Instant Happiness: Living with Total Acceptance
Glen / 
23 Comments / 
December 1st, 2008 / 
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Acceptance is a beautiful thing, but it’s also something that I’ve struggled to master. Acceptance, the opposite of resistance, is simply allowing things to be as they are, and acknowledging internally that they are what they are. Nothing more, nothing less.
To give you an example of acceptance, let’s look at human emotions. Let’s say you are feeling angry; when we are angry we tend to be less productive, quick to judge and quick to react. This happens because as soon as you resist anything that you feel, it either stays or escalates, fact.
Our Emotions
However, if you accept that you are feeling angry, then that is it. Anger is just a word, it is just chemical reactions that are happening in our body, there is no need for this emotion to take over us. Personally, I don’t believe in the science behind our emotions such as our DNA affecting how we act or statements like ‘babies born into a peaceful environment live a more peaceful life’. I just think it’s all about how we deal with certain situations.
A lot of the time, anger is simply linked to how invested we are in our ego. More likely than not, your original angry emotion came about at a time when you were resisting what is, think about that.
Picture in your mind a time that you have been angry, it could be anything, just make sure you know what caused the anger. I’ll tell you one of mine, my parents didn’t get me a present that I had wanted so badly for Christmas and it really got to me. Christmas day, and they couldn’t get me the one thing that I asked for, this was a few years ago by the way. I remember feeling so much emotion, actually hatred at times because of this one event.
Why? Simple, I was resisting the moment.
I wasn’t accepting the situation for what it is. Now the item that I had wanted so much at the time is completely irrelevant, even if I didn’t have it (I do) it would still make no difference to me whatsoever.
Can you relate to that?
Anytime you have found yourself angry is simply because you were resisting the moment, you were resisting what is.
Before I continue I want to make something clear, acceptance does not mean that things won’t change. Acceptance doesn’t mean:
- You don’t want to grow as a person
- You can’t aim for better things in life
- You don’t see the need for change (war, crime, etc)
- You become lazy and set in your ways
Acceptance is all about allowing the present moment to be and not identifying with it (which means you let it affect you), especially not in a negative light.
Living with Acceptance
What if we could live a life where we accept everything that happens, we understand that every moment is perfect as it is and we don’t need anything else. We don’t need a flash car to look forward to; we don’t need a fancy holiday coming up, if you have that then great. If you don’t, great too. If you’ve just found out that you have 4 weeks to live, how much would you care about what car you are driving, or in my case, what present your parents didn’t get you for Christmas?
Halfway through writing this blog post I went downstairs to make myself some coffee. I like to put about 60% of water in the cup to leave plenty of room for milk; however, I accidentally almost filled the cup. I swore, out loud, instantly. I didn’t think about it, it just happened. It was an auto-response in which I totally resisted the moment. I can’t change what happened, I can’t go back in time and only fill the water up to around 60%, yet for that brief moment I was annoyed. As soon as I realised this I laughed out loud, I noticed that I completely went against the way I’m trying to live my life.
This is the exact reasons that I say living with acceptance is difficult; we are all so quick to:
- Judge
- Criticise
- Curse
- Complain
Most of us don’t know any different. It’s quite sad really, and certainly not very zen. So to flip that thought on its head, how about we just accept our current position for what it is.
If you’re poor, how about you accept that instead of spending your time wishing you had more money and complaining about your bad luck.
If you’re disabled, how about you accept that instead of cursing the world for the situation you are in.
If you’re overweight, how about you accept that instead of judging those who judge you. Either deal with the situation or let go of any negativity you hold towards that (if any).
If you fit into any one of the three examples above, you’re probably angered by what I’m saying. If that is the case, is the anger you are feeling through choice? Do you actually want to feel that way.
This isn’t about being lazy or not hoping for anything better. It’s about:
- Not giving yourself an excuse to keep things the way they are
- Realising that your life situation is not who you are
- Appreciating every moment, every now
Beautifully, and perhaps most importantly of all, acceptance allows you to move on. You don’t hold on to your story and blame the world for your situation; you move on and do the things nobody thinks you can do. You do the things that you’ve always wanted to but feared you won’t achieve. You do the things people do that gets them featured in Time Magazine and inspire millions of people.
How to live in total acceptance? Stop resisting the moment and stop clinging to the things that you think are holding you back. Only then will a world of abundance and opportunity open up to you.
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Children are great at avoiding those automatic responses such as your coffee moment. Children seem to flow around such moments, much like water. When mine asks what happened after such a moment, it’s always “nothing important.” So why did I react that way? It’s worth pondering…
Wow Pamir, you are so right now that I think about it. I guess this shows just how conditioned we have become to the reactions of others and simply follow in toe.
Thanks for the thought-provoking comment!
I like this Glen. When we don’t accept the NOW, we may end up spending too much time wishing for the moon and getting upset over unconstructive things. I think it’s ok to be upset – that’s also being in the moment – but once that’s done we need to remind ourselves to move on to the next moment.
It’s OK to be upset, as long as you know that it’s ok to be upset and it doesn’t simply lead you in a downward spiral.
I like how you talk about ego. I find that our egos get in the way of so much. Egos need to be pumped up, they get offended easily and they demand a lot of attention. All of that takes energy and wouldn’t it be better applying that energy to more productive things, like following our dreams and doing what we really want?
One thing I’ve learned to use in looking to appreciate things is to simply say, “It could be worse” and use that at everything you look at. It really helps to highlight how it TRULY could be worse in almost every situation we find ourself unhappy about, cursing at or whatever. It definitely helps to hold off complaints.
Yes, that’s also a good one Mike!
“Acceptance allows you to move on.”
I love that quote. I’ve struggled with acceptance too and the more I give in to it the easier and more enjoyable my life becomes. My anger is at it’s highest when I’m driving. I either just want to get to work or just get home, but it’s realizing these feelings and accepting my current position that allows me to enjoy the moment.
Hey Karl, thanks for the comment.
Yeah I can totally relate to that, especially when I’m driving and the light goes red. These days I tend to laugh at my instant reaction
Hi
So true. “What one resists, persists.”
Juliet
To me the biggest benefit of acceptance is the intelligence you gain from the experience. By allowing your emotions to simply be what they are (warning signs), we can see the situation for what it is.
For example, I bet you are not going to make the same mistake with the coffee anytime soon because you have an experience tied to it.
Accepting what is and not comparing it with our expectations allows us to handle reality and not dwell on what-ifs.
Excellent points. Stumbled!
“DNA affecting how we act or statements like ‘babies born into a peaceful environment live a more peaceful life” Life is determined (for the most part) how you determine to live and want it to be like. Saw your post on problogger and now subscribed via google
This is a great post and something that too many people need to hear, including me on occasion.
For a really great example of someone who accepted that he had physical and mental challenges to overcome and did something about it, you should take a look at Azeem Kayum’s book Wrestling With the Goddess. It’s a really moving testament to the power of the human spirit and the ability to overcome challenges.
Just read Ruth’s comment on Azeem’s book and his determination to move ahead in life. I am his mother and I will like to share something with you. He could have given up on many occasions but he possesses an inner drive that motivates me very often. If people can be grateful for the things they are blessed with, life will be so much happier. The power of positive thinking should be cultivated within us. It takes time and effort and if we spend time to do develop this trait, then we will be at peace with ourselves.
Thanks for the comment Laila, you must be very proud
Welcome to PluginID!
Glen, I have to admit twice now you have rocked me out of my almost consuming feelings for my recent breakup with my boyfriend. I know there are a lot of things in my experience that I can and can not handle and, with my breakup, I was at a terrific loss as to what I should do to personally move on. I “googled” for inspiration and found your article on getting something or someone off your mind.
Brilliant for the timing, I have to say because I was able to sleep for the first time in a week or so, knowing I have control over what I think about, and He (being my boyfriend) is not worth it.
Tonight, I was consumed with not knowing how to feel (besides complete anger) about him already dating another lady after me only leaving him two weeks ago for “cheating on me”. Why was I surprised, shocked and hurt? Lol, to heck with him! That’s my thought right now after reading This particular article. I accept that he did wrong by me and our engagement and I will find this as my chance to discover who I truly am and what I am capable of, independently, because that is what really counts.
I want to thank you and look forward to plenty more reading and inspiration. Cheers!
Jennifer, I can’t believe I never replied to this at the time but thanks so much for this comment. In fact, I have it saved in a private area as it gives me inspiration to keep on writing and do what I’m doing.
Thank you!
Thank you. =]
Same here, I’ve just bookmarked this page actually in case I need to be reminded to just simply BE. instead of fixating myself to my ego & pondering endlessly about ‘who’ i really should become (or my life would be a total waste!).
sometimes, actually often, it could be a very thin line between having a goal/dreams in “what/who I *want* to become”, and fixating too much on it, that i FORGOT to live & accept the Present time.
would love to hear how you can manage this delicate balance!
thanks,
and keep writing, sharing & lighting the world!