Trust is one of the interesting concepts that have come out in this blog recently, particularly when I wrote about keeping long-distance ties. Many of you would agree that in a relationship, building trust is a critical foundation. You need it when you want to establish a good connection with people – not just in marriage or boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, but equally important in raising children, being with friends, working with colleagues, and others. And this is true regardless of where you are – whether the other person is miles away from you or he or she’s someone that you see everyday.

I’ve learned a great deal about trust in my life. Most of them I got the hard way – through mistakes. In the first place, I think that’s how we get most of our valuable life lessons, anyway. These lessons learned and insights that I’ve gathered from my experience regarding trust are what I want to impart. These are some of the things that help me in gaining someone else’s trust and also in trusting the other person. By the way, you’ll notice that they definitely aren’t the easiest to accomplish.

I need to trust myself.

I think this is the problem for many, if not all. That when the time comes that we’re conscious about establishing good relationships, one has already experienced rejection, disappointment, deceit, and other similar unfortunate situations. So how does one move on from that point?

I’ve broken the trust of people around me countless times. Just the same, I’ve been disappointed with many people around me who’ve made me believe that I could depend on them. This has brought me often to the point of doubting myself about my decisions.

My personal choices have failed before. So what’s my guarantee that my judgment this time will be a success? Nothing. Well, actually, let me expound a bit on this. I find that there really are no guarantees, but usually my failures and successes teach me how to make smarter decisions and better choices. I try to be more sensitive to recognize situations where I can apply whatever experience has taught me. Then comes the more difficult part – I need to trust myself and do my best to make things work every time. Because if I don’t, I won’t be able to trust anyone anymore and I won’t have any person trust me.

I focus on what I have.

In one of my previous articles, I talked about gratitude. This is one of the times that a grateful attitude is very useful for me. If I focus on my blessings and not the things I want, things I can’t have, or things that I’ve lost, I find it easier to open myself up to people. If I always think of the negative things, I become more defensive than ever. Then I just have to say goodbye to any thought of a fruitful relationship.

The thing is, if I can’t open myself up to someone and just carry all the negative vibes in me, how can I expect him or her to trust me?

I have to be humble.

Humility is a word that sounds so gentle, but it’s a quality that’s one of the toughest to have. And I think that a relationship can’t have trust and can’t prosper without it.

There isn’t a relationship where either party doesn’t make mistakes. Asking forgiveness, learning to forgive, and making the effort to move on require a whole lot of humility. Trusting also means accepting myself for what I am and the other person with all his or her strengths and weaknesses. And I certainly can’t do that if I refuse to have an ounce of humility in me.

Building trust in a relationship doesn’t come in an instant. There are definitely many other things needed to establish trust between two people – so much more than what I’ve mentioned here. But we always have to start somewhere, don’t we?

What I’ve shared here are some of the things that I practice. And I say “practice” in the sense that I’m not perfect at doing them. I still falter, but that doesn’t give me any excuse not to try them again and not to believe that I can do them. They’ve made my relationships better and they’ve made me a better person. They are difficult things to do, but are definitely worth the effort.

In my last piece, I disclosed some of the things that make my relationship with my husband work. It did raise some interesting points from readers. So, I’ve thought of having more articles on relationships. In this particular item, though, I’m featuring other people’s insights.

I was discussing about long-distance relationships with some people recently and it drew a good exchange of opinions and experiences. A couple of my friends attest to the fact that keeping a good long-distance relationship is possible. They’re kind enough to share with us their thoughts on not just love relationships, but also keeping in touch with family members and friends who are living in another part of the world.

14 years of going the distance for love

Rebecca, whom I’ve known from the time she met her long-distance love who’s now her husband, has this to say about the challenges and rewards of having this type of relationship:

“We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 14 years now. Hubby is a Master Mariner who’s away for approximately 9 months a year. To make it work: we both understand our respective roles in our marriage – he’s the finance provider and I’m the home manager. We’re both aware of our moral responsibilities as life partners and parents. We’re aware of the perils of unguarded moments when we’re away from each other.”

It can happen to anyone

Michelle, on the other hand, has witnessed the success of long-distance love relationships in her family. She’s also been good at keeping close to her family and friends even when they’ve lived overseas for quite some time now. Here’s what she’s shared:

“I have two cousins whose husbands work overseas. I saw their worries during those times when communication was almost impossible and very expensive. I saw their tears when their children were ill and their husbands weren’t around. But, through it all, they survived.

I thought I’d never encounter a long-distance relationship until my cousin, who’s so close to me, studied in Japan before going to the US a few years ago. And there’s my forever friend since elementary who migrated to Canada, because her husband lives there.

And I’ve made a couple of friends online and via mobile phone because of common friends. I thought the friendship wouldn’t last long. I’ve a few friends in the US whom I never met in person, but kept in touch with me for years until now. I’ve also kept in touch with my friends in Canada every now and then through social networking.”

Is communication enough?

While communication is a very essential part of maintaining relationships with people who are on the other side of the country or the globe, there are other elements that you have to consciously bring into the scene to make it work. Rebecca shares this valuable portion from her experience:

“We keep in touch through phone calls, e-mail and Skype. And when hubby is here he spends a lot of quality time with the family. Socials are limited. Family is always (our) priority. We do not subscribe to the idea that absence makes one forget. The distance makes us cherish each other more. Love, respect and trust built around open communication are ideal for a long-distance relationship to survive.”

Michelle expounds on this with her own observation:

“Communication is just one way to help the relationship survive, but it’s not the only way and the only reason to keep it going. A friend once said that calling each other every day is not enough because there’s no emotional connection. It’s different when you see the other person eye to eye. It’s more difficult to talk heart to heart when you’re on the phone. Talking is easy, but feeling the depth of the words can be difficult.

Any relationship requires dedication, trust and honesty, among many other things. Keeping an open mind and heart can help anyone endure the distance and longing for their loved ones.

Many families and couples survive long-distance relationships, because they plan and talk about it before the other person leaves. If you happen to meet your loved one via the internet or mobile, then you should look for ways to know this person more. A background check won’t hurt especially nowadays. And if you have a friend or relative who lives in the same city or country as your distant lover, it’s better to ask for their help in getting to know the person.

But every situation is different and no one person or family can give you the best advice. But one thing’s for sure – it takes a lot of effort in keeping a long distance relationship. It’s best to keep an open communication, because this is the only way to keep in touch. Even if you are both busy or have different time zones, make sure that you have time to talk.

If it’s possible for you or your loved one to take a vacation, then do it. Save up for a yearly vacation, because you still need to connect and rekindle the relationship. It takes time, proper planning, and, of course, cooperation from both of you.”

Communication these days are much easier than a few years back. Thanks to advanced technology, you and your loved ones can contact each other anytime through voice or video calls on your PC or mobile phone. But as Rebecca and Michelle said, there’s so much more to this kind of arrangement than simple communication.

It does take a lot of effort to maintain long-distance relationships. Especially for couples who are living miles apart, I think it is quite an incredible feat to keep their relationship going well. I can’t help but think about this quote by the French memoirist Comte Roger de Bussy-Rabutin:

“Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.”

I guess if you view the distance between you and your loved one in this way, you’ll have a good chance of making it.

My husband and I recently celebrated our seven years of marriage. Seven may not be much for people who have already celebrated their silver or golden anniversaries. But I just want to share with you what has been working for us, so far. So, I’ve listed down 7 things that have kept us going in our relationship.

We find common ground with enough room to grow.

Just like many couples, my husband and I have many similarities and differences. We generally both love music, movies, traveling, food, reading, writing, and many other things in life. And it’s because of our common interests that we initially clicked. But there are some things that we don’t exactly agree on. I love citrus fruits and juices, but he doesn’t. He digs heavy metal, which can be tolerable for me as long as the volume is kept very low.

All those similarities and differences, I believe, keep us connected and, at the same time, let us keep our individualities.

We weed out the problems while early.

I guess no one has a relationship without any trouble or obstacle. Whether caused by me, by him, or by anyone else, we do our best to talk things over. We agree that while it is important to listen to each other, we also speak our minds when necessary. We think that one tragic thing that could happen in a relationship is to be in deep trouble and reason out with “Oh, I thought you wanted…” And it’s only because no one told one another how he or she really felt.

We sprinkle our lives with some spontaneity.

I’m talking about big and small spontaneous gestures of love. I’m happy to say that I’m fortunate to have someone who surprises me with small tokens. He’d suddenly come home with a bunch of flowers for me. Or he’d bring me juice, fruit or some healthy stuff, just because he noticed me tired or lacking sleep before he left for work.

On my part, I’d cook a really special dinner even if there isn’t any occasion.

We’d sometimes decide to pack our bags and leave the following morning for a day or overnight trip out of town. Even with the baby now, we still do this sort of adventure travel – only with a little more caution, though.

And we get doses of laughter, too.

I can’t live without humor in my life – and the same with him. So far, we’ve always shared a good laughter, whether it’s the movies, a YouTube video, or something our little girl has done. There were even times when we’ve seen the humor in some of the problems that we’ve gone through.

We go out to get some sun.

Especially when things get stressful at work or in our personal life, we encourage each other to sit back and appreciate the basic things in life. It’s something that we usually forget when things get rough. And we’re glad we have each other to help ourselves with that.

We prune excess growths of fairness.

What I mean by this is that in everything we do, we don’t always think about what’s fair or not. We don’t count how many things I’ve done for him up against the list of the things he’s done for me. I just do things for him, because I think he’ll be happy with it. And the same thing goes for him.

We feed our life together with faith and prayer.

When I was still single, I’ve always thought that if I’d get married I’d want a  man who shares my faith and my basic convictions in life. And I’m blessed to have him now. We’ve already shared a lot of prayers that helped see us through the tough times. And everyday we give thanks for whatever we have in life.

As I’ve implied in my intro, 7 years don’t make me and my husband experts in marriage and relationships. My husband and I still have a long way to go. But I just thought that these things are worth sharing with you. Maybe someone out there might come across this and would be inspired by a thing or two.

Any secret ingredient in your relationship that you want to share?

I’m really not into listing down New Year’s resolutions or some kind of promises to myself for the next 12 months. Maybe I did something like that a few years back. But I guess I got my resolutions confused and committed myself to a whole year of losing a lot of money and gaining a lot of weight, instead of the other way around. So I decided to forget about the whole resolution thing.

But seriously, I just want to share with you that instead of having any big resolution for 2012, I’ve decided to continue to focus on gratitude. Some years ago, I’ve taken for granted a lot of things. In the recent years, though, I’ve experienced the life-changing effects of being more thankful. So this year, I’ll continue to do that. And here are three of the reasons why.

Gratitude lets me sail home safely on a stormy day.

Being thankful sounds simple, but it does require great effort, especially on a stormy day when all I see are dark clouds over the rough sea. During tough times, I’d find myself worried, insecure, sad, angry, or a mix of all those negative feelings. Like my life’s over. Gratefulness empowers me to defy my challenges.

When bad things happen, of course, I still sob, frown, or get mad. But after that wave of first reaction settles, I try hard to focus on what I have or what remains to be good, instead of what I don’t have or what’s gone wrong. I also try my best to be thankful for what I’m able to do – my talents and abilities – especially in times of trouble. Whenever I succeed in doing this, I find it easier to solve my problems and discover better opportunities for me.

Gratitude helps me have a better relationship with other people.

Seeing the good things in a person helps me look past his or her faults. If I have any conflict with him or her, it helps resolve it. But saying “thank you” is something else. It makes the other feel appreciated, happy, important, or even loved. You never know what an expression of gratitude can bring. The elevator operator might have been depressed about going up and down the floors of the building everyday, but maybe now he or she feels much better after I thanked him with a smile.

Having a grateful heart doesn’t just make me see people in a better light. It also gives me the chance to be seen by others in a much more positive way than if I didn’t say any thanks. Perhaps, whenever I say “thank you,” I’m somehow helping people to view their lives with a brighter outlook.

Gratitude gives me more blessings.

Giving thanks also means counting my blessings. For some reason, whenever I count my blessings, more of them keep coming in. I guess it’s just the same as when you sincerely thank a person for giving something to you or doing something for you. There’s a big chance that that person will wholeheartedly do you a favor again in the future.

So, how do I practice gratitude?

My conscious efforts in practicing gratitude are very simple things. In fact, I didn’t need to wait for the New Year to do these. They’re things that anyone can start doing at any time of the year.

I give thanks for 3 different things in my morning and bedtime prayers. They can be the simplest things but should be specific and not something general like health, love, etc. For instance, I say thanks for being able to take a nap this afternoon – something that’s a luxury for me these days.

I say “thank you” every day to 3 different people, excluding my husband and my daughter. For me, it’s such an effort, because I work from home and I seldom go out of the house. So, that means I need to phone or send an SMS or e-mail to do this.

The hardest part is trying to be grateful even for the not-so-favorable things that come my way. It’s definitely one of my weaknesses, but I still make the effort. Just to give an example: Lately, I felt that there were things that turned unfair for me. So I complained. A lot, actually. But after some time, I just thought maybe it’s a way to make me stronger, more creative, and a better person overall. So far, it seems like it’s going towards that direction.

Being more thankful everyday is a simple act that’s having a powerful impact in my life. And I’m continuing to do this not just for 2012 but for the years to come, because it has improved my life and the way I see things. And it also comes with the hope that being grateful will also have positive effects on everyone around me.

It’s the first week of 2012 and I find myself looking back at the year that just ended.

It was a rollercoaster ride. An almost unbelievable string of ups and downs. But it was the year I got some projects and started writing again seriously. Since then I’ve been writing almost everyday.

Towards the end of 2011, I’ve been thinking about what’s been making me write all these years. Because looking forward to a new year and beyond, that’s what I want to do – write.

Appreciation means a lot to me, but…

… it can only take me to a certain point.

I admit I’m encouraged to write more when I come across people appreciating my work. Who wouldn’t be? I think I still have to come across someone who’s not motivated to go on with his work when he’s been properly acknowledged for what he’s done. But while others’ appreciation of my work boost my writing, it can only push me to a particular level.

I’m not saying that I don’t value other people’s appreciation. It does mean a lot to me. It helps keep me going. In fact, one of the things that made me think about writing more and honing the skill is a positive remark from one of my teachers in college about a short paper I’d done. But I can’t dwell on that alone. I have to move on and write new stuff.

I’ve been reminded many times through experience that I shouldn’t treat others’ appreciation or the lack of it as the center of my world. Because if I do, what would happen if my hard work’s taken for granted or someone puts me down? Because these things happen. They’ve happened to me countless times. Should I stop writing? Of course, not. That’s why I’m still at it.

It’s something deep inside me.

The very core of what makes me write is something deep within me. All the ideas, knowledge, experience, inspiration, and everything I need to start writing are all there. I don’t know what to call them collectively, but I know they’re there.

Sometimes they just float in the air during those rare times when writing comes so easily. I have to dig deep often to make even just an ounce of them come out for just a moment. How to make them come out is the challenge.

I read.

Reading triggers my writing without fail. I believe that anything that can be read can make that spark to write something – from the dumbest to the most brilliant. Newspapers, books (even my little girl’s books), writings on the wall, and anything I can read can be a start of an idea, inspiration, and imagination.

Reading, for me, is traveling. When I read something, it’s like being transported into another culture, an alien profession, or someone else’s mind. I may have a different interpretation of it, but that’s how physical traveling is, too. You get bits and pieces of what your senses feed you and that’s what you bring with you from your trip.

I remember my mom telling me that, since I was a toddler, I’ve always loved turning the pages of books and magazines, even if I never understood any of them. Guess what? 35 years after, I haven’t changed.

Last but not the least, I write.

Not too long ago, I’d slack off on some projects and never even get to face a blank sheet of paper. As I got older, I realized the wisdom of just writing down anything – even if it’s just a word. When nothing’s coming to mind, I set aside my laptop, get myself a real notebook, and scribble with a pen. Sometimes, that’s when great ideas start pouring in.

Even this piece started out with words, phrases, and whole paragraphs like pieces of a Picasso jigsaw puzzle. Maybe in all these ramblings that’s called a blog post, someone would pick up a thing or two and be inspired, or amused. Who knows? Maybe one of my friends would be.

I’m running this article, not because I know a lot of things about writing. I’m so far from being someone like that. I’m doing this, because I recently revived my passion in writing. And I’m doing my best not to let the fire die down again. I’m sharing these thoughts, especially to those who love to write.

As we enter a new year, here’s what I’m telling myself: I drink in other people’s appreciation and enjoy it whenever it’s poured into my glass. I don’t dare ask for it and never think of buying it. I promise myself never to get drunk with it – not even for a second. Then I wake up in the morning without any hangover, no excuse for not writing new stuff. It’s up to me to find out how I’ll bring back to the surface all the ideas and inspiration. Even when every idea in my head seems to be wrong, even when everything seems to go wrong, just write.

Postscript

I just couldn’t let this article go without acknowledging my husband with whom I share the love for good reading, writing, music, food, and traveling. He’s also introduced me to the genius of acclaimed novelist Stephen King, especially his book On Writing. It’s a piece of literature that’s teeming with ideas for people who love to write. In that book, he said “Write what you like, then imbue it with life and make it unique by blending in your own personal knowledge of life, friendship, relationships, sex, and work.”

“To know is nothing at all. To imagine is everything.” – Anatole France, French poet and Nobel Prize recipient for Literature

Each of us is born with a bottomless well of creativity. If you doubt this, observe how toddlers are “seriously at work” during their playtime. You’ll learn a lot about curiosity, imagination and originality from them. You’ll be impressed at how and where they get their ideas. I’m pretty sure of this, because this is what I’ve realized in the past months.

I’ve done marketing and communications work for more than 15 years. Reading materials, conversations, and training programs on creativity have been a big part of my everyday life in all those years. But it’s only in the recent months that I’ve had practical lessons from the most inspiring guru that I’ve ever encountered – my own little girl, Sachiko.

Like any 18-month-old, she’s discovering more of her skills and more of the world around her. Amazingly and amusingly, so am I. Among the things that I’ve uncovered for myself while observing my baby are ideas on encouraging my own creative thinking everyday. And I’m sharing with you some of them here.

Fear not.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, I believe that we’re all born with boundless creativity. But as we grow older, fears and doubts set in, limiting our imagination and the potentials that we’re supposed to have.

About a couple of months ago, whenever my husband was teaching Sachiko how to go down from the bed, my heart was always pounding. I was always scared that she’d fall and slam her head on the floor. But if I had let my fear overpower the three of us at that time, she wouldn’t be enjoying doing it today. Perhaps, I’d still need to carry her off the bed just for her to get on the floor and start walking.

If I had let fear consume me, I wouldn’t have discovered my love for writing, too. I wouldn’t even have written this article and let it be published.

Nothing’s impossible.

I was with my husband and Sachiko in a restaurant about a week ago. As always, my little girl was just too curious about the cutlery and condiments on the table. So I placed all of them out of her reach. Or so I thought. Guess what she did? Since the cutlery and condiments were on a placemat, she slowly pulled the edge of the placemat so all the stuff she wanted would “come to her.”

For me, it’s a reminder that toddlers have the balance of humility and persistence that gives birth to novelties in life. She was humble enough to accept her limitation, but she also believed that there was something else she could do to get what she wanted.

I also was able to find out a new skill of mine when I was running out of options recently. My husband and I were looking for a costume for Sachiko for a Halloween trick-or-treat. We couldn’t find any ready-made costume that we like and that would fit her. So I decided that I myself will make her costume – something I’ve never done before. I researched on the Web about how to make a hooded cape, bought a meter of fabric, took a deep breath, and did my best. Halloween ended with a satisfied mom and an exhausted Little Red Riding Hood with a basketful of goodies.

Enjoy the present.

If I want to keep all the creative ideas coming in, I should also learn how to let go of the past and acknowledge what’s in front of me. I notice how quickly my little girl can forget her frustration about accidentally knocking off her building blocks. In the next minute, she’s already elated, because she’s built a tower with her stacking cups.

When I appreciate what I’m currently doing, I’m more receptive to every possibility and every concept. This is something I try to remind myself every time. I try to set aside annoying things that wouldn’t really help me progress in my work for the day – even the thought of that neighbor who woke me up this morning with his noisy car engine. It would be hard for me to write articles or even play with my baby if I let myself be bogged down with unpleasant thoughts. I remind myself that everything that slows down my journey to imagination and discovery is unnecessary baggage.

These are just a fraction of the realizations I got from my little girl. I know that there may be some (or many) of you who may have already known these things for a long time. But, just the same, I’m sharing them with you with the hope that an idea or two here will spark your creative abilities. And I’m not just talking about the arts or artistic skills. This is also about everyday living.

Let me also leave you with this thought: People say that curiosity killed the cat. But now I think fear and negativism kill curiosity and creativity, leaving the cat with undiscovered potentials and one meaningless life. I believe there’s nothing more tragic than that.

How about you? Has anyone or anything stirred your creative thinking recently?

Perhaps, it would be best to consult more of the world’s respected writers. Many of them have gifted us not just with award-winning books, plays and other works of art, but also with witty, inspiring and thought-provoking quotes.

Discovering Your Passion and What Drives You

Legendary novelist and poet Murasaki Shikibu, famous for her 3-part classic The Tale of Genji, wrote, “The art of the novel happens because the storyteller’s own experience of men and things, whether good or ill – not only what he has passed through himself, but even events which he has only witnessed or been told of – has moved him to an emotion so passionate that he can no longer keep it shut up in his heart.”

Indeed, if you’ll think about it, life wouldn’t be fulfilling if there is no passion. You might not have realized it yet, but that zeal might have been lying inside you all along, waiting to be triggered. Discover where your passion is and the best chapters of a great novel, that is your life, will begin.

“How do I do that?” you’d say.

Well, as the 20th century American journalist and dramatist Gene Fowler said, “Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”

Starting to write a good work, just like starting to consciously live a good life, is never easy. You might need to crumple and throw away sheets of paper and waste some ink before you can get all the words flowing from your already bleeding brain and emotions. But the beauty of it is that you’ll never know that in the end you might have been writing a masterpiece.

Of Inspiration and Self-Discovery

If the time comes when you’d feel desperate in starting to liven up your life, you might begin to wonder if it would be bad to take inspiration from someone and somehow imitate what they’ve accomplished.

The answer is no.

You might want to take it from Francois Rene de Chateaubriand, said to be the founder of Romanticism in French literature. He said, “The original writer is not one who imitates nobody, but one whom nobody can imitate.” However, do not fall into the trap of simply copying everything that isn’t even applicable to you that everything in your life will go back to being something that is devoid of passion or any excitement at all. Don’t let American novelist and playwright Truman Capote whisper in your ear, “It isn’t writing at all — it’s typing.” It wouldn’t be bad to try and follow someone’s footsteps, but, let your own self also shine through and your life will be one unique work of art.

A Life Lived With Wisdom

A good life, though, isn’t just about living with what you have inside you. You should, of course, see what’s around you – the people, the environment, the situation and everything else. You need to look around, deal with relationships, and explore new things.

Wisdom plays a big part in having a fulfilled life. You might want to remind yourself of this through a quote from bestselling author of Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera, when he talked about the classic novel Don Quixote: “The wisdom of the novel comes from having a question for everything. When Don Quixote went out into the world, that world turned into a mystery before his eyes.”

So, start living your life now. If you’re still at a loss as to how you’d do it, maybe it’s you that Sir Philip Sidney, a 16th century English poet and soldier, would like to correspond to when he wrote: “’Fool!’ my muse said to me, ‘look into thy heart, and write.’”

And in the end, may you have a life that’s like a well-written novel. “’Only a novel’… in short, only some in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humor are conveyed to the world in the best chosen language,” as the great romantic fiction writer Jane Austen would say.

Postscript: I would love to hear your thoughts on the direction of this website. I believe in great ideas coming together and creating something powerful. This is my home now, and the readers of PluginID are more than friends in my book, and I value what you think. Please let me know in the comments.

“Change brings opportunity.” – Nido Quebin

The new PluginID is still underway and I am truly excited to share the outcome to everyone. And yes, there are changes – a facelift, as Adam would call it. PluginID is evolving, and the steps that we need to take is underway.

Hi, my name is Raquel, the new torch-bearer for PluginID.

First, I would like to thank Adam for passing the torch. This is a whole new journey for me and I know that there are learnings and “aha” moments along the way. And thankfully, that’s what PluginID is all about – experiencing new things that open up a new chapter in one’s life and learning from others as they share their own stories.

Even though PluginID is getting a facelift, the voice and vision of the blog will remain the same. And as the new PluginID begins, you may notice a difference on what I will be imparting in the coming days – I may write something inspirational one day; then, something trivial the next. But we will stay true to what this website is all about.

A little about me

I’m a mother, a wife, and a writer. Most of my time is devoted to my little girl and my husband, to whom I’ve been married for almost 7 years.

I have been writing some inspirational articles and personal journals. But they were never meant for the public. I’ve only shared them to family and friends. This time, though, I believe that maybe it’s time to share my thoughts, successes, failures, and my journey through life.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

The journey of life is one of learning. And learning means continuing to be inspired, motivated, and interested wherever your roads lead you to.

PluginID is the beginning of a new chapter into my writing. And I look forward to bringing some interesting things in return. I also hope that you will let me know your thoughts and stories to make this continuing journey more dynamic and meaningful.

See you again very soon!

It Always Starts with Your Thoughts

If you are going to do anything worthwhile in life, you must start by changing your thinking. You must answer some very basic questions about what I like to call ultimate questions.

Ultimate questions are philosophical in nature and I propose that all people, not just philosophers, need to ask and then answer them. They are questions that every scientist must answer before beginning the work of discovery. They give us a framework from which to unlock the secrets of the world in which we live. These ultimate questions start with the most fundamental and move to questions of a more practical nature, “does anything exist”, “do I/you exist”, and “are there any absolute truths.” If we are to develop in our humanity and become “fully alive”, then we must first ask ourselves what we believe about ourselves, our world and our place in it. Many may believe that these questions are solely the domain of philosophers, and again, I would strongly disagree.

Philosophy… Who Needs It?

You see, all of us go through life operating under a particular philosophy whether we know it or not. You cannot do anything without it. What do I mean by the statement, “we all live by a particular philosophy?” Well, we all make some basic assumptions about our world and ourselves. We assume that when we wake up in the morning and stand on our floors that we will not fall through them, even if we don’t know why. We believe that things exist. It would be absurd to carry on conversations with people we didn’t think were really there. We also believe that things exist in the same way for everyone. We wouldn’t want to put ourselves in danger by driving down a road that we thought might not be fixed in time and space or may not exist in the same way for all of the other drivers. We know that there are physical laws that govern the universe and we all rely upon them to live in it. We all feel the effects of gravity and are certain that we will not float up into the atmosphere as if there were no gravity. Even the simplest animals understand this, if only instinctively. I believe that everyone to this point would agree with me. Stay with me now as I delve into an area that many will find very challenging.

The Ultimate, Ultimate Question

What is my Ultimate Purpose?

No, I didn’t accidentally type the word Ultimate twice in the heading above. I mean the ultimate question that trumps all others. That is, the first and most important ultimate question we must answer so that it is first and foremost in our minds is, “what is my highest ideal or most important goal and why?” It could also be called an ultimate purpose. What is it? Is it making huge piles of money so that I can live the life of my dreams, have anything I want and go anywhere I want to? Is it to be famous and loved by millions of people? Is it to help the most people or do the most good I can do while I am here on this earth? What is your ultimate purpose in life?

Can you answer that question without a hint of doubt? Can you be absolutely certain that it is the right answer? Absolutely! You can because of who you are. We are all called to answer that question unequivocally – without wavering.

Without answering this question we tend to go through life without a rudder. There is an old saying that goes like this, “if you don’t stand for something, then you will fall for anything.”

I would love to see you answer that question for yourselves in the comments. This is not an easy task and it will require much thought and above all, prayer.

And that is certainly true for PluginID. This is Adam, the owner of this blog and I have some good news and some bad news. How about the good news first?  This blog has some exciting things happening in the near future. For example, PluginID has a new writer, moi!  Here is a recent photo of my family and me. This was taken while on our vacation to Palm Desert this past June.

As mentioned in the last post, we will also be giving PluginID a facelift.  Actually, it will be more than a facelift. It will be a whole new, updated, clean, simple, yet complete-with-cool-new-widgets, modern blog that our commun.  Secondly, as we make our changes and implement our big plans for the site, we will be completely transparent by posting case studies into exactly what we’ve done, what worked, what didn’t and why we believe it worked or it didn’t.  Third, we will continue to offer very helpful content to help you plug into your identity in two ways:

(1) Your identity as it pertains to your own personal development

(2) Your online identity as a blogger, Internet Marketer, content publisher, and online business owner

And now for the bad news…

Brett will be Moving On

I mentioned that I would be the new writer.  I should explain.  Brett is off to the University of Pennsylvania and he has decided to simplify his life and focus on his education.  I fully back him in this, of course.  Here is a farewell letter he wrote to you.

Who’s the New Guy?

So what makes me qualified to write for PluginID on the topic of personal development.  Who am I and why would you want to read what I have to say about the problem of becoming fully human.  That is to say, what makes me an authority on being fully alive and purpose-driven in life, business, relationships, Internet marketing, and life in general?

Well, since the age of 15, I have been on my own personal journey, gathering experience and knowledge in finding true fulfillment in life.   I have found that one is only truly happy when one has a true purpose and a way to live that is meaningful!  I decided long ago that merely existing and simply going through the motions of life was not for me.

Pain was Inevitable

I have always been an introspective type, which is great because I know myself well and have some great inner conversations that lead to deeper insights about myself, and how I relate to everyone else.  However, I also tend to go to extremes in my ideologies and appetites, and this has caused me much pain.

For example, I went through a period in my life where I was obsessed with being intoxicated 24/7 and I turned myself into the most accomplished drug addict I could be.  I do everything 150% and I applied that to drug use as well.

The Beginning of my Turn-Around

When I got sober more than 13 years ago, I had to find other, more productive outlets so I went to school and studied mathematics, physics and computer science.  I pursued my degree with a vengeance and graduated Summa Cum Laude with honors in math.  The only problem with that is that I became a bit too consumed with my studies and drove all of my loved-ones nuts because of my obsession.  My girlfriend, who is now my wife, got the impression that I loved theorems, derivations, and proofs more than her.

I have been obsessed with work, video games, extremely difficult math problems and many other things.

These and other obsessions are a good indication that there was a void in my life that I was trying to fill with mostly good things (after I became sober at 21 years of age, of course).  So, how did I eventually fill that God-shaped hole in my life?  How did I get away from being so self-consumed and obsessed with my pursuits that I couldn’t see much else?

The Completion of my Turn-Around

It was prayer and the development of a deep faith and trust in God that filled that void.  And it wasn’t until I was taught to laugh at myself that I could truly relax, enjoy life and start focusing on helping others rather than just satisfying my own appetites.  I discovered that wasn’t what everyone was thinking about just because I was all I was thinking about.

People generally aren’t thinking about me because they’re wrapped up in their own lives.  I found I was actually happiest when I was doing what Chuck Chamberlain so aptly phrased as, “helping God’s kids for fun and for free.”  In later posts, I will go into more detail about how I do that exactly.

I found that universe doesn’t have me at the center of it, even though it seems that way sometimes.  I could either accept these and search for other greater truths and meaning in my life and be happy, or I could continue deceiving myself and continue in my self-centered, self-consumed, miserable state.  Well I chose the greater path and have found more purpose in life than I know what to do with!

Where is PluginID Headed?

The above is a bit of a preview of what will be discussed in future posts on the personal development front.  And I cannot wait to show you some case studies of my personal development and online marketing successes and failures.  I have been on the personal development journey for 20 years.  I have also been engaged in Internet marketing for 10 years now and have owned and run more than 80 sites during that time.  I have had many successes and many great learning experiences and I am very excited to share them with you.

Now it is your turn.  What has truly made the difference in your personal development journey?

Also, we are asking you again to tell us what you would like to see on the site as we are completely remodeling it.  What do you love about the site now?  What needs to go?