8 Things to Stop Doing Right Now
Glen / 
78 Comments / 
April 7th, 2009 / 
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The main purpose of this site is to help you be who you want to be and live the life you want to live. I think everyone deserves that at the bare minimum, and I believe that everyone can achieve it. Therefore, a lot of the messages that I share here are positive, inspiring and action orientated.
With this post I want to change direction, and not cover the things you should be doing, but the things you shouldn’t be doing. I’m not even going to be half-hearted about it and say you should ‘probably’ stop doing these things or ‘you can if you want’. No; you really should stop, right now.
I truly believe that successful implementation, or actually ‘de-implementation’ of these methods will dramatically improve a number of things. The first thing that will change is your overall level of happiness, the second thing that will develop is a laser-like focus for your goals and the third thing that will change is going to be your overall awareness.
What I mean by improving your awareness is that you actually might ‘wake up’ to some of the things you’ve been doing, and understand exactly why I say you need to stop doing these things immediately.
1. Doubting Yourself – If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right. Doubts and lack of self belief are the number one way to not only fail to achieve your goals, but to prevent yourself for even trying to go for them in the first place.
Ask yourself, is there anyone in this world that could achieve what I want to achieve? If so, then you definitely can as well.
2. Looking for Answers – I don’t mean this as a sort of umbrella phrase that covers every situation in the world, sometimes we need answers. On occasion we need to know why things happened and how we can change them, but a lot of the answers we look for won’t change anything even if we get them.
- “Why do some people have all the luck?”
- “Why was I born into this environment?”
- “Why am I not smart / pretty / cool / rich?”
These are all questions that deserve no time to be pondered. Don’t look for answers, just start creating results.
3. Procrastinating - This is something I struggled with for a long time, but regular readers of the site will know that I ‘cured’ this quite well. Basically, I make sure I know what I want in life, and any time I catch myself procrastinating or wishing I didn’t have to do a certain ask, I simply ask myself: “Do you really want this?”
Has there ever been a time when procrastinating actually served you well? Did those extra 20 minutes on Facebook or a call to your friend really help the situation? The ‘problem’ is still going to be there, so just deal with it now.
4. Blaming Someone Else – It’s far easier and more likely for us to blame someone else for our current situation rather than take responsibility ourselves. “I’m poor because John makes bad financial decisions” or “I’m unhappy because Sarah left me”.
You have to take full and total responsibility for yourself and all of your actions. Sure, there will be people who want to help you and people involved in what you do, but you are completely responsible for the outcome. If you keep looking to others as the reason for your ‘failures’ without picking up the pieces yourself, these ‘failures’ will continue to happen.
5. Judging Others – First of all, you have absolutely nothing to gain but everything to lose from judging someone. People that others would instantly judge as ‘uncool’ or ‘boring’ have turned out to be some of the most awesome people I’ve ever met in my life.
Secondly, I want to make it clear that I’m not just saying this because it is nice and should be included on a list like this; I fully believe it and try to implement it into my life. If you are going to judge people, at least judge them by their actions, and not their appearance or their background.
6. Waiting to Live – I think most of you will relate to this point more than any. I should know, I’ve spent a good few years of my life waiting for things to happen before life will be perfect and I can start enjoying it. As soon as I finish college, as soon as I’m making enough money online, as soon as I’ve gained X amount of lbs and I’m ripped etc., these are all useless thoughts that I’ve had.
You know what, these things may come, and you may get to finish college or get to your dream weight. As soon as you get there though, you’ll realise you’ve just wasted and forgotten the whole journey it took to arrive at the spot. The time to enjoy life is right now, no matter what situation you are in or what you hope the future may hold.
7. Needing Reasons to Be Happy – 2 weeks ago I wrote something that touched upon this idea in one of my blog posts:
I have a huge grin on my face as I’m writing this; in fact I’ve had one for the last few days. Should I tell you why? OK, well…there is absolutely no reason. What reason do you need to feel great, why not just feel great?
I’m feeling like that on a very regular basis these days. We often feel we need things to ‘happen’ to give ourselves permission to be happy. Yet, when you think about it, how ridiculous is that? At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.
8. Caring What People Think – I’ll be the first to admit that this isn’t easy, and I don’t think it’s going to come instantly unless you have some drugs or alcohol available. I have no doubt that this step takes time, but you can begin to care less and less with practice.
“What people say about you is none of your business”
- Sean Stephenson
I’ve wrote a lengthy blog post on the subject that I recommend you check out. The main point from that post I want to highlight is that you should just really put life into perspective. This is the only opportunity we have, are we really going to spend our time worrying about what people think of us, something we can’t even change anyway?
I would love to hear your thoughts, what other things do you think we should stop doing right now?
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
Awesome. I’m glad to read about numero 7. It feels great, hey?
Hey Joy, yes it does. I smiled when I imagined you laughing for no reason
Number four is huge. I quit blaming cold turkey a few years ago (though it still emerges as a conditioned reflex now and then when I’m driving
and I have not suffered a bit for it. I am now convinced that blame serves no purpose at all other than to alleviate yourself of responsibility for where you are and what’s happening to you.
I would add:
’9. Holding on to a false identity.’
But I like the number 8 and I think that’s implicit, so never mind.
I have to say about procrastination that people should maintain priorities. I love procrastinating non-important tasks and I love doing important tasks. If you do what you love, procrastination is rarely a problem.
Very nice job, Glen.
Thanks for the addition Ivan, I think I’ll do a new round next week with all of the additions here!
Great post! I share similar mindset and like to focus on the positives. Every once in a while it makes sense to focus on the negatives; no one is truly self-aware if they only focus on one dimension.
I agree with all the points. I would also add that people should not keep a closed mind. A closed mind prevents you from having new experiences, and ultimately better decisions.
This post offers GREAT advice. #6 is so important. Life is right now. Start living. There is absolute no point in waiting for “someday.” The other day I read this quote by Tim Ferriss:
“Conditions are never perfect. ‘Someday’ is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. If it’s important to you and you want to do it ‘eventually’, just do it and correct course along the way.”
There is never a time better than now!
I would also add that people should not keep a closed mind. A closed mind prevents you from having new experiences, and ultimately better decisions.
Hi Glen,
I like point number 6. I was guilty of having the “waiting to live” syndrome. This syndrome cause me to think too much about the future and affect my present. After I knew the negative effects on the syndrome, I stopped thinking about the future and focus on enjoying the present.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Great compilation! I am still doing the tug o’ war with a few, especially #6. Here is a Buddhist concept that helps facilitate the now. Don’t focus time and energy on impermanent things. …
Hey Alan, thanks for the comment.
At the end of the day though…isn’t everything ‘impermanent’?
Family is permanent. God/Budda/Spirituality is permanent. What you learn and hold in your mind is permanent. Hmmm…is that it?!? Good friends are permanent.
Houses, cars, clothes are not permanent. Maybe there’s a degree of “permanancy” (just made that up). The less permanent things are, the less time and energy we should give them. Like clothes are less permanent than houses. (I struggle with wasting money on clothes).
I should save money for a house before I waste it on clothes.
And I should spend time with my family instead of wasting it online. With that…adios!
P.S. Love your blog! Will be back again!
COMPLAINING!!!!!
If you spend a day being aware of how much people complaining to one another as a form of communication, you will never complain again. It’s horrifying. The time spent complaining and feeling helpless could easily be spent changing all of the things those people are complaining about.
Oh, the irony!
Hiya
No.s 6 & 8 resonated with me. Good stuff to reflect and laugh upon.
Thanks
Jens
Good stuff, Truly inspiring indeed. Keep up the good writing Glen, and thanks for the inspiration.
Marlon
Thank you Marlon, I’m glad you liked the post!
Glen:
Two points from your post really hit home with me.
I really like your strategy to ‘cure’ procrastination. The “Do you really want this” question is very powerful. I read your post this morning and throughout the day I asked myself this question over and over again. It has really made me “focus” on what is important and what action I need to take.
The other point is #6 — “Waiting to Live.” I have spent too much time focusing on the future, and as a result I have failed to live in the present. And this also leads to procrastination. For when you focus on the future, you plan and plan some more . . . and you end up taking very little action.
I would then get into the habit of waiting for things to be perfect before I would make my move. And this is the kiss of death.
By the way, that Tim Ferriss quote is right on.
Thanks for the post. Great stuff!
Jon
Feel free to keep the suggestions coming guys, good ones will get a link in the next update to this post!
Great site Glen. I wanted to add a quote I saw hanging over a greenhouse man’s desk which read:
If it’s to be…….it’s up to me.
Simple yet elegant in its message.
awesome stuff glenny
procastinating used to be a huge one for me.
really like number 7 too.
respect-o
a
Dude, you can’t call me that on a blog in front of everyone, others might follow
Nice one on getting a gravatar sorted!
People need to realize that life is short and they will not be here forever so why waste time on things that do not fill your heart with joy? We all have responsibilities that have to be met but that does not mean that you cannot enjoy life. Find your passion and go for it, even if you have to work on it on your spare time. Who cares…just follow your bliss as the wise Joseph Campbell once said.
Nice post.
As I currently read “7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen R. Covey, this post covers some ideas that are highlighted in this book – especially in chapter one which is about proactivity. I think that everyone should read it (this book). Procrastinating is what I actually fight with. 
Great post on accepting personal responsibility and getting on with what is important.
another great post! i love the way you sum up many important things, best one is number 7; we can choose to be happy anytime
Thanks Rose, I’m glad you liked it. Feel free to suggest your own addition, it will include some link love in the follow up!
i would add this:
Stop needing approval. This is one of the biggest obstacles most people have. We don’t do things because we’re afraid other people might not like it or approve it. We have to be ourselves and fight for what we believe is right.
Dude, you definitely hit it home with this one (as with all of your posts, but this one definitely did). Caught me off guard with the first.
“If you think that you can’t achieve something then I have some good news for you, you’re probably right.”
Served as a serious wake-up call. I have a state-level competition coming up for the first time and have been doubting myself all week. Not anymore though. WOO, I got this!
Another one might be to quit worrying about things you’ve no control over. If it’s 10PM at night and you’re getting ready to sleep, no use in worrying about how the exams that are two months away will go.
Thanks for the post!
Glen, fantastic post that I wholeheartedly agree with. I don’t know how you keep coming up with all this.
Also please tell your readers to stop watching TV.
I really need to stop Judging, Procrastinating, and Needing a Reason to be Happy.
Thanks for reminding me of that.
Glen, great list here and each could be explored in minute detail! In #4, I think its close to the act of feeling victimized as that leads to blame. I think that is the most important one here but of course they all affect our lives in different ways!
#hahaha I always had (have) a reason to laugh; I just didn’t always tell you what it was
Hi Glen,
Great post as always! I think No. 7 – Needing Reasons to Be Happy is the hardest to de-implement. I can never understand how one could simply feel happy with no particular reason. This is a weird concept to me, though not impossible I believe.
So I’m seeking to find out (de-implementing procrastination). Recently, I’ve just bought a book, Happy For No Reason, by Marci Shimoff. I haven’t read the book yet, but I do hope to find some great insights from the book.
Cheers~
Mark
Mark, it’s simple and yet it’s one of the hardest things to do. You can be happy by just marvelling at being alive. Try it right now. You are alive. Isn’t that wonderful?
Look at the sky. Smell the air around you. Give someone a hug.
You won’t feel like this every day; it just isn’t possible. But you can feel like this most of the time by just taking time to appreciate life.
Like this article…
Awesome post. You seem mature beyond your years.
Great post. It succinctly touched on several areas I have been thinking about/dealing with in my own life.
#8 needs some rework. It is extremely important what other people say about you, this has serious implications for career management. Indifference to what they say can get you laid off, bypassed for bonuses/promotions, and assigned to dead end projects. Or worst case scenario: you need a character witness at your trial.
I would phrase #8 like this: Live a life where people will always say great things about you. Then you won’t need to care what they say.
Hey Sean, first of all thanks for the comment, I appreciate the discussion.
I have to say though that I completely disagree with your last sentence. That will just lead us all into a life of reactivity and depression. You are never going to be in a situation where people always say good things about you. And even if you could, you would have spent your whole life getting to that situation and missed out on other areas of your life.
The phrase ‘stop caring what people think’ on this site is not recommending you would run down the street naked and steal the handbag of an old woman. It’s referring to needing other people to like you, getting down about the judgements of others and other things along those lines.
Cheers,
Glen
On NOT Needing Reasons to Be Happy:
“At any moment in time, you can have complete control over how you feel. Don’t look for reasons to feel good and smile, you’re alive, that should be enough.”
Feelings and emotions are there for a reason. They indicate whether we are heading toward death or toward life. Overriding their value means denying their underlying cognitions. This may make sense when one’s intellect makes a superior judgment, creating new (meta-) emotions. But willfully forcing one’s thoughts in the direction of something positive amounts to taking drugs to feel good about oneself. This is a prescription for disaster!
i love your writing, i think you have a great way of thinking. im very identified with points 6 and 7.
Great Reflection article.#9 is the hardest part for me cos of low self esteem.
Thanks for the comment Marco, you mean number 8?
Great list Glen. I think I only need to work on number 1 and 8. Maybe tomorrow.
To stop doing things sounds pretty boring to me…
That’s where we differ.
I would stop being bored.
If you want to continue, go ahead
yeah I really enjoyed this post.particulary the one about avoiding self doubt
Great post with a lot of great insight into things that I think everyone feels or goes through. Also, this is a great site in general. I look forward to reading more!
Mike
Very good words.
It’s certainly time to implement them.
What about how to best deal with what a friend of mine calls, “Poison People”, as in those who seem to be here only to harass, judge, criticize and ruin the day with their dark, ‘poisonous’ attitudes?
– And especially when it’s impossible to be away from them due to circumstances which demand they be nearby much of the time??
I liked the suggestion for #9. Maybe something like:
Be, don’t try to.
This site was sent to me by a fellow Irish-blooded friend. Thanks Mike!
I found an article that disavows procrastinating on StumbleUpon. Go figure
Stop hurting emotionally
It is human nature to nurture hurt. We get a cut we grab it and hold it and nurture the wound back to health. This is not true with emotional hurt. Acknowledge it and let it go. Only then can you learn the lesson behind the teaching. Yes being hurt is a teaching in life.
For me that’s number 8… That’s perhaps the most common thinking pattern I used to have, and I think 2010 is the year to change the bad habit into something thoroughly new!
Wonderful list, thanks Glen!
Good List. Number 2 seems to be much too common. I guess that is the reason that so many self help books are sold each year.
Stop waiting for someone else to make a decision for you. This is my focus this year along with working on the self-doubt. This is why I’m 36 years old and just now deciding to go back to school. I’ve wasted a massive amount of my life waiting for someone else to live my life for me.
This is very helpful! thank you for laying these points out. The most powerful for me were numbers 1,6,7 & 8. Thanks for the inspiration!
Thank you for the helpful and positive read! I needed a little ‘pick-me-up’ and I’m glad that I stumbled upon this site.
Thanks again~
Man, it is like every one of these suggestions resonate with me right now. I’m having a miserable time in college, doing things that I think make me happy, but really don’t. I’m stumbling in my classes, procrastinating like crazy on assignments. And it feels like I’m stalling, waiting for some epiphany to hit me and say “this is what you should do with your life.”
I am somewhere difficult right now, but I have a feeling implementing these suggestions might help me along. So thank you for your wise and positive advice.
These are great. you did a wonderful job. I feel the one people may fall down one is 6 Waiting to Live. This one can give us lots of happiness. I feel that the reason for this is because we are proud of ourselves for getting out of the comfort zone and just doing what we want for a change.
thanks for all the good information
Have a very happy day
Debbie
Good Job, Glen!
People can feel bad for no reason … instead they should feel good for no reason.
You nailed it here Glenn. I personally believe that you should stop doing “things” that hold you back. That is a very general statement, but I’ll give a few examples:
If you cannot control your alcohol consumption, then stop drinking for a while. I quit drinking for 6 months to exercise self-control and focus on my diet and fitness endeavors.
This can apply to any “bad” habit. Addiction to sex, drugs, or video games. I believe in balance. If you like to smoke pot, drink, or play video games everyday, that is fine — if you are in control.
I cannot be productive and high at the same time, so I quit smoking pot. I cannot be productive and drunk at the same time, so I quit getting hammered.
I enjoy video games, but I can’t afford to consume my day in front of the television — so I quit all together.
Taking the extreme and going cold turkey isn’t always necessary, but every individual is different.
Great post Glenn. Procrastination has always been my biggest problem, and I’m getting much better at managing time and enjoying myself every day!
At my age it would be nice if I had already learned these simple rules for living but I haven’t. T.G. you put em here for me to see. I’m going for it. Yes, I did tweet. Thanks, like someone else said, Inspirational.
Great Article. it affected me in a strange way. i just realize what a waste of time i was dedicated to the 8 things that you mentioned above! I must change…, thanks for this great post!
Truly enjoy this blog… and this website. Officially one of my favorites.
However, I do have an issue with point number 4. I am someone that ALWAYS blames myself for everything and anything that happens in my life… I am a control freak- and because of that I continually self loathe, question my decisions, and ultimately blame myself for EVERYTHING, including things that are out of my control. This is something that I am really trying to work on because it is seriously damaging to my overall health and well being.
I am not saying that we should not take responsibility for our actions… that is something we all must do. I am well aware of this point and agree with it fully. The actions of others… that affect OUR lives… we can not control- and should not take responsibility for these situations.
There are MANY situations and circumstances that will undoubtedly occur in all of our lives that make no sense. Abuse, assault, heartbreak, accidents, and health issues to name just a few. There are MANY situations that we CAN and SHOULD blame on others. In these situations the ONLY thing we can control is our reactions, responses and our perseverance. Ironically, I say this with 100% conviction but it is the one thing I am unable to truly grasp.
Surely listening to someone who tells you not to do something is contradicting your message?
Great post though
great post, i enjoyed it thoroughly. bookmarked and subscribed it. waiting for more.
I love this post and that 8 reasons clicking my mindset a while, hence, of course I gain some idea to rethink what other have to think about me..
I’ve been having a pretty tough time lately and after reading your post it seems pretty obvious why. I struggle with all eight AND #9 suggested by one of your readers. I’ve been thinking about making changes in my life lately but really have had no idea where to start.
All I know is I WANT to be happy! So I’m going to start by addressing the things you spelled out on this post.
Thanks for the advice. I’m going to check back periodically for more motivation.
to add more at no 7 I quite disagree because, for example myself when in hard time, I really really need a reason to be happy again. Not all painful things could easily turn us happy unless it solved. After that I could be happy again.:=)
if you stop doing these 8 things a lot of things will start in your life.. excellent Inspirational article.
Absolutely fantastic post. It’s not that people don’t know that they should stop doing these things, but somehow everyone don’t have the courage and the right kind of attitude to implement these in their lives.
I think it also takes alot to change based on what people think. It should be questioning self, “Why should I do it? Will it make me happier?” and also “Does it benefit me as a person?”
I myself took a huge step of change from high-schooler to a Varsity student. (looks especially)
Some may think this change may have been worthless, I was one of the many person who thinks that at first,but then I found out that looks do play a role in building a person’s character.
You don’t have to look exceptionally gorgeous/over-make up, just a few more minutes of straightening that hair or putting up a layer of foundation will make much difference.
Its a two-side satisfaction. Where not only you feel good about yourself but also others too about you.
I too have known not-really-pretty-face-on people but knowing them has really made me think “Wow she have grown more beautiful” I do agree people with inner beauty have a greater value of beauty compared with people who have physical beauty alone.