The sooner we can let go of the importance of outcome, our fear of failure and just accept whatever the outcome becomes, the sooner we become de-stressed and enable greater joy in every one of our daily experiences.

As a touring professional golfer I know all too well the importance of mental attitude in attaining goals and achieving results on tour. Admittedly, amid physical and technical swing changes, it is something I have struggled greatly with over the last couple of years.

My most successful year was about 3 years ago. Leading up to that year I had developed some of my own personal views and philosophies to my approach to the game and life in general and out of that came one main philosophy….

Any person who has attained the highest of achievement in their chosen field (be it sports, music, anything…) there has been countless hours applied in practice and effort to get to where we are today. With that amount of time and effort spent, we reach a level of physical ability that enables us to achieve the desired tasks, almost without thought. In fact, it is only without thought that we can truly excel.

With regard to golf, it means that we have practiced pretty much every shot imaginable, to the point where we can play it effectively. With that being the case, it doesn’t matter if we hit the ball next to the flag, or not. If we miss the green, we can play any shot that is necessary to at least get up-and-down to save par, or to even hole the shot. With this in mind…..

If we can play any shot that is required, then there should be no concern for outcome ….no consequences for the shot we are about to play.

If there are no consequences, there is no fear. If there is no fear, there is no anxiety. If there is no anxiety, there is no tension. ….now we have licence to enjoy the next shot with the greatest of freedom and relaxation.

On that note, it seems I need to take my own advice and get back to where I was a few years ago. It is also why I subscribe to blogs such as this one. Because they can help keep us on track when we might find it difficult staying there by ourselves.

What you are describing has an analog in cognitive therapy. It requires first identifying what the practice terms a “negative thought” and then articulating it. At that point, the client is then supported to “challenge” the thought.

So in the example, the thought might be: “I need these girls to like me,” or “Bad things will happen if these girls don’t go home with me” or something like that. The challenge is then something based on rationality. “Would your life change that much if these girls don’t talk to you?” Often articulating the thought accurately exposes the absurdity in it (making sure not to make the client feel absurd themselves) allowing clients to more easily release from it, or challenge it with new behavior.

Taking it larger might be challenging a more general thought like “I always need girls who I approach to like me” with something like “Is it realistic to require everyone in the world to like you?”

I’m NOT a therapist (nor have I experienced cognitive therapy directly) – just an academic Psych background – so if I’m misrepresenting, please (anyone) feel free to clarify.

What I can say is that this kind of cognitive work takes skill and training (for lack of better words). Speaking and articulating thoughts to yourself that actually have an impact on your pscyho-physiological system that is inline with what you are attempting to do in the situation (lessen anxiety, let go of the outcome) is much easier for some than others. Sometimes, one must work up to being able to do this.

The flipside manifests in those who are acutely open to their own cognitions, who can fall into the trap of turning this letting-go process into something they are trying to get! “Oh shit – don’t try to get, don’t try to get. Let go, let go – let go dammit!”
:O
Things like mediation/exercise/breath control go a long way towards staying balanced/grounded in this process

I find gold in those who can say something (to me, to others) that somehow releases us from the thought/mindset that is causing the trouble without actually saying anything about what I’m thinking, or without addressing my mindset whatsoever. Such people have a gift.

Anyway – just some thoughts. Again thanks for the post!
Chris