How to Get Someone or Something, Off Your Mind
Glen / 
35 Comments / 
November 27th, 2008 / 
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I was chatting to a friend of mine today and she wanted some advice on how to forget someone after a relationship breakup. There was often times in the past where I wanted to forget about something (or someone) so I had a few suggestions, the better ones being ecky-focused.
It got me thinking of all my ‘techniques’ and ideas on how to get something off your mind, and how as a population this is something that we want to do at one time or another. If you have any questions after reading this, feel free to ask in the comments below.
The Problem
I hate the word ‘problem’, it implies there is something negative that we need to deal with and it has the potential to weigh us down. I much prefer the Echkart style thinking, ‘either deal with it, or forget about it’. However, using the word is probably the best way to get the point across.
The problem is that we get bogged down by our own problems, by our own stories, and we think about them non-stop. They can be so annoying that we would do anything to deal with them and get them out of the way, they can be so annoying that we’ll literally do anything to forget about them. When it comes to wanting to get something off our mind, that can also be a problem. Having something constantly in our heads weighs us down; but looking at problems on the other side of the scale:
- They give us something to identify ourselves with (victim mentality)
- They give us an excuse not to move on
- They give us a rationalisation as to why things aren’t better
Although we hate our problems, we love them at the same time. I’m not saying we all wake up and think ‘Woohoo, I have a problem today’, of course not. Sub-consciously however, all of the bullet-points above are true, our problems are our stories, and I’m going to tell you exactly what I mean by that.
You are not your story
Just like I made clear that you are not your mind, you definitely aren’t your story. Your story could be anything, after-all…it is ‘yours’. A few examples:
- How a past relationship has made you scared of new ones
- How a poor upbringing has ruined your future
- How your lack of intelligence means you can’t make money
- How your life situation is holding you back
Everyone has their story, just some people have learned to disconnect with theirs, they realise it doesn’t make them who they are. They realise their story doesn’t determine their future. My story? I dropped out of college, I worked in a crappy clothes store for 2 years and I have no decent education. Did that stop me? Hell no!
Move on, do something different. I worked hard becoming the best internet marketer I could be for over 3 years and now I’m in a great position, not far from working for myself full-time. Do you know that many top CEO’s in the UK don’t even have a college education (and college in the UK is a lower level than that in America), I’m serious.
Getting it off your mind
So now we’re clear, the problem is that we connect to our problems and identify ourselves with them. However, we aren’t our problems because in reality, problems are just an illusion. Something is only a problem if we make it a problem. How refreshing is that?
Now the problem I’m referring to here is not being able to stop thinking about something, not being able to get something out of your head. How crazy is that, we can’t stop thinking about something, our mind has taken over our desires…or has it.
1. Disconnect from your story - if you believe that the current situation you find yourself in is ‘who you are’ then you are never going to be free of problems. Simply because you identify with them, you see them as your source and therefore they are the source of your pain. I don’t have great college grades, but does that make me an unintelligent (yes, it’s word) person?
As soon as you realise that you are not your story or your life situation, you will start to see that there is a whole world out there, filled with reality-changing opportunities just waiting for you to go and grab them with both hands.
Some of us like our stories, they give us something to connect with and identify with. If you take away a persons story then what is left? In my opinion, point 3…total acceptance.
2. Decide if you want to be free - you may think I’m crazy, but sub-consciously we don’t want to disconnect from our problems, after-all, they are our story. You have to decide whether you want to be free from your incessant mind activity or you are holding on to it because, as said earlier, it is giving you an excuse to stay set in our ways.
Our problems, in a way, can actually make our lives easier. They stop us pushing for anything different because we believe they hold us back and we can’t amount to anything greater. Connect to your core, find out if you really do want to move on and forget about that someone or something, because if you don’t then it is never going to happen.
3. Accept what is - if you are constantly battling to get something off your mind, then you are constantly battling with yourself, and that’s not fun. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t try and grow or change as a person; it just means you don’t resist the situation that is happening at this very moment. If you are thinking about something, allow it to be, don’t resist it.
Magically, or not, your thoughts and attitude will change. The thing that has been bugging you so much will disappear. Why? Because you accept that it is bugging you and don’t let it hold you back, you accept you are being ‘bugged’ and move on. Think about what or who is bugging you, because it is actually you. As soon as you resist the present moment, the now, then that is when your problems come back.
Still don’t believe that problems are an illusion?
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious! :)
I can relate in to your friend problem. I kept thinking of something and someone I don’t want to think mostly at bed times. It gives me hard times in sleeping. Thanks for the tips. Hope it can help.
Thank you and keep it up
Hey Diana, thanks for the comment. Let me know how you get on!
Wow, this was a really well done post and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m in the middle of a divorce and am dealing with some personal situations all around. Reading something like this was an inspiration and a pick me up. Thank you.
Hi Mike, I thank you so much for the comment. It’s ones that like that keep me going. I’m sure you’ll get through your divorce and come out stronger on the other side!
Cheers,
Glen
I’m impatient with myself and so want to feel better NOW, by doing this I overlooked that actually, it is ok to feel hurt!
Acceptance of the situation has been difficult, I always thought I was stronger than the emotions I was feeling and so fought them - trying to convince myself that I was ok… of course this tactic didn’t work very well.
So in taking your advice, I decided to disconnect from this story and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders - and an added bonus - I’m not so angry with myself for not being over this - it’s ok to feel hurt over a breakup, it’s not ok to make that hurt the excuse for not moving forward…
Thanks Glen! I owe you one…
You’re welcome chubz, thanks for the being the inspiration for a post:
I was chatting to a friend of mine today and she wanted some advice on how to forget someone after a relationship breakup.
Glen,
Very true, “you are what you think about all day long” I have experimented with your philosophy many times and it works every time! the wonderful thing abut the strange human being is that we have free will to choose. You choose your own thoughts. I wonder if anyone can present an argument against that?
Great stuff Glen! Finally… Truth about the inner conflicts which affect so many people, my partner included! I tell him to leave the past behind and live fully in the present, but he seems to prefer being the victim of his younger years. Instead of accepting the ‘problems’ he’s suffered in the past and using the knowledge gained from the experiences to give him a greater appreciation of his life currently, he remains focused on the pain and insecurities of previous years.
When we talk about the past, I remind him that we ALL have experiences which may not have been the best at the time, however, having gone through these experiences and over-come them, life is much sweeter. The past has shaped us into who we are today and we have the choice to embrace that or continue to be a victim.
Thanks for explaining this so clearly and concisely; my hope is that I can steer my partner away from his past and into a bright and shiny present!
THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS…CHOOSE THE GOOD ONES!
http://www.tut.com
Nameste!
Nicely written and deep sooooo easier said than done! lol
Hey harley, thanks for the comment. Funnily, this was the last sentence in a blog post last week:
If you think I make it sound simple, then first tell me why you are making it so difficult.
Sadly, nobody has given me a response to that yet
Glen:
You’ve done it again - another great writing. You are so right in how people do identify themselves with their problems and issues. We’ve all done it at one time or another. Trick is to not do it for too long. However, I don’t believe that this identifies who they are; anymore than identifying yourself or someone else by their paycheck (its amount). I’ve seen this many, many times over. And so it goes that; life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% is how you react to it. This is your attitude towards it. This is what you are in charge of. It is a choice.
I really like your writing style. Keep up the good work.
Hi Glen,
I read your previous post about selling and buying this site back, and I guess when I first found it, it wasn’t yours and I didn’t come back very much. It sure feels different now.
Great post, especially about disconnecting from your story, and perhaps re-writing your story exactly how you want it to happen next time? I’m starting to believe in this Law of Attraction stuff.
Have subscribed to your feed and am off to Stumble this post now. Look forward to more posts from you!
Daphne
Hey Daphne, nobody had actually wrote on the site, I had just been absent for a while (or at least that’s how it looked).
Thanks for stopping by
Great post Glen - I especially love how you make it clear that people are responsible for the choices they make.
No one can completely control external situations, but we can control our reactions to them and in so doing control our future actions and attitudes - and it’s all done through choice.
Wow tank you so much, that really helped me alot ive been trying to forget about this girl who i just let pretty much walk all over me and we have gotten in numerous fights and i have been heart broken about it and trying to fix it but i just cant accept that we can never make it work. And i just wont let go but the thing is that she is a B*&@h to me but always ends up wanting me back but i cant let go and accept it and this really helped me forget and accept that it wont work out and we are two completely different people. thank you thank you!
-conor
btw im 16 yrs old hahaha
You are welcome Conor, I’m really glad this has helped you. Girls can be like that at your age ;), although I’m only 3 years older myself.
Stick around!
Cheers,
Glen
thank you so muuch you are amazing it was right in front of my face the whole time!!
Hi,
One of the things I teach clients is something I learned years ago. I don’t remember who the author is but it goes like this:
I bless you
I release you
I set you free
I allow you to be you
And me to be me!
Keep repeating every time your thoughts go on this person.
Great blog post.
Tess
Glennie this is probably the greatest advice anyone has ever given me, i felt so much lighter after reading it. I’m gonna take this in2 account every time I’m faced with a difficulty. Thanks again xxxx
i listen to music to get stuff off my mind
I met a person 2 years ago when was a security officer. one night i was making my rounds and our paths crossed my mind got messed up
the last time i saw this person my soul have not been the same since.
i can not get this person off my mind. this person today is over seas.
tears fall from my eyes when i think about this person. tell how can i get this!!
Hi David, here is a little exercise for you that I’ve found to be very useful. It sounds like you are in a scarcity mindset i.e. not understanding there are millions more partners out there that you can meet, and enjoy life with.
First of all, focus on the negative strongly, picture this person in your mind
1. Ask yourself “Could I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
2. Ask yourself “Would I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
3. Ask “When?”
See how you feel about it afterwards, repeat until necessary
This site is amazing. Do you do or would you consider doing motivational speaking?
Thank you Silver. It’s definitely something I want to do in the future, I joined a speaking club last month so I’m constantly trying to improve in this area
What is the mentality u have everyday ?
I don’t really have a mentality if I think about it. Simply that I am enough, and this is life. Make the most of it
Lately I’ve been cleaning up and “disconnecting” from my story. I realized that it takes more energy to be negative and make excuses for everything that I cannot do or be. Nowadays I feel more at peace. Stumbling onto this post reaffirmed that I am on the right track. Great post Glen!
I really loved this post. It made me wake up about something. How can I share it on twitter?? I just put the link to this page right?
Hey Carolina,
The last sentence in the post has a link to twitter, if that doesn’t work try clicking here
I am so glad I found this link. It makes so much sense, why didn’t I think of this before, lol. Oh I know I was bugged…hoping to be bug free soon…:)