested in. I’d like to interview you. It isn’t much, less than 10 questions over email.
Thank you,
Jason
I must say, this article is well written. Your points are stupendously valid.
Hi Glen, it’s amazing that I’m reading this motivational + mind changing article of yours almost 2years after you wrote it! But believe me it still speaks life there-after (confirming how powerful words could be).
I just wanna say a big THANK YOU!
And my 2Cents words for the world(since everyone uses the internet)
The best way to overcome pains of ur life is to search for a Successful person who has a similar pain which you have… That would make you know that the pain which you have is not a barrier to ur success in life… And Remember that Success is the Sole Aim of Life!… And if at all you can’t find a ever-successful person having a pain same as urs, then its even better, it gives you a chance to be a Hero by striving to break bounds by being Successful… By this you become a pace-setter.
Peace,
By LekanA
21-05-10
I suggest you listen to my Song titled “EVERYONE NEED SOME LOVE”
At http://www.myspace.com/lekanamusics
Peace again.
I think the reason we care what people think is because we all have a need to be accepted by others, to be “liked”. What it comes down to is a fear of being rejected by others so, we tend to say or do things things that make others happy at our own expense.
I have to relate to something that happened to me too.
Almost all my friends asked me to straighten or do something about my hair (my hair is natural-half curled beneath but looks like done-in curls lol pure natural, however its kinda messy at the ends because I don’t maintain them/don’t know how to)
One guy said,” Its getting boring looking at your same look” The other said “Its messy straighten it” “Let me pay for it during your birthday” — and it went on even till today.
But I stood my ground because I told myself I like it and I have no intention of destroying my years of growing it just because the whole world wants to see me with straight hair.
Some people do love my curls and tried going for curls themselves but couldn’t really get the results they wanted and in the end when maintaining them was such a hassle they went back to straight (talk about waste of money)
thank you for your inspirational articles. most esp. to this one “The Secret to Not Caring What People Think” IT REALLY HELPS ME A LOT to build up my personality and get peace of mind and live life happily. more power & God Bless!
I loved this. it was absolutely beautiful and I’ll read this whenever I need a boost. :]
Excellent article, I used the function on my macbook where the computer reads for you & everything was very well put, interesting points.I’m going to print this article out & try to use it in my own journey. I’m 19 years old & just barley realized there is really noting wrong with me however there are several toxic people in my life that I attracted, time to break free…
Hi everyone,
I have a co-worker who just doesnt like me and never has. I have never done anything to her and ive even tried to be nice to her but i think she’s just too good to talk to me. She’s talks to pretty much everyone else and it just hurts. Ive even seen her giving me dirty looks. I really believe this person hates me. It hurts me so much because i just don’t understand why. I don’t work with her that much but when i do i have anxiety when she’s around and if i have to open with her which is rarely i will switch my shift. I don’t understand why i care what this nothing of a person thinks of me. Shes a complete waste of time and energy to be caring but i do and im so hurt by it. Does anyone have any advice you can give me? Im really bothered by this persons dislike of me.I wish i just didnt care and ignored her. Sharon
Hi Sharon, I also have the same situation.But I have learned several times already that it’s just me who is thinking that. As long as you know she is not doing anything wrong to you, you should be okay. Sometimes our mind plays tricks on us. This may not be acceptable to you yet, but it’s actually true.
Many times I have felt some people dislike me and it turns out it’s not true. To this day, I still feel it, I still think there are some co-workers who dislike me and I am so bothered by it, but I just try to keep it at the back of my mind. It’s hard, but it’s what I have to do to stop myself from hurting.
Oh, one more thing, try not to dislike that person. Try to like her. I mean it, it will work.
I’m having a problem at school where these random people are annoying me and making fun of me e.g calling me names, poking me in the back when i’m not looking. Its really annoying and i told my parents but i don’t want them to call the school. i keep thinking that “I’ve got my own friends who are always nice to me and at least i have them.” Thats all everyone needs. You just need some people to believe in you. Life’s too short to worry what people think of you. Even if i didn’t have friends I would still be smiling and happy, cause I believe someday I’m going to be doing something with my life and they’ll have nothing to fall back on because they spent to much time in high school thinking up witty remarks, when they could have been studying for tests and getting good grades. So to all who are in the same situation. I’d really look at this site and never give up on yourself.
11/11/10
This is such a great article, Glen! Thank you so much for posting this. Many times, I have googled “how to stop caring what others think,” etc. but they all say the same thing like “who cares what other people think” or “stop thinking about it.” If it was that easy, I would’ve done it a long time ago and there won’t be any need for anyone to search for information to help themselves. I was starting to feel hopeless until I stumbled upon your blog. For some reason, I feel that God led me to read your post. It was very well put. I can sense your sincere willingness to share and help other people. And yes, thank you for being honest about not being able to “completely” not care. No matter what, we will always care. But your suggestions are very reasonable and realistic. I actually bookmarked your page so that I can always go back to it when I start feeling anxious. Thank you again and God Bless You!!!
this article spoke a lot to me, it showed me how insignificant and uniportant those people who talk down at you or about you. The world is a much bigger place than your little enemy at wrork or school. Life is a big test, one you can’t make up. I’d like to end on a positive and uplifting note, There is only one person who is in control of your life, and who determines the level of happiness in your life; and thats you.
I believe I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I guess working on this issue with stuff on this website may help resolve some of my internal conflict.
I completely give people the power to define me with their uneducated opinions of me and I’m sick of it. Heck, some of it may just be in my head…
I like the “could I let go, would I let go, when” question. Good stuff. Thanks!
great post, i have to admit i am one of those people who really afraid of what people might think about me.. i think this is because i have a low self-esteem since high school.. but i realized when i enter a job world, i have to change.. because i will stuck in my place forever and people will take advantage of me.. for example, before this i had always wearing a scarf to cover my hair, but really i do it just for the sake to be accepted by the society… and i m not comfortable with that, so i am glad that i have stumble into this post, because u have given me a courage to be myself.. it has been 2 days since i have taken out the scarf, and yes i know and i heard people had talking behind my back… but i will stick to myself and not to care what other people thinks because right now i am happy and confident with myself… thanks a lot!
This is excellent. It is exactly what I needed to read at this point in my life. Thank you.
This Is an incredible article and so is the video. I am truly inspired, thank you for that.
Hi Glenn, first and foremost, this is a great article!
I just have one question, how to I respond to people who openly criticize me; to my face? Do I just ignore them, do I say something like “I have one chance at living, you will not chose how I do that”, or something else? If I ignore, they seem to just continue to try to confront me with their judgments. I can learn to ignore judgments, but how do I deal them when they are being spoken aloud to me? Thanks so much for this article, it is helping so many.
I still can’t help but worry about what people think of me. I am not thinking every single second what people think of me, but when something strange does happen I am worrying constantly. It’s like I need to be in control of everything and when I don’t know why some one is behaving the way they do..I am the type of person who wants to know why. I drive myself crazy and am thinking is it something I did.
It’s been very hard on me because I am always worrying about what people think of me. I really hate that and I wish I could be more carefree.
3 days ago I hung out with a new friend I met at school and we hung out since I am new in this town. We went out and got some drinks and I checked on her how she is doing the next day, but she hasn’t returned my call or text. I am beginning to think that maybe something I did or said that is stopping her from contacting me. My boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry, but I want to meet new people here. Please help. I am even reading article but it is not helping. What should I do? I will see her in class and it is just going to be awkward and uncomfortable. At this point I am even thinking of removing her from face book. Please give me some advice what to do. I am going crazy here. Thank you!
Wow..I am really happy that works. So, how do you do it?
i literally cried while watching the video. i have no clue why, but i did. it just really broke me down, and got tears out of me. i really just learned somthing. Thank you so much.
The reason why we care what people think is because we evolved to live in societies. If society disapproves of us, we feel bad. This motivates us to be accepted so that we fit in and survive. These instincts are almost totally redundant today. Society protects even the most unusual and often praises them. This article doesn’t really explain why we feel what we feel. The most important thing to realize is that life is a big game. We ALL feel scared, insecure and vulnerable. It’s the people who know this that will be happiest and successful. The rest will suffer quietly wounding why they are suffering. Usually they are the ones who seem to have it all.
Hi there,
This is all very interesting but I do have a comment… I think the root of the problem is in what you say in the very first paragraph:
“For example, if we didn’t care what anybody thought then we might go out and kill somebody..”
I know you were giving an extreme example but still so…if what other people would think about us is what stops us from killing someone, then we are completely screwed up:-) We don’t kill people just because nothing give us the right to decide on anybody’s life, at least it should be as simple as that. And we shouldn’t care about what other people say or think about us because it’s our lives and we have the right to do whatever we want, as long as we don’t harm or cause hurt/pain/trouble to others. As Oscar Wilde said, “Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live”.
cheers
Beautiful. Thanks.
i belive everyone has insacure moments and that if you just dont focuss on them and move on…thonk positive and look at the bright side it is easy to overcome. But insacurity happens to the best of us!
Hey, great motivating article
I think that the article is heavily focused on the cognitive issue of approval seeking.
Many times people have childhood experiences that mold them to have a hard time being themselves. There are a variety of reasons and they’re all nicely covered in the book “no more mr. nice guy”.
I believe that along with a logical understanding that there’s no use for approval seeking, there should be a behavioral component that helps break innate subconscious beliefs & habits, such as continually extending the circle of comfort by engaging in courageous behavior or finding a role model.
As well, there are a variety of Hypnosis, NLP & CBT techniques to help attack that issue.
And of course, consistency and continual motivation using quotes and articles such as this one will tremendously add on to the desired effect.
Thank you for the read,
Constantin
A great article and i thank Glen for taking the time to write and produce this. It is a lot better then other write-ups on this subject.
I find that most people do care what other people think, and those who say they dont are lying (there are exceptions though. This includes me but have gotten better over the years.
Just think of all the times you or someone else you know have gotten into a heated argument. This is evidence of the people in the argument caring what the other thinks, either by them not agreeing with them or from something they’ve done. If they truly didnt mind what the other person thought, they could communicate their ideas without letting their emotions control them. There is a massive difference between a disagreement and an argument.
The thing that i do when someone openly insults me is, kind of join in, but in a playful sarcastic way. This demonstrates that you really dont care what someone thinks, because youare so comfrtable with yourself that you can take the mick out of yourself because you no its not true, so you can joke about it. People that insult other people are looking for a reaction to fuel their ego. And when they realise your not playing their little game, they arnt getting their little ‘ego hit’ and will leave you alone. Trust me, its no fun taking the mick out of someone who REALLY doesnt care what the other person thinks or says.
Just to say again the article was great and really well written, and the person that wrote it will be helping a lot of people. But i personally didnt find the video as inspirational as i was expecting. Might just me though cause i have seen and read a lot of material which i find inspirational over the years.
A video i find inspirational is called ‘sunscreen’ by baz lurhman
A poem called ‘IF’ by R.Kipling and a poem called invictus…i dont know the author.
good job! i love your article and i love how you care for people enough to help them so easily.
Thanks for posting this. I haven’t seen the video yet but I’m glad to have stumbled upon your article and read it. Very interesting and helpful. It reminded me of an Oscar Wilde quote, and Robert Frost’s poem. This (unexpected twist of fate) made me re-examine my weaknesses. I thought I was quite adept in dealing with people, and life. One can never be that confident either.
I was challenged by a particular situation recently, which I’d rate as something outside the range of a “normal” human social experience. And I took the road less traveled – I simply walked away from these people/situation out of self-respect. It wasn’t easy to walk away and not defend yourself from false assumptions people make of you and your identity. And worse, your silence meant putting words in your mouth to some people, and what’s even more challenging was to ignore these people when you know you have a life’s worth of accomplishments to be proud/speak of. I thought that I’d think less of what people thought of me if I realize and begin to understand how little they actually do.
I especially liked this, “The reason we care what people think is because we base our identity on their judgments of us, positive or negative.”
I also think that we do have the natural tendency to judge ourselves by our talents, wealth, education, job, or any other function because society made us, but to learn not to care about what others think of us and to get rid of the toxic shame or guilt (if we are judged negatively), we need to realize that we do have the power to free ourselves of the standards we set to judge ourselves to begin with.
And everybody’s free to think whatever they want about you or anything else in the world but just because they are thinking so, it doesn’t have to true. The truth is relative and what people think are a matter of their opinion. Let them be.
I enjoyed this article very much !!!! I had been going through such ruff days at work and getting severely depressed because of it, and this along with prayer helped get me through it. Thanks!
I’ve learned that what really matters is whats inside.
Yes one should not prioritize what others think to an extent that would cause them to lose their own identity, but what truly matters is your inside. Because if you change from inside, then everything else will follow naturally.
And your post just made so much sense!
!
Thank you
This is a really great article that really got me thinking. But what if you’re not really sure who you are? What if you have looked up to being someone else your entire life and don’t really see a problem with that but others do. Others say its “obsessive” to look up to someone in that context. Sort of like hiding behind someone else’s idenitity because you can’t really find your true “self”?
‘peoples opinions of you are not who you are’ wow i never thought of that, its such an inspiring statment. thankyou
this article helped me feel better about myself, i am currently a highschool student who gets picked on everyday for his musical taste, i am becoming a senior and my sophmore and junior years i have been picked on heavily for being a beatle fan. yes The Beatles. i got death threats once just for liking their music. seems to be everybody picks on the beatle fan and they say horrible things about john lennon aswell. even though two people apologized for the bullying, it doesn’t change the fact about the other dozen that have done it or the people who are still doing it, it has made it difficult for me to be happy when i listen to their music since their music use to bring so much joy into my life untill i started getting picked on for my musical taste. hopefully i can begin to not care about what others say and be able to listen to the music i love so much.
@Felix: Invictus is by William Ernest Henley, amazing words often misappropriated unfortunately. Sunscreen by Baz Luhrman really is inspirational, thank you.
Great words and even greater comments over the years, we are not alone
WELL SAID MY FRIEND… I THINK YOUR AMAZING WITH HOW YOU PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE.AND I AM A FAN NOW THAT I HAVE COME ACCROSS YOUR BLOG.PLEASE KEEP POSTING GOOD ARTICLES,AND I WISH YOU A SUCCESSFUL YEAR, AND FOR YEARS TO COME.EVERYTHING WAS WELL SAID.
The best article out there on the topic!
Love it!! – Am observing my emotion, noticing it and watching it disappear……
Wow!! Thanks, guy!!
Okay, I’m a girl who REAAAALLY likes to talk, so I really MUST tell you my life story (lol not)
I recently moved from a huge private school in the city where almost everybody liked me. Not bragging, though… I worked reeeally hard and got out of my area of comfort to talk to somebody new every day for a long time, and after about 4 years I had a lot of friends. There I always had plans every weekend, and everybody loved how creative I was, and they thought it was awesome that I’m a girl who plays video games and likes sports and wants (or wanted) to be in the Marines. I wore these really loud outfits with dark eyemakeup and bows in my hair… I took a Hello Kitty doll with me almost EVERYWHER!
But I just moved to a smalltown and am going to a little private school where I have like 3 real friends. Why? Because unlike my other school, everybody dresses the same and acts the same and makes fun of anybody different. So I’m really scared of talking to anybody for fear of them not liking me.
School’s about to start up again and with the help of articles like yours (;D), my best friend here, my best friends from my old school, and my big brother who still lives in the city (he knows alot about being different…. He’s goth AND bi), I’m sloooowly getting my courage back. I’ve decided to start going by the name I went by at my old school, jay. Cos when I moved I got too nervous to just say that. I kinda squeaked out my full name, Joanna, and I was too shy to correct anybody later. And I even got some neon pink skinny jeans like the old days (but I almost didn’t until I read this)!
I’m also the only girl at school with short hair, and when I say short, I mean like GUY short. I used to not like it, but it looks good on me and I got it cut because I didn’t feel like fooling with long hair! I’ve been called really mean things and people thought I was gay for a long time (which got worse since I don’t have a bf)… But now I know that there ARE people who like me and if they don’t, whatev!!
THANK YOU so so so much for this! I really, really needed to read and see this, it just put so many things into perspective. Today I’ll dare to be more confident and bold. I have a major problem with over-analyzing/over-thinking things and putting things into context for myself. But recognizing that life is so short and there are so many other important things to care about than what other people are thinking is really, really true.
Thank you again, this really made my day
If you’re only going to be working publicly for a short period of time then I would get myself out there and do what needs to be done in order to succeed!! Let the bullies laugh at you because whenever you get to where you’ve worked hard to get to, who’s going to be the one laughing? You are my dear!! Don’t let these ilrared “people” stop you from succeeding, that’s exactly what they want. Success is the best revenge
Very enlightening article on this topic. Thank you! You mentioned guilt somewhere in the article, would be interested to hear your views on that subject.
Veryy enlightening article. Thank you! Would be interested to hear your views on guilt.
Thanks for writing this article! I loved the video too! That video gave me goose bumps and made my eyes water. I struggle with caring too much about what others think. I am learning to not care so much and its wonderful.
Let others think and act as they want to and I will think and act as I want too.
We are all entitled to our own point of view.
im 16 and i just wanna figure out who i am and to not care what people think im soo self concious of how i look and all but after reading this i really wanna try hard to be happy and stop caring what people say about me
Thanks
Hi my name is Sharon and I have posted here before but i would like to post something again hopefully seeking some advice anyone can give me. Currently I am in my late 30′s and have always struggled with fitting in and wanting to be liked by everyone. I have alot of people who like me at work and customers but i also have some co-workers who don’t like me and you can tell by body language. i don’t want it to bother me but it does. I don’t know if it goes back to my early childhood or school days but it’s always affected me. It makes me feel so bad about myself when someone doesn’t like me and i feel if they don’t then i shouldn’t like myself. I feel my worth sometimes depends on what people think and i hate that. How do i change? I want so bad to not care and say screw the people who don’t like me and move on from it. They shouldn’t have any control over how i feel about myself but they do. Im always struggling with this and i would be so happy if i just said who cares and lived my life. Can anyone who’s actually overcome this part of their life give me any advice on the steps i can take to just not care? I would appreciate any tips you can suggest. I just can’t go on like this. Im placing so much of my value on what people think of me all the time. Thank you. Sharon
Sharon, maybe the way to not care is to know that it is impossible to be liked by everyone. It is exhausting to try to change yourself to suit what you perceive each person will like. Everyone’s got their own issues and reasons for why they like what they like or not so trying to please everyone is fighting a losing battle. You may as well learn to be who you are as fully as you can. Focus on what YOU like/ your passions etc. Then you give out a more authentic vibe which people generally like/respect. And if someone doesn’t that doesnt have to be your problem at all. It takes practice not to care about that if you have done the opposite for years but it can be done. Also it seems more overwhelming if you are very sensitive to people’s energies, look up some ways to discharge negative vibes and recharge – lots of info on the net. (Also sometimes we imagine that someone doesn’t like us but there could be any number of reason they are offish which has nothing to do with us whatsoever).
Well, gosh. Usually I’m not one to comment or criticize someone’s work unless I’m asked to, but this was both funny and insulting at the same time, and, well, I just have to. While I appreciate the effort by the author, I’m also glad that I no longer have the crippling problem of basing my self-worth on superficial things like height, especially since I am the “even 5′” (gasp) she speaks of! It just seems to me like the very act of telling someone that, well, at least you’re not freakishly short! only perpetuates that very prejudice in people. If I didn’t already have a pretty decent sense of myself, this remark, regardless of everything else she wrote, would have made me want to cry. I think, before tackling another complex and volatile subject like thinking for yourself, the author should take her sensitivity temperature and write more mindfully
One thing you should remember…there are a lot of us out there…I have the same problem. I don’t think it is worth worrying about. Do your best, and find happiness….being a doctor, lawyer isn’t everything….it’s just a title. As long as you do what you know is right, that is what counts. Chances are they have likely overcome many of their vices and realized that had to change their character if they have such prestigious careers now. But in reality, if they have the nerve to say something after all you’ve been through, they don’t matter. If they haven’t changed by now, they never will, so why should you change “YOU”?
i keep looking and admiring these kinds of blogs that helps to inspire people.
i’m very insecure, shy, quiet, conservative, awkward or any other awkward-social personalities you can think of. i tried so hard and not think of what other people think or will think about me. there’s always that time when i’m trying to meet new people, the first thing that always come to my mind is i’m weird, freak-like, ugly and not cool.like i said i tried and i tried so hard to control these negative thoughts but it’s like a tempest, hurricane, avalanche that you just can’t help and control.to be honest, i rather be alone or be in the corner and talk to no one than be embarrassed about my action. yet i’m so desperate to change into something; something more reckless, innocent rebel, fearless and a nice b!tch. but i don’t know what to do or where to start.
I’m one of those people who naturally doesn’t care what others think. I actually read this to try and find out why some people worry so much about it, because it really bothers my friend. I’m always asking him, “If you don’t even like these people, why so you care what they say about you?” and he always gives me really weird looks.
I mean, if I respect the person, I’ll listen to what they have to say, and if someone tells me something about myself that should change, I’ll work on it, but I don’t see how just teasing, whether or not it’s intended to be hurtful, could bother anyone.
i really appreciate ur work………ill try to work on it……
thank you soooooo much
I love this article! I’m not sure if it’s going to change my self confidence or not, but this really made me think and want to change it.
I liked the article but not the law of attraction video. Law of attraction is something that works contrary to the sense of reality , because it teaches that if we have good thoughts , good things will appear. But this is not my vision. My vision is that if we do good things , bad things will also come, and this is the filter to promote in us the force to still keep doing good, even if not approved by the answers of what the Secret tries to introduce as Universe. I just Believe in God,not in universe. But your article is good . I t doesn´t need the video as background .
The article is good. But the video not. Law of attraction is a contradiction of the article that teaches to behavior even in bad circumstances. Good and bad will come even if we do good. It is a filter to we keep doing good things. The Book The Secret misses the point when tries to put in our heads that we need to desire a big house to gain it . Good things happen to bad people and bad happen to good people. This is to make us keep in the right way even with the opposition, because the reward is already to be good.
After speaking to my Psychologist I like to Thank my Mom and my Dad for creating this fear in me due to not knowing “how to raise kids” then I realized that 99% of population are in the same boat
I have fear of public speaking and am attending Toast Masters http://www.toastmasters.org/ meetings to fix this issue.
My Mom constantly worry’s about what other people think (she is a type of person that everyone likes). My Dad is mentally abusive and he uses extreme foul language and does not care who is around him.
On the other hand, I workout 8 times a week, do everything right, help others, have great credit, not to mention my diet is second to none, and even though I know for a fact that no one is judging me, I still have a fear of public speaking. Yet I can jump from a plane or a high rise building.
I honestly don’t get it?
Hey…I am so grateful for this article! there are some really helpful tips thank you!
..i unfortunately care a lot about what people think of me…i think it comes out of a desire to be liked and accepted… i think in ways i don’t like or accept myself and i do judge myself a lot like the article said above…I am a perfectionist and many times i might have too many expectations of myself i think. Well the thing is that i feel that i always have to prove myself, and i really want to make my teachers proud because i look up on them and so i care incredibly of what they think of me, as well as my friends.. and i often over exaggerate and feel guilty for my actions just because i think they look bad…i’m too afraid that i’m going to disappoint them and that is the worst thing that can ever happen to me, i feel like i’m going to suffer so much if this happens…i really want to change what i feel because it is horrible… everything i do i feel guilty and anxious and scared 
..
I loved what was said here. im lost but i know i can find myself somehow cose im just honest great person
Glen , it awesome, you have explained everything so nice, Actually i am facing same problem, i feel fear when talking with stranger and also fear more fear in talking with girls, i am 24 yea old but i have tried many time to overcome from my problem, but i failed every time.
After reading your article i am sure this i am will win, i have alot dreams for my family, i want to do alot of things for my family, but due to my inner fear, i fails every time.
It my request to you please suggest something more personally, so that i can changed my life, your little time can make my life heaven.
I will wait for your replay and Thanks alot for this article.
Om Sai ram
Hi monika i am also facing problem, but this article has changed my life. Monika i think ur frm india, if you want we can share our experiences.
Ragina, i am also facing the same problem, but after reading this blog i am sure i will try to overcome from my inner fear.
Ragina Do u like to share your experiences with me, actually i am looking for good friend whom i can share my problem
Thank you so much! I feel so much better about myself. I am ready to make a difference!
hi my name is scott love the video it hits home for real
back in high school life was horrible but some things don’t change
it’s time to take back my life and control of it