Grasping This Concept Will Massively Impact Your Life

No need for explanation at all, Glen. Beautifully articulated and a day well spent. : )

This post was one of the best I’ve read in months. It’s so straight on and I can completely agree with this. As I’ve gone from wanting and getting and just accepting, anxiety and everything else has dropped away.

I have by no means arrived at the final destination, but huge improvements have been made and the value of releasing with Sedona Method (which I also do) and being in the present is . . . priceless.

Great article and example Glen.

Hi Glen!

This is a very important concept indeed, and you did a great job at phrasing it.

Another way to look at ‘completely accepting’ the outcome of some situation, which I’ve heard used a bit more and find easier to grasp, is letting go of the outcome. Reminds me of Fight Club, when Tyler says “stop trying to control everything and just let go.” A smart man, he was

You talk a lot about being in the moment, and I think this is the key thing. Everything else except the moment is an illusion, a projection created by your thoughts. If you can be fully present and focused on the moment, the outcome becomes irrelevant, because the outcome is not part of the moment.

Another thing is, that confidence becomes a non-issue. Confidence is based on projections – how we think others perceive us when we do this and that, or look the way we do, and when you are in the moment there is no room for these projections. You just are.

I’ve been terribly bad at living in the moment, but consciously putting effort on pushing every thought out of my mind and focusing on what I’m doing has made me better at it during the past year. I started this by simply trying to be present when washing dishes, and now I find it easier and easier to do in social situations. This has also tremendously increased my enjoyment in being around people, and my friends have noticed it too. They can sense my intensity and that I’m really listening to what they have to say.

A photographer was once asked about how he defines a perfect photo, or has he ever been able to shoot one, and he replied that “There is no such thing as a perfect picture. The only thing that is perfect is the moment.”

I have a feeling that this photographer understood what you’re talking about.

//sami

Nicely put Glen. I can see why you were saying this was a difficult article to write. It could have gone a few ways.

I’d love to add an experience of my own that touches on this entire topic and one of the biggest fears in society: Public speaking.

First, this comes about because of my iPhone. Yes, the life changer. Anyways I adore the Andrew Johnson Apps for relaxing and sleeping. He has one that’s for Success as well. He basically takes you through a visualization exercise that relates to what you said near the end of your article – best experiences about presence in the moment. Now, at one point he tells you to think of a time where you felt like you could do anything, and one of the most important times in your life.

I urge anyone to do this or download the app (just search andrew johnson) and I bet you’ll see what Glen is saying. You don’t picture the time you got something materialistic, or were trying to get something from life.

I pictured my Thesis Presentation in 4th Year University studying Landscape Architecture. A project I spent All year doing. I was horrible at public speaking and I was normally very nervous. Yet on that day, I was calm. Biggest speech of my life and I rocked it. I probably had hardly any sleep too. It was far more interesting than any other speeches and got my topic and design across. I was so i the moment and wanted nothing from them. I spend a school year working on this project and nothing they would say would take away what I learned and went through.

It was visualizing this memory that reminded me that I need to get back on that creative path and be myself.

“If you stop looking to get things from life and realise that your best ever experiences have just been the total presence of the moment, all negativity and doubt just drifts away. This doesn’t mean you don’t try for things or make changes in your life but that you genuinely don’t care whether someone likes you or what is going to come out of a situation.
You just enjoy the fact that there is someone and a situation.”

That is phrased well.

I was/am a wall flower for the majority of my life. The moments of true clarity, have always come when I’m not trying.

It’s the “nothing to lose” phenomena.

This part that you bolded has made me think a lot:

“The reason we fear certain things is rarely because we’re worried about something going wrong, it’s because we’re trying to get something from a person or situation.”

I’ll think about that the next time I’m feeling anxious. Good perspective.

I have to tell you, Glen, you had me a little scared at the beginning of this post. I thought it might be about pick-up lines, or something.
But, you pulled it out nicely. Non-Attachment and absorption of the process and not the thing-in-itself are ancient concepts, but it’s still hard to practice.
Hey. Maybe there’s a book on using Zen thought for pickup artists. Title: Buddha Call?

Super cool post!!!
I have been too a bit puzzled in the begging as Matt “above” about being it a manual for picking up the girls, but I am grateful I have trusted in you;-)
Excellent read indeed.
The F word > Fear is present everywhere and is fed by expectations instead of being mindfully present here and now and letting the situation unfold.
Expectations are giving birth to disappointment.
Have no mission, don’t expect anything. Simply live freely but mindfully every precious moment.
I am grateful I have spent my “earth” time by reading this post.
I will spread the word about you in Slovakia, Glen!
cheers,
i.

Happiness is a decision. I think you nailed it. When you’re reaching out for something, strive for it with your all your energy and strength (that brings joy all by itself), but keep the presence of mind that you are whole and complete with or without it. Nothing outside can define our happiness.

Have fun in Amsterdam.

Fantastic Glen,

First of all, you’ve created a perfect image of the Dutch guy. Drink a lot, act stupid around women and get whimped off. Exactly how it is.

Second. You are right, the best moments in my life wasn’t when I got something. When I look back at my graduation of high school, it wasn’t one of my best moments in my life because I got my diploma, it was because I was there, with a lot of people I love around me. All my friends suit up, drinking champagne.

Thanks for this amazing insights Glen. I think your day was worth it for a lot of people!

Another great post, Glen. This is what “living in the moment” truly is.

It’s hard sometimes – we get caught up in our own heads so much that we can’t see something awesome happening right under our noses. We’re so results-oriented that a “failed” interaction with women like yours becomes a personal failure to fear, when objectively it’s nothing of the sort. I’ve been there, and it’s not fun.

In fact, I’ve committed to living in the moment more than ever this year. Maybe I’ll get to meet you in Amsterdam soon – it’s one of the places on my travel list.

Great article and just what I needed to read today as I struggled to let go of the memory of a sad (and costly) event and just move forward.

Good post.

Are you writing about non-attachment? You should read up on some Buddhist philosophy as that is one of the things they like to practice.

Great and original article Glen. You really nail the essence of non-attachment.

The problem with our ego or self-image is it often stop us from having some fantastic experiences.

The paradox is that we feel life most intensely when we are not aware of living. I recommend anybody to read about flow states. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi presents a very down to earth view on this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mihaly_Csikszentmihalyi

Hey Glen,

Love the article. I personally am not a partier, but I think we can all relate to the approaching situation or the job interview, and despite not being a big party guy myself, I find I identify with your article at a very basic level. Even if it took you some thinking, I love the way you’ve phrased the concepts in the article, and they hold very true.

Thanks so much for writing this, I will keep it in mind as I go through my day…very true.

Have an Awesome day,

Ryan

You prelude to your point was interesting and completely true. How many times do people find themselves standing on the edge of a decision with their thoughts running wild, and once they gain the courage to take the next step, their self limiting beliefs enter into the picture and the opportunity is lost? Life is about taking action, enjoying the process, and trying your absolutely hardest to disassociate from the outcome. More often than not, there are a variety of factors that need to be in alignment for your desired result to be achieved, but if you understand the philosophy that all of our growth occurs on the journey, rather than the culmination of it all, then I firmly believe that we will no longer allow our thoughts to prevent us from taking the next step!

In addition, being present, combined with consistent action will yield results…try it and you will see!

Hey dude,

I’m new here… Good article man!

Yep, I think all fellas are guilty of over-thinking things from the ladies from time to time.

I find a deep breath – and a total lack of concern for the outcome – are the best way to get over stage fright. A nice bit of anchoring pre-approach helps too.

I like your Sedona reference too – I’ve just started getting into that via the book – pretty powerful stuff ay? Do you use the book or the (expensive) programme? If so, is it worth the cash?

Sweet man. Good site. Would like a chance to swap articles with you – we seem to be on a similar page…

Boom! Enjoy the ‘Dam my brother!

Hey Glen.

Good call here. I had read the article not responded to it as of yet. I have done similar to what you and Diggy have done with a couple of good friends. I like how you call it “Irrelevant Rejection”, because that is certainly what it is, as you and the person forget each other very quickly. The experience is the valuable part. Due to various risk-takings of the past, I am much more resilient in public than most folks. This is a good thing.

I like the part saying that when we expect something, we start to fear things. We fear the loss of the thing we expect to get, before it is even gotten, which is foolish.

About that part where it says “Diggy introduces himself first and…nothing”, that was great. The person who said nothing to Diggy can one day submit their repsonse to failblog.org for missing out on time with Diggy.

Cool deal here.

Hey Glen:

I am happy to know you (and your friends) make it a point to step out of your comfort zone. Taking (calculated) risks without fear or favor is the key learning experience here. Instead of worrying about winning or losing, just enjoy the process and be in the moment. Jon Kabat Zinn (Boston, MA) has written extensively about such experiences in his books. Check it out for yourself if you are curious and haven’t had the chance to do so already. For example, when you eat an apple, just eat an apple. Learn to focus without any distractions. Bruce Lee, the Hollywood star and martial artist, said something similar: when you punch, be the punch…put your heart and soul into your experiences. Without worrying about the outcome. Society conditions us sometimes to develop a scarcity mentality (winner versus losers) and outcome consciousness (“So, what grade did you receive on your test?”). We are either rewarded or punished and that becomes the way we are conditioned. However, the trick is to try to break free of that hypnotic effect. Be natural. Be spontaneous. Be organic. Go with the flow. Niagra Falls does not have an ego, so it just is, flows.

Hi,

Great post. as Stephen Covay would put it: between stimulus and response, man has the power to choose. If you feel anxious about something, you are actually choosing to become anxious. You can also choose not to be anxious. That’s a power animals don’t posess.

Also, if do not expect enything from a situation, I often find it isn’t worth the trouble.

anyway, this may be helpful in a job interview.

- snipercup

Hey Glen:

It seems to me that what you are talking about is just following your own path and not worrying about the details. If you just focus on being the best that you can be then everything else will happen.

Just like you said, you cannot get anything from anybody. I have long ago dropped this idea of trying to validate myself through other people.

If you just pursue your path and know what you want and tell others exactly what you want, then it will be much easier to deal with rejection until essentially you will just stop caring of what others think and just do what you have to do.

Best,
Tomas

I love the story behind this blog post and I am a big promoter in finding “moments” like you just did. Great post once again Glen, you continually to amaze me with your posts, keep up the great work.

Very wise words, Glen. And very eloquently put. This article reminds me of Byron Katie’s book, “Loving What Is.” Her whole concept is that unhappiness exists in wanting reality to be different than it is…. expecting something different, trying to be different than you are, wishing other behaved differently. Very similar thoughts to how you describe unhappiness in wanting to get something from someone. It all comes down to accepting what is, and not having expectations…. thank you for my zen reminder for the day.

Glen, I’ve come back to this post 3 times…it sticks with me. I particulary like the expression you coined “irrevelant rejection”. And the idea of not coming to a situation to “get something”. Thoughtful stuff. Thanks for this excellent post and taking the time to write it.

Nice article Glen,

Reminds me of some Zen Archery advice about being in the moment,

When the novice aims for Bronze their aim is sure and steady,
when they go for Silver it’s starts so wobble…
when they go for Gold, it’s all over the place!

Whenever I start thinking about a certain aspect of personal development, I see it popping up everywhere.
Well, today’s that day for me.
Earlier today I was listening to a lecture on art and how we attach meaning to a painting. How our perception shapes our reality.
Then I watched a movie called I Heart Huckabees about perception, reality, and the lack of the universe (it’s a weird movie)
Now this post, that basically says to remove your ego from the situation and just be fulfilled feeling alive.

Thanks for the article Glen! Originally I was going to say it sounds like a lot of articles you’ve already written on being in the present. I still think that’s true. But I have an odd fascination with tip posts (no wonder they bring people to websites). But I think your stories about dancing people can easily relate to.

Which reminds me of a recent video I saw on another blog about getting out of your element and letting your ego fall by the wayside

great article again =]

excellent. this article is right in line with where I am at, at this moment in life. Live authentically!

Thanks for the great article! I’ve always been sort of fascinated by pick-up, but being a girl… and not that interested in picking up guys… I didn’t see much way to incorporate it. I love the comparison to interviews – and I’ve always aced interviews. So, I shall consider myself a good pickup artist by transference.

I’ve used the bloomverse sedona programs, would you highly recommend the complete/original program instead?

Interestingly in the past, the things I aimed to get from a situation were not necessarily the things I really wanted …and then all sorts of inner and outer conflicts would be at play as well as anxiety and doubt!

This New Year, I made a point of doing something early on that I really really wanted to do and that was aligned not just with my purpose but with my joy and passion.

The result was that I produced a free relaxation MP3 that people can download from my website. I loved every moment of its creation, from my learnings (and obtaining qualifications) years ago to my related meditations and inspirations, to developing the audio in my head and writing out the words on paper and then finally, this year, working with my friend to create the music and record my voice. I’m now enjoying being able to share it!

Thanks for this post Glen, I’ve been subscribing to your feed for a long time and your posts are always a pleasure to read.

The teaching part is great! You have articulated yourself well. You also made me realize something. You better yourself just for this kind of moment? To party everyday and meet girls and end the night just the way you wanted it?
It tells me that not everything we want is really good is it? Ofcourse we can argue, what is good? To each his/her own. But somehow I felt sad, almost empty for what you are achieving for yourself. You are using your financial success through helping others become free enough to live their life to the fullest to reward yourself is more consumption of a non-sustainable and shallow hunger. I’m making a real hard judgement and assumption. I am not trying to blatantly be mean hence my real name. You can disregard what I have said if you don’t like it and use this method to do it. But consider deeply what you are all about and what cost you are paying to get all you want in this life. Sorry to be redundant. Peace, fellow sojourner.

Hey Glen,

One thing I’d be curious to hear you dissect a bit is how you have developed the mind set and attitude for irrelevant rejection. Are there particular exercises that you go through to do this. I’ve found as I’ve been religious about affirmations/autosuggestion, I’m getting there more more, but I’m still not consistent. Anyways. I’d love to hear your thoughts. I definitely get what you mean about now wanting to get something from the situation.

Glen, there are 3 reasons I liked this post:

1. “one of the big reasons I wanted to make a living online was simply to party as much as possible” – It’s honest and it made me laugh.
2. “That was it. We each grab a girl and let’s just say, the night turned out how we wanted it to.” – It gave the benefits of what you were talking about.
3. “If you stop looking to get things from life and realise that your best ever experiences have just been the total presence of the moment, all negativity and doubt just drifts away.” – It’s wise. And if I understood it correctly, it’s about trying your best to bring about an outcome, and then “letting go” or detaching from the result.

Fantastic article and I agree with the concepts shared within it completely.

Haha this is normal with girls here in Holland.

Anyway I know a lot of girls go into the ‘ignoration mode’ with guys here.
I am guilty for doing this too many times.

Anyway I must warn you that a lot of Dutch people are friendly but distant…closed off. It’s usually hard to break through the barrier, approach someone and get a conversation going.

People here don’t like to open up I guess. That’s one of the downsides of Holland. From my experience at least.

Hi Glen,
I don’t check in much but when I do, I’m often stunned by the clarity of wisdom you are able to impart.

What you are describing has an analog in cognitive therapy. It requires first identifying what the practice terms a “negative thought” and then articulating it. At that point, the client is then supported to “challenge” the thought.

So in the example, the thought might be: “I need these girls to like me,” or “Bad things will happen if these girls don’t go home with me” or something like that. The challenge is then something based on rationality. “Would your life change that much if these girls don’t talk to you?” Often articulating the thought accurately exposes the absurdity in it (making sure not to make the client feel absurd themselves) allowing clients to more easily release from it, or challenge it with new behavior.

Taking it larger might be challenging a more general thought like “I always need girls who I approach to like me” with something like “Is it realistic to require everyone in the world to like you?”

I’m NOT a therapist (nor have I experienced cognitive therapy directly) – just an academic Psych background – so if I’m misrepresenting, please (anyone) feel free to clarify.

What I can say is that this kind of cognitive work takes skill and training (for lack of better words). Speaking and articulating thoughts to yourself that actually have an impact on your pscyho-physiological system that is inline with what you are attempting to do in the situation (lessen anxiety, let go of the outcome) is much easier for some than others. Sometimes, one must work up to being able to do this.

The flipside manifests in those who are acutely open to their own cognitions, who can fall into the trap of turning this letting-go process into something they are trying to get! “Oh shit – don’t try to get, don’t try to get. Let go, let go – let go dammit!”
:O
Things like mediation/exercise/breath control go a long way towards staying balanced/grounded in this process

I find gold in those who can say something (to me, to others) that somehow releases us from the thought/mindset that is causing the trouble without actually saying anything about what I’m thinking, or without addressing my mindset whatsoever. Such people have a gift.

Anyway – just some thoughts. Again thanks for the post!
Chris

We all have our reasons for achieving our goals. The important thing to remember is that we owe it to our self. We don;t need the approval or judgment of others. We’ve only got one life, lets make the best of it.

I just posted on my blog a similar post that helps people to break down what really interests them and gets their groove on (so to speak), and how can they accomplish those tasks.
Great post as usual and helps me to put my own things into perspective. I’m ADHD though so I have to REALLY cocnentrate….:)

i strongly agree with you Glen, being in need lets you act differently than if you didn’t care about getting something out of the situation, when i become needy i act irrationally while when i act without being in need i usually perform the best!

Each word you have written is very much expressive. I just find myself in your writing. I am really enlightened. The main reason of our anxiety is all about our negative approach and prejudgment. If we can excel ourselves and think positively (what you have already told eloquently) then we can entirely enjoy our life.

I’ve spent the last evening with a beautiful girl. And before we met, I’d promised myself not to make a plan – something like kiss her by all means, make an impression and so on, but just stay who I am. And as a result I’ve spent splendid time, and so did she, I may hope.

To echo all of the other comments, I too love this article. It seems something that is so tied in with our egos. The ego which cares about itself first and what it can gain from any situation.

The sooner we can let go of the importance of outcome, our fear of failure and just accept whatever the outcome becomes, the sooner we become de-stressed and enable greater joy in every one of our daily experiences.

As a touring professional golfer I know all too well the importance of mental attitude in attaining goals and achieving results on tour. Admittedly, amid physical and technical swing changes, it is something I have struggled greatly with over the last couple of years.

My most successful year was about 3 years ago. Leading up to that year I had developed some of my own personal views and philosophies to my approach to the game and life in general and out of that came one main philosophy….

Any person who has attained the highest of achievement in their chosen field (be it sports, music, anything…) there has been countless hours applied in practice and effort to get to where we are today. With that amount of time and effort spent, we reach a level of physical ability that enables us to achieve the desired tasks, almost without thought. In fact, it is only without thought that we can truly excel.

With regard to golf, it means that we have practiced pretty much every shot imaginable, to the point where we can play it effectively. With that being the case, it doesn’t matter if we hit the ball next to the flag, or not. If we miss the green, we can play any shot that is necessary to at least get up-and-down to save par, or to even hole the shot. With this in mind…..

If we can play any shot that is required, then there should be no concern for outcome ….no consequences for the shot we are about to play.

If there are no consequences, there is no fear. If there is no fear, there is no anxiety. If there is no anxiety, there is no tension. ….now we have licence to enjoy the next shot with the greatest of freedom and relaxation.

On that note, it seems I need to take my own advice and get back to where I was a few years ago. It is also why I subscribe to blogs such as this one. Because they can help keep us on track when we might find it difficult staying there by ourselves.