I was chatting to a friend of mine today and she wanted some advice on how to forget someone after a relationship breakup. There was often times in the past where I wanted to forget about something (or someone) so I had a few suggestions, the bet
ter ones being ecky-focused.
It got me thinking of all my ‘techniques’ and ideas on how to get something off your mind, and how as a population this is something that we want to do at one time or another. If you have any questions after reading this, feel free to ask in the comments below.
I hate the word ‘problem’, it implies there is something negative that we need to deal with and it has the potential to weigh us down. I much prefer the Echkart style thinking, ‘either deal with it, or forget about it’. However, using the word is probably the best way to get the point across.
The problem is that we get bogged down by our own problems, by our own stories, and we think about them non-stop. They can be so annoying that we would do anything to deal with them and get them out of the way, they can be so annoying that we’ll literally do anything to forget about them. When it comes to wanting to get something off our mind, that can also be a problem. Having something constantly in our heads weighs us down; but looking at problems on the other side of the scale:
- They give us something to identify ourselves with (victim mentality)
- They give us an excuse not to move on
- They give us a rationalisation as to why things aren’t better
Although we hate our problems, we love them at the same time. I’m not saying we all wake up and think ‘Woohoo, I have a problem today’, of course not. Sub-consciously however, all of the bullet-points above are true, our problems are our stories, and I’m going to tell you exactly what I mean by that.
You are not your story
Just like I made clear that you are not your mind, you definitely aren’t your story. Your story could be anything, after-all…it is ‘yours’. A few examples:
- How a past relationship has made you scared of new ones
- How a poor upbringing has ruined your future
- How your lack of intelligence means you can’t make money
- How your life situation is holding you back
Everyone has their story, just some people have learned to disconnect with theirs, they realise it doesn’t make them who they are. They realise their story doesn’t determine their future. My story? I dropped out of college, I worked in a crappy clothes store for 2 years and I have no decent education. Did that stop me? Hell no!
Move on, do something different. I worked hard becoming the best internet marketer I could be for over 3 years and now I’m in a great position, not far from working for myself full-time. Do you know that many top CEO’s in the UK don’t even have a college education (and college in the UK is a lower level than that in America), I’m serious.
Getting it off your mind
So now we’re clear, the problem is that we connect to our problems and identify ourselves with them. However, we aren’t our problems because in reality, problems are just an illusion. Something is only a problem if we make it a problem. How refreshing is that?
Now the problem I’m referring to here is not being able to stop thinking about something, not being able to get something out of your head. How crazy is that, we can’t stop thinking about something, our mind has taken over our desires…or has it.
1. Disconnect from your story – if you believe that the current situation you find yourself in is ‘who you are’ then you are never going to be free of problems. Simply because you identify with them, you see them as your source and therefore they are the source of your pain. I don’t have great college grades, but does that make me an unintelligent (yes, it’s word) person?
As soon as you realise that you are not your story or your life situation, you will start to see that there is a whole world out there, filled with reality-changing opportunities just waiting for you to go and grab them with both hands.
Some of us like our stories, they give us something to connect with and identify with. If you take away a persons story then what is left? In my opinion, point 3…total acceptance.
2. Decide if you want to be free – you may think I’m crazy, but sub-consciously we don’t want to disconnect from our problems, after-all, they are our story. You have to decide whether you want to be free from your incessant mind activity or you are holding on to it because, as said earlier, it is giving you an excuse to stay set in our ways.
Our problems, in a way, can actually make our lives easier. They stop us pushing for anything different because we believe they hold us back and we can’t amount to anything greater. Connect to your core, find out if you really do want to move on and forget about that someone or something, because if you don’t then it is never going to happen.
3. Accept what is – if you are constantly battling to get something off your mind, then you are constantly battling with yourself, and that’s not fun. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t try and grow or change as a person; it just means you don’t resist the situation that is happening at this very moment. If you are thinking about something, allow it to be, don’t resist it.
Magically, or not, your thoughts and attitude will change. The thing that has been bugging you so much will disappear. Why? Because you accept that it is bugging you and don’t let it hold you back, you accept you are being ‘bugged’ and move on. Think about what or who is bugging you, because it is actually you. As soon as you resist the present moment, the now, then that is when your problems come back.
Still don’t believe that problems are an illusion?