I’ve talked about various aspects and elements of relationships in my recent blog entries. This is simply because my own personal reflection and your comments have triggered more ideas and insights on how to have a healthy relationship. For this reason, I’d like to dig into another important ingredient in relationships – respect.

Most of you, if not all, would agree that respect is significant in any kind of relationship. Even in dealing with people that you work with in your office or business, things are much better when there is mutual respect. But how can we show respect? How do we practice it in our relationships?

In her 1960’s hit song, music icon Aretha Franklin spelled the word out as something that a modern woman demands from a man. I think, however, in keeping a healthy relationship, respect should be quite different from this. Though I’m no Aretha Franklin, I’d like to spell it out, too.  I’d like to say some of the things I’ve learned about cultivating mutual respect in a relationship, not just with my spouse, but with every person I meet and even with myself. So here goes R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

R-espond to the other person.

Responding to the other person means you acknowledge what he’s done or said. His or her effort wasn’t ignored and has value for you. And I think this goes for both positive and negative actions and words of the other person. A very simple and common example that I think has happened to, perhaps, all of us is when you’ve done a favor for a friend and that friend didn’t offer anything, not even a word of thanks. You surely felt like that person’s one of the most discourteous and ungrateful soul in the world. While a true friend shouldn’t expect anything in return, it should be just natural for a real friend, or for any human being, to express sincere thanks for a favor received, at the very least.

Even the almost methodical way of saying thank you by a boss to a staff still promotes the latter’s self-esteem. It could still make a difference in his or her decision in staying in that office or not if that time comes.

E-ncourage each other.

Words of encouragement are powerful means to let someone know that you believe in his or her capacity. Aside from helping the person to accomplish something, you recognize the person’s worth – in his own life, in yours, or in other people’s. And if we’re working towards having a strong relationship, wouldn’t the road be easier if we know that the other person believes in what we can do?

In personal and professional relationships, there are times when problems set in. The possibility of them being solved is greater when you both can point out each other’s talents and other positive qualities. Life would definitely be better if you know that you’re backing each other up, that you see something good in each other.

S-tandards should be kept.

From the time that we’re able to comprehend what our parents or guardians are teaching us and to choose what we want, our standards, values, beliefs, and preferences begin to take shape. I believe that in relationships, respect should be of the mutual kind.

Knowing what you like and what you don’t plays an important part. It establishes your personal boundary – setting what kind of behavior, personality and treatment are acceptable to you and which aren’t. This helps in setting your self-respect, which promote the other person’s high regard for you. I’ve known a couple of friends who’ve been in unhealthy, even abusive, relationships who admitted that while the other person wronged them, they were doomed from the start because they had low self-esteem.

Similarly, you also need to know the standards of the other person and keep them in mind. Make sure that you don’t cross that line. In many arguments that lead to burning bridges, people have forgotten or chose not to respect each other’s standards. On a more positive note, you’d notice that most of those who continue to live together, work together, or stay friends for a long time are those who made that effort to know what the other person wants and be vocal enough to let the other know his or her own personal boundary.

P-romises should, of course, be kept, too.

Keeping your promises is also a significant way to promote mutual respect in a relationship. By doing exactly what you said you’d do, you show the other person that you want to fulfill his or her expectations – that you value what he or she thinks, feels, experiences etc.

Accomplishing your promises also makes the other person respect you more, because you stick to your word. Consistency of action generally reaps respect from people. For instance, a manager that walks the talk elicits stronger following from subordinates and colleagues. He gets higher esteem than others.

Broken promises contribute to cracks in relationships. Most marriages start to breakdown when either of the two starts to forget, intentionally or unintentionally, whatever he or she pledged to the other. While there are some cases when the cracks are mended, there are countless relationships that just shatter into pieces after a short while.

E-xtra mile should be traveled even when there isn’t a reward.

Athletes who always give their all and maybe some more in every game, even when the prize is almost negligible, are amazing. They do it because they have such love and respect for the sport and for their talent. Just the same, in relationships, going the extra mile without thinking of getting any incentive or reward makes the other feel highly regarded.

But the good thing about giving that extra effort for another person provides some reward for both parties in the long run. It strengthens the foundation of your relationship.

Go out of your way. You don’t have to always do the bare minimum. If you want to show someone that they’re valuable, and that you respect them, go the extra mile without expecting a reward.

C-areful consideration should always be there.

Being considerate about the other person helps a lot in maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Ask the other person about his side. Listen, observe, and take hints about what he thinks and how he feels. And use whatever information you’ve gathered to know the best way to deal with him or her.

Careful consideration of how one feels and thinks goes well with one of the things I mentioned earlier – knowing someone’s personal boundary. They go hand in hand. Usually, when you know the person’s preferences, beliefs, and values, it would be easy to know and understand his or her words, emotions and actions.

T-act is a must.

Especially when you’ve already become so familiar with each other already, sometimes tact becomes non-existent. Particularly when we’re engaged in a heated argument or a serious discussion, we say things that can really be offensive – things that we usually regret afterwards.

Many relationships at home, at work, in school, and among friends are broken due to hurtful or derogatory remarks thrown at each other. If you’re able to maintain tact even in disputes and keep your respect for each other, you will most probably be able to settle your issues quickly. Not only that, you’ll also come out better individuals with a stronger relationship.

Aretha Franklin’s chorus pleads for “just a little bit…” of respect. But if we want to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, we need to give and receive much more than that. Without mutual respect, our relationship is bound to go downhill. Let’s express our high esteem for each other. Let’s spell R-E-S-P-E-C-T out loud in our relationships.