How to Get Someone or Something, Off Your Mind
Glen / 
57 Comments / 
November 27th, 2008 / 
Subscribe via RSS
I was chatting to a friend of mine today and she wanted some advice on how to forget someone after a relationship breakup. There was often times in the past where I wanted to forget about something (or someone) so I had a few suggestions, the better ones being ecky-focused.
It got me thinking of all my ‘techniques’ and ideas on how to get something off your mind, and how as a population this is something that we want to do at one time or another. If you have any questions after reading this, feel free to ask in the comments below.
The Problem
I hate the word ‘problem’, it implies there is something negative that we need to deal with and it has the potential to weigh us down. I much prefer the Echkart style thinking, ‘either deal with it, or forget about it’. However, using the word is probably the best way to get the point across.
The problem is that we get bogged down by our own problems, by our own stories, and we think about them non-stop. They can be so annoying that we would do anything to deal with them and get them out of the way, they can be so annoying that we’ll literally do anything to forget about them. When it comes to wanting to get something off our mind, that can also be a problem. Having something constantly in our heads weighs us down; but looking at problems on the other side of the scale:
- They give us something to identify ourselves with (victim mentality)
- They give us an excuse not to move on
- They give us a rationalisation as to why things aren’t better
Although we hate our problems, we love them at the same time. I’m not saying we all wake up and think ‘Woohoo, I have a problem today’, of course not. Sub-consciously however, all of the bullet-points above are true, our problems are our stories, and I’m going to tell you exactly what I mean by that.
You are not your story
Just like I made clear that you are not your mind, you definitely aren’t your story. Your story could be anything, after-all…it is ‘yours’. A few examples:
- How a past relationship has made you scared of new ones
- How a poor upbringing has ruined your future
- How your lack of intelligence means you can’t make money
- How your life situation is holding you back
Everyone has their story, just some people have learned to disconnect with theirs, they realise it doesn’t make them who they are. They realise their story doesn’t determine their future. My story? I dropped out of college, I worked in a crappy clothes store for 2 years and I have no decent education. Did that stop me? Hell no!
Move on, do something different. I worked hard becoming the best internet marketer I could be for over 3 years and now I’m in a great position, not far from working for myself full-time. Do you know that many top CEO’s in the UK don’t even have a college education (and college in the UK is a lower level than that in America), I’m serious.
Getting it off your mind
So now we’re clear, the problem is that we connect to our problems and identify ourselves with them. However, we aren’t our problems because in reality, problems are just an illusion. Something is only a problem if we make it a problem. How refreshing is that?
Now the problem I’m referring to here is not being able to stop thinking about something, not being able to get something out of your head. How crazy is that, we can’t stop thinking about something, our mind has taken over our desires…or has it.
1. Disconnect from your story – if you believe that the current situation you find yourself in is ‘who you are’ then you are never going to be free of problems. Simply because you identify with them, you see them as your source and therefore they are the source of your pain. I don’t have great college grades, but does that make me an unintelligent (yes, it’s word) person?
As soon as you realise that you are not your story or your life situation, you will start to see that there is a whole world out there, filled with reality-changing opportunities just waiting for you to go and grab them with both hands.
Some of us like our stories, they give us something to connect with and identify with. If you take away a persons story then what is left? In my opinion, point 3…total acceptance.
2. Decide if you want to be free – you may think I’m crazy, but sub-consciously we don’t want to disconnect from our problems, after-all, they are our story. You have to decide whether you want to be free from your incessant mind activity or you are holding on to it because, as said earlier, it is giving you an excuse to stay set in our ways.
Our problems, in a way, can actually make our lives easier. They stop us pushing for anything different because we believe they hold us back and we can’t amount to anything greater. Connect to your core, find out if you really do want to move on and forget about that someone or something, because if you don’t then it is never going to happen.
3. Accept what is – if you are constantly battling to get something off your mind, then you are constantly battling with yourself, and that’s not fun. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t try and grow or change as a person; it just means you don’t resist the situation that is happening at this very moment. If you are thinking about something, allow it to be, don’t resist it.
Magically, or not, your thoughts and attitude will change. The thing that has been bugging you so much will disappear. Why? Because you accept that it is bugging you and don’t let it hold you back, you accept you are being ‘bugged’ and move on. Think about what or who is bugging you, because it is actually you. As soon as you resist the present moment, the now, then that is when your problems come back.
Still don’t believe that problems are an illusion?
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
I can relate in to your friend problem. I kept thinking of something and someone I don’t want to think mostly at bed times. It gives me hard times in sleeping. Thanks for the tips. Hope it can help.
Thank you and keep it up
Hey Diana, thanks for the comment. Let me know how you get on!
Wow, this was a really well done post and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. I’m in the middle of a divorce and am dealing with some personal situations all around. Reading something like this was an inspiration and a pick me up. Thank you.
Hi Mike, I thank you so much for the comment. It’s ones that like that keep me going. I’m sure you’ll get through your divorce and come out stronger on the other side!
Cheers,
Glen
I’m impatient with myself and so want to feel better NOW, by doing this I overlooked that actually, it is ok to feel hurt!
Acceptance of the situation has been difficult, I always thought I was stronger than the emotions I was feeling and so fought them – trying to convince myself that I was ok… of course this tactic didn’t work very well.
So in taking your advice, I decided to disconnect from this story and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders – and an added bonus – I’m not so angry with myself for not being over this – it’s ok to feel hurt over a breakup, it’s not ok to make that hurt the excuse for not moving forward…
Thanks Glen! I owe you one…
You’re welcome chubz, thanks for the being the inspiration for a post:
I was chatting to a friend of mine today and she wanted some advice on how to forget someone after a relationship breakup.
wow i feel just like that! the “im stronger than my feelings” part. i did that for about 8 months. i was in a two year relationship with this guy who, as i put it, was molded for me. we fit perfectly together and it was perfect when it was just us. i think back to all the perfect memories we made and want to cry. however, he was overly posessive. i love to travel and have fun, its my passion. he always got mad when i hung out without him. so, i took a stand and broke up with him. he told me he would change, but i didnt believe. 8 months later i was still forcing myself to forget about him, to look past it. i had fun with my friends, dated around, it was great. but when i was driving alone, or went home to sleep, he was still there in my thoughts. so i went back to him. but when i went back, it didnt feel the same, i felt different. it wasnt what i used to feel, so in love, so happy. so i left again a week later. 2 months later, im in a relationship with a guy who has treated me PERFECTLY since we first met. weve been “talking” for 6 months so i finally jumped into the relationship. but i still think about him… his face is everywhere. everything i look at somehow reminds me of him. a truck like his, a funny joke he told when i was riding with him on just about EVERY road. i remember ALL the details. i dont understand y i cant forget him? the spark is gone so i should have closure that it wouldnt work, and i have a guy who treats me better. whats the problem? we live in a small town so everytime i see him i want to hug him, hold him, kiss his forhead. he wont even look at me. i dont know what to do, and im worried it wont ever go away.
@ Claire,,
I can relate totally to what youre saying. My story is a bit different though. Me and Jovan* were together for almost 2 years, and we went through quite a lot. But eventually things started to stagnate, and for me that was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. So I made a very bad mistake and cheated on him. I told him the next day and he forgave me. Or so he said. A week later we broke up. That was really the most difficult time of my life. I see him at random times as we met through my family. My cousin is engaged to his brothers best friend.
Now 7 months later, I’m in a new relationship, but we fight a lot. Its so wrong to compare them, but i do. For a while now, I’ve been having dreams about my ex constantly, I think about all the good times – every single detail, and I really hurt. I also know that i will regret the mistake i made for the rest of my life. I do not know how to just forget and move on, as the clichè about remembering the “good times, and forgetting the bad” has not helped me at all. The new guy is very different from Jovan*, and he really is good to me, but I wish I could turn the time back, and make things right. I guess it takes all that to realise how much we really love the other person.
Glen,
Very true, “you are what you think about all day long” I have experimented with your philosophy many times and it works every time! the wonderful thing abut the strange human being is that we have free will to choose. You choose your own thoughts. I wonder if anyone can present an argument against that?
Great stuff Glen! Finally… Truth about the inner conflicts which affect so many people, my partner included! I tell him to leave the past behind and live fully in the present, but he seems to prefer being the victim of his younger years. Instead of accepting the ‘problems’ he’s suffered in the past and using the knowledge gained from the experiences to give him a greater appreciation of his life currently, he remains focused on the pain and insecurities of previous years.
When we talk about the past, I remind him that we ALL have experiences which may not have been the best at the time, however, having gone through these experiences and over-come them, life is much sweeter. The past has shaped us into who we are today and we have the choice to embrace that or continue to be a victim.
Thanks for explaining this so clearly and concisely; my hope is that I can steer my partner away from his past and into a bright and shiny present!
THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS…CHOOSE THE GOOD ONES!
http://www.tut.com
Nameste!
Nicely written and deep sooooo easier said than done! lol
Hey harley, thanks for the comment. Funnily, this was the last sentence in a blog post last week:
If you think I make it sound simple, then first tell me why you are making it so difficult.
Sadly, nobody has given me a response to that yet
Glen:
You’ve done it again – another great writing. You are so right in how people do identify themselves with their problems and issues. We’ve all done it at one time or another. Trick is to not do it for too long. However, I don’t believe that this identifies who they are; anymore than identifying yourself or someone else by their paycheck (its amount). I’ve seen this many, many times over. And so it goes that; life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% is how you react to it. This is your attitude towards it. This is what you are in charge of. It is a choice.
I really like your writing style. Keep up the good work.
Hi Glen,
I read your previous post about selling and buying this site back, and I guess when I first found it, it wasn’t yours and I didn’t come back very much. It sure feels different now.
Great post, especially about disconnecting from your story, and perhaps re-writing your story exactly how you want it to happen next time? I’m starting to believe in this Law of Attraction stuff.
Have subscribed to your feed and am off to Stumble this post now. Look forward to more posts from you!
Daphne
Hey Daphne, nobody had actually wrote on the site, I had just been absent for a while (or at least that’s how it looked).
Thanks for stopping by
Great post Glen – I especially love how you make it clear that people are responsible for the choices they make.
No one can completely control external situations, but we can control our reactions to them and in so doing control our future actions and attitudes – and it’s all done through choice.
Wow tank you so much, that really helped me alot ive been trying to forget about this girl who i just let pretty much walk all over me and we have gotten in numerous fights and i have been heart broken about it and trying to fix it but i just cant accept that we can never make it work. And i just wont let go but the thing is that she is a B*&@h to me but always ends up wanting me back but i cant let go and accept it and this really helped me forget and accept that it wont work out and we are two completely different people. thank you thank you!
-conor
btw im 16 yrs old hahaha
You are welcome Conor, I’m really glad this has helped you. Girls can be like that at your age
, although I’m only 3 years older myself.
Stick around!
Cheers,
Glen
This is so cool, i feel a whole lot better! My girlfriend broke up with me, and she was so perfect in my mind and i got so closed in on her i forgot who i was and i tried to impress her all the time and i never took time to remember who i was. And she broke up with me and i didn’t understand until many many months of thinking and i was devastated for four months! She went on a trip to Europe and i had no idea what to expect when she came back because i heard she still liked me and ever since she came back she hasn’t talked to me at school or anything and its been 3 to 4 months. I don’t know what happened in Europe but it’s been bugging me that she won’t even be my friend, but i feel better now that its okay if she doesn’t want to be friends with me, because it was her decision and i can’t do much about it. And there are definitely more friends to be made!
Thanks a lot
thank you so muuch you are amazing it was right in front of my face the whole time!!
Hi,
One of the things I teach clients is something I learned years ago. I don’t remember who the author is but it goes like this:
I bless you
I release you
I set you free
I allow you to be you
And me to be me!
Keep repeating every time your thoughts go on this person.
Great blog post.
Tess
Glennie this is probably the greatest advice anyone has ever given me, i felt so much lighter after reading it. I’m gonna take this in2 account every time I’m faced with a difficulty. Thanks again xxxx
i listen to music to get stuff off my mind
I met a person 2 years ago when was a security officer. one night i was making my rounds and our paths crossed my mind got messed up
the last time i saw this person my soul have not been the same since.
i can not get this person off my mind. this person today is over seas.
tears fall from my eyes when i think about this person. tell how can i get this!!
Hi David, here is a little exercise for you that I’ve found to be very useful. It sounds like you are in a scarcity mindset i.e. not understanding there are millions more partners out there that you can meet, and enjoy life with.
First of all, focus on the negative strongly, picture this person in your mind
1. Ask yourself “Could I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
2. Ask yourself “Would I let go?”
*Pause 20 seconds*
3. Ask “When?”
See how you feel about it afterwards, repeat until necessary
How and why does this technique work????
I have to get a person off my mind, it has been over a year now and doesn’t seem to ease
This site is amazing. Do you do or would you consider doing motivational speaking?
Thank you Silver. It’s definitely something I want to do in the future, I joined a speaking club last month so I’m constantly trying to improve in this area
What is the mentality u have everyday ?
I don’t really have a mentality if I think about it. Simply that I am enough, and this is life. Make the most of it
Lately I’ve been cleaning up and “disconnecting” from my story. I realized that it takes more energy to be negative and make excuses for everything that I cannot do or be. Nowadays I feel more at peace. Stumbling onto this post reaffirmed that I am on the right track. Great post Glen!
I really loved this post. It made me wake up about something. How can I share it on twitter?? I just put the link to this page right?
Hey Carolina,
The last sentence in the post has a link to twitter, if that doesn’t work try clicking here
I am so glad I found this link. It makes so much sense, why didn’t I think of this before, lol. Oh I know I was bugged…hoping to be bug free soon…:)
Great help.
Awesome post – great advice! Will be sharing
Hi Glen,
Thank you so much for this. I have so many regrets about college that I keep replaying over in my mind–why didn’t I take computer science classes earlier, why did I pick summer jobs I hated? It’s only compounded by the fact that my boyfriend is amazingly brilliant and confident, and loves his job.
But it’s a waste of energy regretting. I have to dive boldly into new projects and see them through to gain confidence.
I like who I am now, I just wish I had gotten here sooner. But I’ll try to remember what a football coach said,
“We aren’t where we could be,
We aren’t where we ought to be,
But thank God we aren’t where we used to be.”
You’re so wise for your age. I wish you the best of luck in the future!
Glen,
You sir are wise beyond your years. Thanks very much for this post, sometimes we seem to like to wallow in our own problems/issues, and we need a fresh insight to break the funk. Your funk-breaking techniques aren’t only good for the initial circumstance that brought us to this post, but rather a great long term solution for coping with issues as they arise. You stay classy Glen, keep up your GREAT work!
Ben
Wisconsin
I am really happy because you have posted this. It is exactly what i needed to read and it is simply Perfect. It really works indeed and it’s good to read it carefully and as you read it to say it to yourself , like “you are fighting with yourself” and YEP that it is , i should stop that .
Hope you get what i meant.
This article is really really good.
It doesn’t help me one bit, but it’s good.
See, I am 17, and there’s this chick who I have been loose friends with for a couple years now, but whom recently I have grown very, very fond of. Unfortunately for me, I am a little late on that train because my best friend was with her for a year or two and they lost their virginity to one another and my other very close friend has loved her since he was 14.
Well, her boyfriend went away to college at the end of the summer. Being my best friend, he told me that while he would mind if other people got with her, he couldn’t care less if I did so. That being said, he and she are no longer committed to each other, and while he has taken that and ran, having had other partners multiple times already, she does not know this and is still in belief that she will stay good for him. So, in other words, while they are technically apart, the common trust between one another is that the other will not ‘cheat.’
Well, as I said, I recently have gotten to know her a lot better, and have already snuck over to her house a couple of times, though I have yet to spend the time there sexually and have thus far only spoken with her and cuddled. I really want her, very badly, and can’t get her off of my mind because I want to get with her…
Recently though, another friend of mine displayed a similar desire, and while she did not share it with him, it was discovered what his motives were and he was chewed out pretty soundly for betraying his friend who loves her and the ‘boyfriend’ as well, both of whom are friends with him.
So, although it is obvious she and I share mutual feelings of, if nothing else, lust, but I am hesitant to act upon them based on what the friend who loves her might think, say, do, and feel toward me after, not to mention how the friend who tried to get with her but was chewed out might feel toward me.
I would rather not lose a good friend, betray a good friend if you can consider it that, because then my other friends might feel I would do the same to them. Also, I am certain she would tell my best friend (her ‘boyfriend’) and I am not so sure I want that.
Anyways, I can’t get her nor the situation out of my head…I know I can either bull through it and just get with her and deal with the consequences or accept that this is how it always will be, but I’d rather have another path…any help/ideas/thoughts???
Hey Glen,
Your race, nationality, relationships, social situation, family, and income level are not you. Only YOU are you.
Do you want to be truly free? Don’t let external forces define you. Make a conscious effort to start disassociating with labels that were forced on by others (and yourself). Bad relationships, poverty, racism, sexism, negative energy… all those are just things floating around are you. But they’re not you.
You are whoever you want to be. You’re truly free if you don’t let anything control you. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, and no one can control it. Literally. It’s physically impossible. So don’t let others psychologically control it.
Great article. Succinct reminder to focus on being ourselves and not labels,
Oleg
Hey, my problem has worked itself out, I ended up going behind everyone’s back and getting with that girl. So far so good.
Still a great article.
This thing doesn’t get what i want out of my head OUT OF MY HEAD!
Fine then I’ll try Meditating hehe
i don’t even know how to do that!
Please does anyone else have a website that knows how to get something out of my head! please
I saw A Penis going into A 11 year old bum and she was screaming !
and i want to get that out of my head but i can’t tell the police
Because i have no proof.
and none of my friends believe me!
Thanks anyway bye
this was very helpful in my current situation this whole post just gave me a new outlook on lifes faults
Wow, simply briliant work on this. I know its just thoughts that u feel but damn it really helped me and reading the comments helped too realizing that my story isn’t as bad as it could be. Thanks a lot. Very ggreat work..first time I’ve actually responed to anything like this aswell. Thanks again.
Thanks this helped my cousin lives in california and we see each other twice a year. Sometimes we just have to accept some things in life.
P.S.He”s coming tonight i”m so excited>
Interesting article… and quite informative actually. I can attest to getting bogged down a a fair number of times myself due to mental battles, and at the end of the day all the worrying and stressing doesn’t do me an ounce of good.
@Claire
I think your post is old but I’ll reply anyway:
People tend to become attached to relationships that evoke feelings they are familiar with since childhood. For example, if you are accustomed to walking on eggshells from the way your parents raised you, you will become easily attached to someone who you feel that way with. To better understand this, look up “Neurosis” and look for info about how we try to recreate familiar patterns in relationships.
Good Luck.
I hope this does help. I have been thinking about something and someone, but they`re still not getting off of my mind. There`s this problem involving someone that likes me and I like them. The problem is I don`t want to like him and it`s hard to. My problem is a little different form others`. Thanks for the advice.
Wow, this was well thought out I am going through some problems personally and I am also in school and can’t seem to get this personal stuff off my mind. I know it seems as easy as you say but really I hope these tips work because I’m also starting to feel real depressed right now.Well thanks again
the best way to be free from thoughts is to do something that would capture your time