8 More Things to Stop Doing Right Now
Glen / 
37 Comments / 
April 21st, 2009 / 
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When I wrote the original 8 Things to Stop Doing Right Now, I didn’t realise the article would turn out to be such a hit. Thousands of visitors viewed the post which spread virally on sites like Twitter, StumbleUpon, Facebook and other popular social media websites.
After writing the original, I had some ideas of my own for items that should be added to the list and it turns out that some of you guys did as well. I had a few excellent submissions in the comments so I’ve included them here with my own commentary.
1. Holding On to a False Identity (Thanks Ivan) – You are not the car you drive, you are not your job and you are certainly not the size of your bank balance. A lot of people have a picture of themselves through the eyes of their possessions and achievements, rather than what is.
You aren’t less of a person than anyone else and you aren’t of more value than anybody else either; you just are. Everyone is unique in their own way and the only mindset you need to have is this: “I am enough”.
2. Complaining (Thanks Beyond) – Nothing annoys me more than people who act like the end of the world is near when their bus is late or a flight gets delayed (Hmm, is this me complaining?). You might get be served cold soup in a restaurant and feel like the waiter does not care for you as a customer and proceed to make a fuss over this small issue.
The soup being cold is a fact and should be dealt with accordingly. The waiter or restaurant owner not caring for your custom is an opinion and nothing more than a mind-made illusion. Deal with things that need to be dealt with, but once you’ve done them, get on with whatever else you want to do in your day. Your moaning won’t make the bus arrive quicker and it won’t change an argument you had 30 minutes ago; just drop it.
3. Needing to Be Right – Regular readers here will know I’m a big fan of Eckhart Tolle and his books The Power of Now and A New Earth. They have now sold millions of copies and Eckhart actually took part in a 10 week live web-cast with Oprah Winfrey which is free to download. An exercise in one of his books basically tells you to try and ‘not correct somebody’ or ‘not defend yourself’ when someone makes a remark about or towards you.
The next time someone says something you disagree with, try to just accept what they say. Don’t resist it internally and feel the need to correct them, just let it be. You experience quite a weird sensation when you do this at first, as if you are going against some form of auto-response.
4. Looking for Approval (Thanks Chica) – I’ve covered this extensively in a blog post but I think it deserves being mentioned again. While it’s good to try to keep the peace with others now and again, if you live life constantly looking to impress others and always make people happy then you are going to fall short eventually.
There will be times in life when you have to go through with things on your own, and maybe make a change from the norm in order to go for the things you want. Don’t let friends or family hold you back because they disagree with your goals; even if you are making a mistake, mistakes are sometimes good to make.
On this blog I write what is true for me, some people will not approve of the fact that I quit college after 2 years and think that is spreading a bad message. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it is what it is, and was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Do what is true for you.
5. Giving Your Power Away – This is a concept I came across through Tony Robbins and I think the idea of this is spot on. Giving your power away basically means that you belittle yourself around people who you think have more value than you, and you are constantly changing based on who you are talking to.
Of course, at times it’s good to slip into socially conditioned ‘roles’ such as a waiter having to stay polite to a customer who is giving them a hard time. However, once you are out of a situation that doesn’t require you to follow a certain role then you should be completely focused on this moment and not on how you can impress somebody or make them like you.
6. Reacting to Things That Don’t Exist – Have you ever caught yourself laughing out loud to a memory of an event that happened in the past? I know I have. While this is harmless and sometimes a good way to cheer ourselves up, we also do the opposite project negative images of the future and react to those.
When I was around 15 I insulted someone who was known to be quite tough, and found out that they wanted to fight we me (this was on a Friday). I spent the whole weekend stressing out and worrying about what might happen on the Monday when I go back to school. It turned out to be nothing serious (just a small scuffle) but in a sense I lost my weekend because of this future projection.
There is a fine line between being reactive and being proactive; see if you can focus on the latter.
7. Resisting What Is – This is actually quite similar to point 2 but not exactly the same so I think it deserves its own explanation. In point 2 I used an example which involved people acting like the world is ending just because a plane has been delayed and there is nothing they can do about it. Now let me ask you something? What is the benefit of the complaining if it isn’t going to change anything?
Why, when the situation is going to stay exactly the same, would you spend your time being miserable about it? The short answer to this is that some people just love drama; another short answer could be that we just don’t know any better. See if you can try just ‘accepting’ something when things don’t go your way, see if you can just let the bus be late without resisting it internally and letting it bring you down.
I’ve been practicing this for a while now and it is quite amazing once you start doing it habitually.
8. Taking Things for Granted – One of the things I like about being quite a well known blogger in this industry is that people send me a lot of free stuff in the hope that I will review it. I was sent a copy of ‘The Compass‘ recently which contains many of the same people as ‘The Secret’ and while I didn’t think it was very good, there were some great messages in there.
One of the speakers explained how in order to be thankful for the things we have in life, we need to appreciate them on a daily basis. Just like when a house appreciates it goes up in value, things that we appreciate regularly also go up in value in our own eyes.
I liked that analogy and have since expressed gratitude on a daily basis for all the good things in my life, something I said I would.
It has been fun looking at all the things we shouldn’t be doing rather than like most bloggers just writing about what we should be doing. I hope you’ve all enjoyed the 16 points in total, and I look forward to your comments.
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
Great list, as the previous one is too. I really like the way you draw attention to automatic behaviors in order to eradicate them from someones personality.
I don’t like the negative title, I prefer 8 things to start doing right now, as stopping doing things leave a blank, and feels weird. “If I’m not doing this, what should I do?”. Doing new things make the old habit just fade away, sometimes even without noticing.
Thanks
You have obviously missed the point of the post.
Don’t look for things to replace things you aren’t doing.
“If you look for problems you will find them”
well I like point 4 a lot =)
but I totally disagree with 2,3 and 7 – I do all the things I shouldn’t do described at 2,3 and 7.
yes, sometimes it’s really useless to get angry about something and complain even if it makes no sense. but it makes your anger go
you feel better after it. sometimes it even brings some “action” into your life if another person affronts you =)
I’ve personally never felt better after resisting something, it just makes me even more angry and frustrated.
Thanks for the comment though John, appreciated.
I absolutely love this post,there is so much dishonesty in the world today, the biggest problem of all being that we are dishonest to ourselves.
If you take away everything you own, everything you accomplished (toss that CV) and even take away your name… you would still be you. It’s what’s inside that counts (yes it sounds cliché) but no-one can see that inside easily so we have to display all kinds of false behaviors to show people who we are. But we are not our behavior, we are not our bank account..
Who are we? (yes it’s a koan)
Thanks for the comment Christiaan. I had never actually heard of the word Koan before, I looked it up and love the definition.
Great comment, I think you’re totally right.
Just as good as the original, Glen. I like needing to be right best. People who need to be right all the time are rarely happy and who has the time to begin with anyway? If you are never wrong than you can never learn. If you can never learn you can never grow. If you can never grow than what’s the point?
i totally agree with you, what do you do with your life if you stop learning and growing?
I’m surrounded by people that complain. I hate it. It brings negativity into my life and I find I start to complain.
So well put, Glen.
“Just like when a house appreciates it goes up in value, things that we appreciate regularly also go up in value in our own eyes.”
The converse being true as well!
The most important thing though, i feel, is what Christiaan said, which nicely adds up to your point number 1.
Everything else just follows
Thanks Kamal, I thought that saying was great when I first heard it!
Great list…
I hadn’t thought of #5 in the way in which you present it. Thanks!
So well put, Glen.
“Just like when a house appreciates it goes up in value, things that we appreciate regularly also go up in value in our own eyes.”
And the converse being true as well. We must learn to appreciate!
The most important of these being what ChristiaanH said; which nicely augments your point # 1. If that is understood, the rest follow by themselves.
This is a recommended read for all the entropic souls who don’t find peace and complaining is the only sink they find to vent their energies.
Sorry for the triple post. Somehow, the first did not show up earlier and I reposted.
I’ll let you off…just this time though
Great, great, GREAT advice. All of these things only bring negativity into our lives. If we all stopped doing the 8 things you listed, we’d be a great deal happier with ourselves and our lives.
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
Your two-part list of 16 things to stop doing was well done. Less negativity; more happiness. Changing the world; one person at a time. That’s how you get it done Glen.
Hi Glen,
Worrying always rob us of our time. To eliminate worrying, we need to know what we are worrying and it is something that can be fix now? If yes, fix it. If not, why worry?
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
I agree with most of the list really like giving up the need to be right. How peaceful life is without that one. It drives a lot of negativity.
Hey!
Great post!
I think something like this should be given to every person when they are born, then they can live by it.
I think there is one that you could add to your list:
STOP BEING SCARED!
So many people are afraid to risk something, whether it be risk humilation, or rejection if they would approach a girl that they think is gorgeous, or being scared of taking a new job in another city or country.
The possible benefits are worth the risk you take in most cases, and that way, at the end of your life, you will not wonder…what if…
Have a great day glen!
So true buddy, thanks for your comment. I think we can both fit into your examples there.
Can’t wait to see you in a few months man, Amsterdam watch out
Hi Glen,
What a beautiful list! You raise so many important points and like you, I am a big fan of Tolle. It is amazing what inner peace can do. The way to start to achieve that quality is by learning who you truly are and to discover what is it that you want out of life. You cannot please all of the people all of time and there is no need to waste time on it because it will not happen. Life is so short so don’t waste time on things that do not matter or will not change!
Hi!
Great post! I recently read the book “The Power Of Now” from Eckhart Tolle and I must admit it was a lifechanger for me.
Hey Daniel, thanks for the comment. That book was definitely a life changer for me as well, number 2 of my favourite ever books
Now I’m interested what your number 1 book is
Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It was written in the 60′s by a plastic surgeon and has sold around 30 million copies so far. I actually implemented his exercises (see here) and they have changed my life.
Coupled with The Power of Now, the world seems perfect
Thanks for the tip. Sounds interesting and I will read it after the “A New Earth”…
cu
Daniel
Just as good as the first one.Thanks for sharing your tips
Yet another thing to stop doing…
Don’t hang with negative people. Negativity is catching (seriously, there are scientific studies). If you associate with people who do all the other 16 things that they should stop doing you will become habituated to negative thoughts and dragged down too.
On the plus side you can start hanging with positive people. Positivity is catching too. If you want to be successful, hang with successful people. If you want to be creative, associate with creative people. You could even adopt your own goal of sharing and promoting a positve outlook with your social circle.
Thank you, thank you for this…you have the keys to everything right here…I’m printing it out and putting it on my desk, along with the first one…Sarah
I’ve just finished reading The Power of Now for the third time, and I’m in the middle of listening to the Winfrey/Tolle webcast. Both are phenomenal, and I think The Power of Now is one of the most important books of our times.
3. Needing to Be Right. Great one.
I’d rather be happy then right. Mistakes don’t hurt me, it’s defending them.
Just found you cos you followed me on twitter and I always check out who’s following me.
Great posts – a lot of these are my philosophies and #3 here is one I feel very strongly about (blogged about it – The Wrongness of Rightness.
Wish I could say I practice them all-gotta take your attitude and Stop Right Now.
cheers from Barbados!
I just wanted to say i absolutely love this post. I accidentally stumbled upon it through a google search for something entirely different and started reading when i should’ve been doing other stuff
(procrasination is one of the hardest bad habits to lose)
Funny thing is that I figured a lot of these points out by myself. It started with not caring about missing a bus. It’s amazing how much happier I was with life from one single thing. After that being happy for no particular reason just came by itself.
I think it’s wonderful that there are other people out there with the same philosophies. You also gave me some good insight on what other things to do to further improve my life!
Big up from the Netherlands!
Another great list Glen. This time I think I need work on 7 and 8. Sometimes I get ‘upset’ over the smallest of things. I know I shouldn’t and I’m slowly learning not to. But its a slow road.