Note from Glen: Today is very special because not only is this the first ever guest post on PluginID (we’re not accepting any more), but it’s also the birthday of Diggy who writes about Self Improvement and travels the world with me.
Out of all the things that stop you from reaching your dreams and being successful, could it be possible that you yourself are the single biggest obstacle? It sounds paradoxical, I know. Why on earth would you want to prevent yourself from reaching your own goals or even sabotage yourself to such a degree that you fail?
Up until a few months ago I had the belief that you were unable to work on your own personality. You are who you are and that is that. Little did I know that you can consciously change your habits and thought processes. On my journey, I have discovered many helpful techniques like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and The Sedona Method, among others, which you can use to help you ‘program’ your personality.
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” – Buddha
On my own site, I recently talked about how about the mind consists of two parts: a sub-conscious mind and a conscious mind. The conscious mind is our active thoughts and in-turn this programs the sub-conscious mind. In essence, we become whatever we actively think and repeat in our minds. Our sub-conscious minds are a guidance system that obey whatever commands and habits are programmed into it. Thus, if you repeat to yourself “I am not enough”, “I don’t deserve this”, “I’ll never be successful”, “Girls don’t like me”, “I’ll always be fat”, what do you think is going to happen?
Yes, you guessed it; your sub-conscious mind will obey these negative commands that you have programmed into it. Your own mind will sabotage your dreams and success because you have the firm belief that you do not deserve it or that you are not good enough.
Some of you may have heard of the above concept before. Others, like me, may have read about it but never really took it to heart. I had many self-limiting beliefs built up over my life and still have a couple that I’m working on to get rid of.
Throughout school, I would get marks of around 70-80% for my subjects. Some a little higher than others. I came to believe that I was not capable of more, and thus stopped trying to get higher grades. The result was that I always got 70-80% for every single year of school.
For many years I had the belief that I was not enough to attract with gorgeous girls or have a model-type girl as my girlfriend. This stopped me from even trying to get one and had me accepting that it was how I would go through life.
These days, I have completely turned around the above self-sabotaging beliefs and I’m happy to say are no longer a problem.
What About You?
What about you? Do you have any self-limiting beliefs? Any sabotaging thoughts?
The best way to find out is to make a list.
Divide a piece of paper into two columns. On the left (with bullet points or a list format) write down what you think would make you happy i.e. your goals and your definition of success. This may be money, friends, girls, health or anything else. Write down all your goals and the things that you would like to have in your life.
In the column next to it, for every point you wrote down, truthfully write down if you think you are enough and deserve to have that thing in your life. Choose from either Yes or Maybe. Yes is if there is not a doubt in your mind that you are able to get what you want, and that you deserve it 100%. Maybe is if you have doubts, if you are not sure if you are good enough, or if you will ever achieve it.
The Maybe points are the ones that require some attention. These are the ones that need positive thinking and a change in your belief about it. You may need to think about it, analyze it, write about it or even go out and get more experience to be able to change your belief. What is important is that you stop re-affirming your doubts and self-limiting beliefs. Do not repeat it to yourself anymore. That is step 1.
Let’s take for example my self-limiting belief I had that I was not enough to get a gorgeous girl. I chose this one because I know many people all over the world have this same belief.
Step 1 is to stop re-affirming that belief. It is no longer true until proven. This might sound simple or “woo woo,” but it’s very powerful.
Step 2 is to do everything possible to test that belief. Go out and approach 20 beautiful girls a night, 6 days a week, every week of the year. Read, study, make friends with guys who are good with girls. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes courage. You will fail, you will make a fool of yourself, you will learn, you will get better.
But, just like me, you will probably see that your sabotaging belief was just that – a belief. It’s not true and you can push past it.
Remember…
The mind is everything. What you think you become.” – Buddha
We are all in control of who we become. Our personalities are not necessarily the ones we are born with. We are merely the sum of all our experiences. These experiences have led us to create habits and beliefs. Not all of those habits and beliefs are positive. That is why it is good to become aware of the fact that you have the power to change your negative and self-limiting beliefs.
Anything that your heart really desires is what you are capable of achieving. You are enough. Stop sabotaging yourself. Make the list I mentioned in the post and start making changes in your beliefs today. Aim to change one belief at a time, and focus your energy and effort on it.
Diggy writes over at Upgrade Reality and I personally can’t recommend his site highly enough. If you aren’t subscribed to his feed then you’re missing out.
Not only it could be possible, it is the only obstacle that there is.
I’d add Natural Brilliance from Learning Strategies to the list as a technique that greatly helps control and supress negative confirmations.
Hey Lucy,
Thanks for the suggestion. I haven’t heard of that but will definitely check it out.
Happy Birthday Diggy!
I have also believed for long years that we cannot always change ourselves, however, I have also found out that with hard work and concentration, we can re-program ourselves.. and results are real.
I have found that we need to be persistent with our thoughts, they have a real effect on our self-image
Have a nice birthday,
Zoli
Hi Zee-man,
Thanks for the comment, much appreciated!
Heya Glen
Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Exactly 2 weeks until Amsterdam
Thanks for allowing me to guest post on PluginID, I hope your readers enjoy the post!
Until soon!
Diggy
One week dude, I get depressed when I read your numbers
I’m sure they will.
Great post Diggy – you are right, I think we are often our own worst enemy. Just this morning I caught myself running a limiting belief, and looking for evidence that it was true! Until I caught myself!
A good reminder that we can achieve anything, if we get ourselves out if the way!
Thanks Diggy and have an awesome birthday!
Jen
Nice work Diggy. This has to be one of my favourite things you’ve written. I love how you explain the effect of your thoughts in such a practical way compared to a lot of the meta-physical, “the universe will give you what you want” type baloney.
I agree,
Nice to see Diggy on his best form when writing for another site
Happy Bday, Diggy! It’s great to see you over here. I really enjoyed this post because I really do believe people sabotage themselves without realizing it. Great post!!
So think happy and you will be happy?
hum…how to block the outside negative world. now there’s a
learned process…
thanks for the blog post…incredible.
Happy Birthday!
All I can add is that, this really does take work! I’ve been trying to knock back my self-sabotaging thoughts for a while now and it can get pretty draining when the same ones crop up again and again, though I hope I’m making some headway. I’m certainly doing what I want regardless of the thoughts, anyhow.
Thanks for the reminder!
This concept had been tucked at the far shores of my mind for awhile now, and reading this helped me remember it again, so thanks! I like reading stuff like this because it reinforces the kind of reality I want for myself.
~Miggy
Love this post and it speaks a great truth. When we can simply challenge our thinking, question it, and bring it out into the light…it is then we can transform it, see that it is most likely not even true…and we can move beyond it.
Thanks again!
Dayne
Happy Bday, Diggy. Your writing style compliments Glen’s very well. Hard to believe you doubted you could pull in the hot chicks. They must be lucky you changed your beliefs. Just save some for Glen.
Diggy – First of all happy b-day.
Second – I think you’re really on to something here. I do fully believe that each and every one of us is born with a unique personality and skill set…the problem is our life experiences have a significant impact on what we think. A lot of people are lost don’t even know what they’re natural strengths are because they never had a chance to develop them. Maybe they’re on a traditional path on their lives, or maybe somebody told them they weren’t good enough. Whatever it is, it comes down to negative conditioning of the ego.
I like your recommendation of writing this stuff down. Once we do that and get it on paper we can really start to analyze some of our fears and self-doubts and truly question them.
Great post as usual, Diggy. The power of positive thinking is truly amazing. I’ve changed so much in the last two years that I almost don’t recognize who I used to be. I was incredibly shy, never stood up for myself, and was not confident in myself at all. I still remember the day where I decided to turn things around. It started with a conscious decision to change my thinking habits. Once again, nice post my friend and hope you have a great birthday
This couldn’t have come to my inbox at a better time! I’m partway through writing my book for artists (What they didn’t teach in art school…) and just hired a coach to help me reach the finish line.
Hiring the coach brought up these crazy thoughts – “OMG, I’m really going to do this. Can I do this? Who the hell am I to think I can do this? I’m just a nobody…..” yadda yadda yadda.
I loved this post. I already knew all this, I’m a success book junkie, but I needed this reminding, in a different voice.
Thank you!
mind is really powerful. BE-do-have is the way. good post
Glen,
I agree with you. I learned this lesson the hard way losing my last match against a kid that I was beating. My subconscious was did not believe that I could pull this win off so I got to excited and gung-ho that I got careless and ended up losing.
It’s one thing to prepare for success.
It a completely different thing to BE prepared for that success when it hits.
Vince
Oopps! Sorry I meant Diggy!
Happy birthday btw!
I can really relate to having to overcome self limiting beliefs. I suffered through major depression and at my lowest point I had absolutely no belief in myself. It’s difficult to overcome self limiting beliefs but it can be done. Now I am more confident than ever, and going through that rough time in my life has made me stronger. Anyone can develop an unshakable self confidence, be yourself and don’t listen to people who try to put you down.
Top form, Diggy! I think it’s my favorite post of yours that I’ve read.
Happy birthday, man! Have fun living it up in Amsterdam once you get there.. Should be glory times.
Hey Glen:
Great article. I agree with all that you say. Yet, however sad it might be, most people who read this well continue on with their own ways.
The problem is that most people are not aware of their own negative thinking. Sure, most of us notice when we meet negative people who constantly nag, complain, whine and are in general a pain in the neck. However, rarely if ever we see ourselves in the same light.
Path to changing yourself is started by being aware of your own limiting beliefs and thoughts. Only then, the real work can be begin. I have write much about this very issue.
Also, changing a habit is hard work. Moreover, changing yourself is many times more difficult. It takes a lot of time and effort.
My recommendation to changing yourself is to change the environment in which you are in. (Like the example of being around guys who are good with girls). That is a good start. After that comes practice. It does not matter how many times you will see other guys be successful with women. If you do not try it for yourself, you will never overcome that limit belief yourself.
Thank you for such a great article.
Best,
Tomas
Thanks for all the wonderful comments and birthday wishes
I had a great day and it is a pleasure to hear that you enjoyed the article.
Peace
Diggy
It’s really *fucked* up that I fell so motivated after reading this great post, only to return back to my old thoughts and ways. I’ve tried to push myself, but I don’t know, maybe its because of my current life sitiation, but I’m just not grasping the self improvement the way I need to. I hear your points Digs and I agree with you fully, to a certain extent people may think that I’m negative but I try hard not to be, infact I’m not negative, but after motivating myself I return back to the old limiting self, I get demotivated of trying so hard and things not working out, and life kikcing you even when you are down. At the moment I belive that life is what it should be, the stage I’m at is where I need to be so that I can learn and move on in life even though it looks like I’m not getting anywhere. Hey you guys enjoy your time in the WEED Capital city. Big ups, nice post Giggy.
magic magic magic
awwwwwsomeness.
full next level. massive improvement in your writing. true story.
happy bday again
saturday
hahaha.
i’ll bring my chicka
Hey Diggy,
If we give ourselves permission to be awesome, we can be whoever we want.
It’s free to imagine, so why not go nuts? Are you an introvert but want to meet gorgeous ladies? Just picture yourself doing it, chatting up and forming real connections. Feet stiff as boards but want to boogie down? Imagine yourself tearing up the dance floor.
It costs nothing, and no one can physically stop you from dreaming, so just go for it. For many, like you mentioned, this is often the most difficult step. Society, family and peers have driven a certain you into your mind so much that you don’t even give yourself permission to imagine – it’s too far fetched from your reality, like someone telling you the grass is blue.
But if you just push past that psychological wall, and don’t let such weak forces control you, you break through and achieve the first crucial step towards being how you truly want to be.
I wrote more about giving yourself permission to be awesome and how to do it (hope me linking to this article isn’t spammy – just thought it might be relevant and helpful to the topic).
Great article. Happy b-day, enjoy your Amsterdam stay, and keep giving yourself permission to be even more awesome,
Oleg
Since you used getting a gorgeous girl as an example, I have a friend who’s just the perfect candidate for this post (since he’s been chasing model-type girls since 2002 until now – still no luck).
Cheers,
GOod post Diggy – self-limiting beleifs have got to be the biggest battle we all have. And it is not a battle you only need to win once – they will always creep back in!
Happy Birthday.
Great post. Sometimes we really are our biggest obstacle and it is easy to get in our own way. I think we have to constantly be on the lookout for these things that are actually working against us. I read somewhere it was like weeding a garden. We have to continually focus on creating the ideal environment and remove those things that are holding us back. Thanks for the insightful post.
“you can consciously change your habits and thought processes.”
Well put.
I’d like to hear more on your personal journey of how EFT and Sedona Method has changed you. I have tried EFT to change my ADD habits, my mind jumping, negative thought process but has not worked. Also have you heard the Lefkoe Method or this new tapping http://www.pstec.org/
Yes, I do agree with Toto that self-improvement reading makes you feel hopeful until you are faced in reality with the problem and go back to your old habits. The anxiety, nervousness, fear takes over. So how how do you change?
Hey Diggy,
I always believe that our beliefs shape our reality. Our mind also seek out evidences to support our beliefs regardless of whether our beliefs are good or bad. So choosing to believe in something positive is definitely a better choice.
Cheers,
Vincent
Hi Diggy!
I found your post to be very insightful.
I believe that people sabotage themselves because they are much more afraid of success than they are of failure and unconsciously make it difficult for themselves to embrace their “greatness”. Failure is so much more familiar to us as we have spent years building internal resources for dealing with and recovering from our failures. Success, however, is all about the “unknown”.
Each of us runs our life with an internal set of decision-making strategies that – when programmed ineffectively – will cause us to make the same type of bad decisions over and over and over again. For example, are you experiencing the same destructive relationship over and over – just with different faces, each with a different name? Are you experiencing the same dissatisfying career choice over and over again – just with different companies, each with a different name?
While you can’t change the past, you can create new, more effective internal decision-making strategies that will allow you to make different and more effective decisions about the choices you face each day. Creating new, more effective decision-making strategies will also help you to respond to the events that occur in your life in a healthier, more constructive manner.
Figure out what you really want your life to look like and reprogram your mind with decision-making strategies that are in alignment with moving you easily and naturally toward that life!
Thanks again for your insightful post.
Troyann