Do You Make This Vital Personal Growth Mistake?
Glen / 
24 Comments / 
April 2nd, 2009 / 
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I’m currently working to improve many aspects of my life, from my income and my health to things like my level of peace and even my writing ability. I’m sure that if you’re a regular reader of this site, there are also areas of your life that you are working to improve as well.
This site is, of course, about Personal Development / Growth, so today I wanted to touch upon a vital mistake you might already be making that is hindering your potential. A mistake that could cost you dearly in the long run as the results aren’t always irreversible.
The Mistake
The mistake is actually very common, so if you realise you’ve been making it, don’t panic. Your realisation is the most important step. This mistake is something I had been making up until I had to spend 5 days in a hospital bed in a foreign country which really gave me a wakeup call.
The mistake is this: living in reaction rather than living proactively.
Let me give you some examples…
Proactive would be looking to increase your sufficient income to something greater, rather than having a financial crisis occur and leave you scrounging around for cash (reactive).
Proactive would be eating healthily and staying in shape, rather than needing a doctor to tell you your health is deteriorating quickly and using that as motivation to get fit (reactive).
Proactive would be learning how to stay positive and control your emotions, rather than allowing an emotionally charged event like divorce or something else to literally tear you apart (reactive).
This isn’t about preparing for negativity in the future, this is about working on areas of life that are important to you, some of which we don’t realise till it’s too late.
Rectifying the Mistake
Hopefully the examples above have opened your eyes to some areas of your life where you may be totally living in reaction, or at least in the perfect position for disaster to happen. It wasn’t until I finished my second year of college that I realised I had just wasted 2 years doing courses I really couldn’t stand.
Thankfully, I didn’t decide to say on for a third year, I moved across the world in pursuit of my dream job and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Know the Most Important Aspects of Your Life – For me, the most important aspects of my life right now are health, confidence and income. To you it might be some of the same or include the likes of learning a new skill or even becoming fluent in a new language. Everyone’s answers will be different, but as long as you know what is important to you, that is the main thing.
Work Out How You’ll Improve – Now that you know what is important to you, it’s important to know how you’ll work on that area. My health is important to me so I realised that I need to start eating a better diet and start going to the gym. I also want to improve my finances so I’ve been looking for new ways to expand on my current income. Decide what it is that you want to improve on, and outline exactly how you’ll improve in this area.
Allocate Time to Get Things Done – If you just hope that certain items or events will just ‘fit’ into your schedule then you’ll get a harsh surprise somewhere along the line. It takes around 3-4 weeks for an action to become a natural habit, so allocate some space each day or at a certain time of the week to work on each of the items in your list.
I go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and make sure that on Wednesdays I don’t work out my legs as I have public speaking classes on the same day – I tend to need a big rest after leg workouts.
Do you make this crucial mistake? How are you going to live more proactively?
Some people are not as fortunate in that they don’t even get the opportunity to decide what areas of their life they want to work on. Whether it be a terminal illness or an emotional situation that has led to suicide, for some it is ‘too late’. Don’t wait for life to come to you, it never will; you must make things happen yourself.
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Hi Glen,
Yes, I have certainly made that mistake. I do still sometimes get so worked up that it’s almost like I’m defending myself from my goals. When I’m starting to see them as obligations, I know I’ve lost my way.
Often all it takes is just to take five minutes and STOP, and ask myself what’s truly important. I actually wrote about that very thing a few days ago. I think you might appreciate it.
Great blog, BTW.
Hey David, thanks for the kind words and link, I’ll check it out. Taking a moment to collect yourself is a good idea.
Hi, Glen!
In general, I agree that it’s better to be proactive than reactive. But it kind of got me thinking that there is a fine line between being proactive (go ahead and take care of it before it becomes a problem) and not living in the moment (“It is possible this could happen in the future, so I’d better…”)
When we are making our decisions based on future possibilities, the What IFs in life, we can lose track of what actually IS, what we actually have NOW.
Just thinking aloud here… sharing my initial thought process.
Hi Lisis, it sounds like you are mistaking living in the moment and having goals, something I did myself. It’s completely fine and natural to have goals, just know when to think / deal with them and when it is not an appropriate time. If you’re walking through the woods, be in the woods, enjoy the nature and don’t stress about your weight.
But when you have time, sit down and make your plan, and put your focus completely on that.
Hi Glen, Hi Lisis,
I agree that blind pursuit of our goals can prevent us from enjoying the journey – and often, the rewards of success at the finish line. I think the balance is in enjoying each day as it comes, experiencing our individual journey and that of those around us (after all, they’re part of it).
However, the balance is in planning, setting goals and moving towards the direction in life we’ve mapped out. Tony Robbins is well known for saying “Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.” I’ve seen this countless times in my life where if I wasnt’ prepared (moving towards my goals), the opportunity would have passed me by. At the same time, success wouldn’t have tasted so sweet if I didn’t take the time to enjoy the journey and WHO I had become along the way.
Just some random thoughts.
Yes this could be a common mistake for many people. I am learning to be procactive, as are you. Each day brings new opportunities to practice. Thanks for this article.
You’re welcome Dennis!
Glen,
Not only must the action be repeated to become habit, but ensuring that there is time in the day to make it a habitual action is critical. I have found that when I am attempting to create a new habit, if I do not allot time for it before I begin, then I can easily find excuses not to practice it regularly.
Due to the way my life has transpired thus far, I find that confidence is one of the items that is on my list as well. What do you practice daily to maintain a healthy level of confidence?
Hey Ian, thanks for the comment.
In a way I’m glad you asked that, because I’m doing a post on it soon. I’ve created what is called a ’21 day neurolgy’ challenge. Basically the premise is that it takes around 21 days for neural pathways to form.
So for example if I tell you to think of a Dog now, some picture will come into your head. It will probably look like a dog you see a lot or how you are conditioned to believe dogs look. Over time you could train your mind (around 21 days) to think of something else.
So for now I’ll see that I’m using brain pathways + visualization in order to work on the confidence aspect. I’m on day 5 so far so still a while left
This article came literally after I had a night where I made this exact determination. About the need to be proactive, active, and that as men true masculinity embodies this action of moving forward based on your action rather than based on response to stimuli. Great timing, and a well-written article.
Hey Auren, I’m glad that you found it useful. Thanks a lot for your comment!
Yes, the 1st habit! This word has been so distorted in a business sense to mean something it’s not. It basically means, take ownership and control of your life! Do not let other people dictate or define it, it is yours!
Hi Glen,
It is important to be proactive but I would not dismiss the importance of mistakes. A mistake is only bad if you don’t learn from it. Sometimes we need to make mistakes in order to grow or to see life from another perspective. Your example of how you came to realize that going to college was not for you was not a mistake. I know you know this but I think people sometimes are too afraid of making a mistake that they end up not doing anything!
As I read this I thought of the relationship between reactive and scarcity, as compared to proactive and abundance. There is a strong kinship here that seems to work like this; when we are reactive we are either in scarcity mode or moving toward it. When we are being proactive, we are not necessarily in an abundance mindset, but it certainly encourages us in that direction. One thing is clear, we must be proactive to establish a mindset of true abundance.
Glen,
Good post. The difference between proactive and reactive is subtle, yet striking: both types of people are busy, but proactive people are the only ones who ever seem to get anything done.
Thanks Glen for another excellent article. Proactive behavior is indeed a very important factor in life success.
Boy was I guilty of being reactive to the one below. I hope your readers don’t make the same mistake I did.
“Proactive would be eating healthily and staying in shape, rather than needing a doctor to tell you your health is deteriorating quickly and using that as motivation to get fit (reactive).”
Haha I was exactly the same, probably not in a similar way. Thanks for your comment Stephen!
There are 3 kinds of people:
1. Those who make things happen,
2. Those who watch things happen, and
3. Those who ask, “What happened?”
Who do you wanna be? I choose to make things happen.
Cheers~
Mark
Hey Mark I like that. I know a few number 3′s
You might like this one:
There are two types of people in this world. Those that believe that are two types of people, and those that don’t.
Cheers
Hi Glen,
Being proactive will transfer more power into our own hand and we will be able to make more things happen.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
So many people live reactively rather than proactively and are not even aware of it. This post really brings this critical issue to light and shows us all how we can make the switch to a proactive lifestyle. I particularly like the concept of knowing what’s most important in life. Amid the everyday living, picking out and focusing on the important things can get lost. Great advice!
solid stuff.
proactive vs. reactive on my list of to-write articles. so important.
i think sometimes it’s not easy to know how you’ll improve but, as you say in the first step, know the most important parts of your life and the how will sort itself out. just take action with the allocated time and the how – which often seems a complete mystery – works itself out.
respect-o-mundo