I got into this process of self-improvement because I never wanted to have a bad day again. I wanted to create a utopia – in my mind – so the world could never hurt me in any way. I wanted a state of permanent happiness, of endless joy, and was willing to do all the studying it took of philosophy and psychology in order to make it happen.
You know what?
I got to the point where I was happy – but I realized there is no escape from the pain, sadness, and exhaustion that is so common in our world. None. No matter what happens, even if you become “enlightened” (and I’m certainly not), there will always be trials in our life that test our courage, strength, and resilience. They will push us to our limits, they will hurt us, and we’ll have to fight through them every time.
The Big Lie
Like I said in last week’s post on magic pills, whenever we become happy or get in a great relationship, things don’t go poof! and disappear. No – we’re always going to be challenged by the world. Constantly. In fact, if we’re not being challenged, then I’d say we’re sticking to our comfort zone, which is the surest way to stunt our growth and begin to trigger a downward spiral of stagnation. We don’t want that.
At the same time, we have this idea of salvation in our heads that tells us that we should be reaching towards a carefree lifestyle, a utopia of happiness and positivity, where nothing will go wrong, where we will be good enough to tackle every single challenge that comes our way with relative ease, and our lives will be totally stress-free.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Even after you become “happy”, you still have good and bad days. You still have days when you’re on top of the world, and you have days where you feel like you can’t get out of bed. You still have days when you feel like you’re the man, and you have days when you hate everyone you talk to. You’ll still get frustrated at work, you’ll still plateau and stagnate, you’ll still get sick (though I haven’t in over a year and a half!), and you’ll still have arguments with people over totally stupid things.
Doesn’t that sound totally different than being happy?
Well, the two can coexist. The difference is how you react to your bad days and the tests that are thrown your way.
Willpower Is the Difference
Your resilience determines how well you’ll get through these tests.
Put simply, how resilient and strong you are is responsible for how you get through your bad days and annoying coworkers.
Even when the whole world – including yourself – feels like it’s against you, it’s up to you to put your foot down and say that you are not going to let it affect you.
You have to have the self-trust to know that, whatever the world throws at you, you can make it into a winning hand, so to speak.
The challenges – the bad days, mistakes, tough work projects, all-nighters, whatever – will always be there, no matter how happy and positive you are. Again: if you’re not getting challenged, you’re not growing. As they say – if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.
What determines how successful you are is how you handle those challenges.
Do you procrastinate and do whatever you can to hide from them? You’re just delaying the inevitable and are not going to get great results.
But, if you look them in the eye, stare them down, and don’t allow them to control you, facing them with a cool self-assuredness that you will succeed – you will.
Whenever you feel that pull of negative emotions like fear around your heart, steel yourself. No matter what, stay in the fight, face your challenges, and reap the rewards.
Because, really, every single day has its own set of challenges.
The only time when the challenges end is when your body is in a pine box.
Everyday we have a choice. We can absolutely choose how we want to feel in a given moment. With any circumstances we get to choose what it means.
So in each moment we can as you say, choose to stay on guard, choose and win.
Hey Jarrod,
Yup, everything’s a choice. How we react to things is our choice – we’re not robots – and by choosing the best possible reaction, we can win against our demons every time.
Thanks for your comment!
Hey Brett,
Yeah you got it right. You will never ever be truly 100% constantly happy.
But the question is: Would you want that?
You need downs to make the ups better. You need tough times that require all your last energy, wit and creativity to make you stronger for other difficult times.
You need to experience bad to really appreciate the good.
The challenges never stop, not until the day that you die. There will always be something, but that is what makes life fun and interesting and so awesome. That unpredictability, that uncertainty of never knowing how long something will stay bad or good. That awesome feeling you get when you find $50 in your jeans that you didn’t know you had.
Just keep your head high and have some good friends who will help you when you’re going through tough times!
Cheers
Diggy
Hey Diggy!
I think everyone who’s “gone the distance” in the self-improvement process, like you and me, can attest to the fact that our transformation and our better lives are so much sweeter because we suffered for so long in the first place.
The counterintuitive thing is that we still suffer, even after we’ve radically changed ourselves for the better. That just makes the goodtimes we have so much better.
And yeah, a good group of friends always helps
Cheers!
As Helen Keller said, “Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye.” Success might not be easy to attain, but certainly the journey is full of joy. Just be bold.
M.A., my man – that’s an awesome quote.
Fortune favors the bold indeed.
Thanks for the comment!
As soon as I awake, I begin each day creating a mental gratitude list. I run through my mind all of the things I am grateful for. I will give thanks for things like my health, my family, my friends, my home, where I get to live; the list can be quite long. We all have so much to be grateful for. You should even be grateful for the challenges, struggles, and trials you currently have because they are only strengthening your character and stimulating growth. If you and everyone you know were to throw all of your problems into one big pile, once you saw what everyone else was dealing with you would quickly snatch up all of your problems and take them back. So, be grateful for your challenges, too. An additional benefit of running through your gratitude list is that the emotions of gratitude and fear cannot exist at the same time. Being grateful causes fear to disappear, which allows you to perform. Start the day by being grateful… even for your challenges.
Hey Matt,
Yes, yes, and yes. Being grateful for what you have does wonders for your inner peace. It doesn’t mean, however, that you shouldn’t strive for more
One can be very grateful yet still be striving for improvement – you just can’t stake your identity on the outcome of anything you do.
Thanks for your comment!
We do have a choice to be happy. Sometimes the “monkey mind” runs the show, and we forget that happiness is something you can have at any given time. The way you react to people and situations is a choice. If you have a negative reaction, go within and see what’s triggering your response. Here’s a popular affirmation: “I’m willing to release that part of me which gets irritated when I think about you.” Give it a try!
Hey Rebecca,
I’m not a fan of affirmations, but you’re right – we need to go within and feel happiness all the time. I like to say that I’m the source of all good emotions; the implication is that I should never rely on external things to give me happiness because it’s always within (though, again, I don’t use it as an affirmation).
The Resistance (or our reptilian brain) loves to make excuses for us – it loves to say why we can’t be happy. We should ignore it.
It is always good to pay now and play later than to play now and pay later. Anybody that assures you success will come easy is telling you a joke of the century. Challenges are there to test our strength and ability. Life will not always be one straight road and situations will sometimes get tougher than you expect but you need to persevere and be of one mind. Weeping may endure for a night but surely joy cometh in the morning.
The joy of success is much more pleasant than the pain you will have to endure on your way up. Prepare your mind for challenges, disappointments, embrassments, problems, insults and the rest. Make up your mind that none of those stuffs will stop you from progressing. Wishing you more success in life.
Cheers.
Hey Paul,
Absolutely. Everything you said is dead on. I’ve got nothing to add!
Thanks for your comment
Great article!
My experience suggests that if we define happiness as strictly an emotion that comes and goes, then we objectify it and make it something to attain and something that consequently can be lost. If you realize that happiness is not fleeting, but the context of well being in which all the emotions happen, you begin to see that all of the emotions point you in the direction of that well being. They aren’t something to be resisted, which is the root of suffering. They are invitations. Depression is an invitation to become powerful. Anger is an invitation to become just. Fear is an invitation to expand. Happiness as the context allows all the other emotions to have their proper place and purpose.
Hey Franklin,
I’ve never thought of emotions pointing you in the direction of well-being, but man – that makes tons of sense. Perfect sense, really.
The next question is: if our emotions are always pushing us toward well-being, should we always trust them as an inner compass?
I’d argue no. Emotions can be deceiving – look what hate, jealousy, and excessive pride have done to the world. But, in the right context, as you say, they can be excellent at guiding us.
Thank you so much for that insight and your comment! I hope to see more comments from you in the future
This is excellent! If you choose to be happy you will. If I find myself slipping, I stop fast! Nothing bad lasts forever, so let it let the universe flow. What you resist you shall persist!
Hey Lisa,
Yes – “this too shall pass” applies both to the good and bad, unfortunately. The stream of life flows like water, and we can only flow with the current at times.
Of course – this can all exist within the context of you working to make your dreams a reality. You can work your tail off, but you have to accept what comes to you… You can’t take success or failure too seriously.
Thanks for your comments! I hope to see you around here more as well
Hi Brett,
Very nice post! You are right that we have to have the will to challenge everything and that we will always run into challenges in our life. Challenges are part of the growth process. Thanks for sharing
Hey Dia,
As always, thanks for your comment!
“Steel yourself” -couldn’t have said it better!
Believe me, a life without
challenges=you are already dead.Period.
Thank you for the reminder.
Pain is a given. It will always be there. Our is the choice on what we do with the pain in our lives.
I salute your for deciding to create a blog on personal development. You are not only helping yourself, you are also helping us, your readers, as well.
Thank you.
Hey Jef,
I didn’t create this blog; Glen Alsopp did. But yeah, I just write here and spread what I can. Thanks for your comment!
My biggest trouble is getting out of my comfort zone. I work most days, and I don’t have a lot of people I can go places with. I’m stuck at home a lot. It’s funny, most people try to avoid challenges, but at this point, I’m chasing them.
Do you have any suggestions for stepping out of my box?
Hey Jessi,
Like Niki, I’d rather establish a personal dialogue with you (pretty much because I would write a novel on this for you) – so I’d rather send you an email. Expect one within the next couple of days
Dear Brett,
I just wanted to say thank you for the post. I’ve re-posted it with thoughts of my own on my own blog – http://alearningaday.blogspot.com/2010/10/challenges-never-stop.html
Thanks and all the best!
Rohan
Brett, I shared this post on facebook last week, and not even realizing, just wrote a similar post on my blog at http://fearless-for-life.com/how-to-fail-and-succeed/ . You are very right, the challenges never stop. How boring life would be if they did. Instead we use them as fuel to get stronger. Keep it up!
Steve,
Thanks for sharing my post and continuing to write! Thanks for your kind words as well
Brett,
Last week when I saw your post, I liked it so much I shared it on facebook. This subject in particular is exactly why I started blogging. You are spot on on this one. Life would be boring indeed without challenges. I say bring ‘em on, and we’ll get stronger for it. If you would like to read my post check out Fearless for Life: How to fail and succeed. I’d love to get your feedback, and keep being awesome!
Faith is like a bird who feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark
Jessi’s comment resonated with me – I too get easily stuck in a comfort zone. Working full time and the pressures of being a grown up doesn’t seem to leave alot of time for new experiences.
I would love to know what suggestions you had for her?
Hey Elena!
I just sent you an email
Let me know if you got it and what you think!
Brett