Respect. What does it mean to you? Are you chasing it through mindless pursuits? Is the respect from your family and friends your main indicator of success? Or do you have an entirely different point of view?
Lately, I’ve spent a sickening amount of time contemplating why our world is so enamored with earning the respect of others; often forgetting to earn the respect of the only person that really matters: You
The Endless Pursuit
We want the amazing job so our friends and family will respect us.
We want the good grades so that we can be seen as intelligent and the next big thing.
We want to have the “perfect” relationship so people know we have what it takes.
But in blindly chasing respect from our family and friends, we often forget to earn our OWN respect. Now, don’t get me wrong, being respected by people you care about is an amazing feeling, but it means nothing if we don’t remember to love and cherish ourselves first.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you’re the center of the universe, and that you’re the only person that matters. But really, how often do you live for yourself?
How often do you do create art just because? How often do you indulge in the activities that bring you joy? How frequently do you spend time just being present, not caring about how much success or admiration it brings?
Busting your butt for good grades just so you can hang them up on your fridge is a worthless pursuit. Working a job you hate just so you can have the status of a “high roller”, is like being stuck listening to Miley Cyrus on repeat. Tolerating a relationship because you’re afraid of change does more harm than good.
Again, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t do your best, or that you should chase your happiness at the cost of others. What I am saying however, is at the end of the day, you need to be happy with yourself and the current path you’re on.
The Search Within
All the admiration in the world, will not fix the void that you yourself must fill. If you’re not happy with yourself everyone loses. Only when you respect yourself can you truly begin to pursue the change you so gracefully seek.
No particular accomplishment will make you respect yourself. Respect starts within. You must consciously choose to respect the very being you are. This isn’t easy. Many of us, including myself, have plenty of limiting beliefs that we must battle every step of the way.
When you’re battling with negative thoughts and struggling to find your calling, it’s difficult to respect your apparent misery. But the truth is we’ve all been there before. Contrary to popular belief, no one has it all figured out.
I could lie and say that I always believe in myself 100 percent. But to be honest, the last few months I’ve struggled with what this very blog post is about. I haven’t been respecting myself like I know I should. I haven’t been respecting my limits and have consequently struggled to find my state of flow. I’ve been chasing the respect of others at the cost of tuning out my soul.
Learning to respect yourself is an always evolving process. The more you respect yourself the easier it becomes. There will always be times of struggle, but by searching within you can reduce your struggle significantly.
Building Your Own Self Respect
I risk sounding painfully cliche, but it has to be said. I believe you are remarkable. Yes you. Question is, do you?
You’re reading this for a reason. Chances are, you have high aspirations and want to do tremendous things in the world, and for that fact alone you’re on the right path. While many people want to reshape the world, very few take the steps needed to. Start with self respect.
Here are a few steps to build your own self respect.
Forgive Yourself: You can’t have a healthy relationship with yourself if you continue live in the past. That time you came up short on your last project? It’s over. The time you suddenly lost your values and hurt someone you love? It’s OK. Not forgiving yourself isn’t you being strong, it’s you being stupid. Respecting yourself is the only way that you can make up for your shortcomings in the past.
Chase Your Dreams: Rather than chase the respect of your peers, instead chase your dreams. When you live each day with your goals in mind your energy is contagious. By chasing your dreams you’re saying you’re not afraid of coming up short. It means your OK with your shortcomings. Chasing your dreams is a sign up true respect.
Stop Beating Yourself Up: Because many of us want do amazing things in the world, we often feel let down if we don’t always hit the home run. But the truth, is even the smallest act can have a tremendous affect on humanity. Don’t think you have to push yourself to the point of exhaustion everyday to make a difference. Don’t expect little from your friends and family, and drown yourself with your own colossal expectations. Do what you can and be pleased with the result.
Commit: Right now, make the commitment to only focus on what you can control: respect for yourself. Let admiration and praise come when it’s time. Don’t waste a single moment worrying about how people regard you. Do what you do best and the respect will come.
The Chase Ends Here
Your ability to respect yourself is far more important than earning respect from anyone else, because when you learn to respect yourself, the seemingly endless search suddenly comes to a halt.
Only by respecting yourself, will you then begin to earn the respect of others. Only when you realize that you’re whole without the superficial high of praise can you find the happiness you seek.
Believe me when I say that when you don’t respect yourself, it seems like the world is out to get you. Yet when you begin loving yourself fully everything begins to change.
For just a moment, stop chasing the respect of your family and friends. For just a moment, start earning the respect of the person you so often neglect. The search for respect ends here. The search for respect ends with you.
This post speaks volumes to me. With the intention to please others and gain their respect often comes disregard for self. But, like you’ve said here, the chase can end if we end it. Kudos on an exceptional article.
Thanks Nea.
Glad you enjoyed it.
LOVE IT! This is so true man. I resonate so strongly with the part that talks about how being true to yourself = respecting yourself. I find it is so true.
I’ve felt so alive recently when I’ve been focusing on writing, focusing on my relationships, focusing on creativity and connecting. Thats the shit that gets me pumped.
I love waking up, focusing on my intention for the day, and getting excited for doing things that fire me up. There isn’t a substitute for that. When I spend my day doing things in which I’m NOT honoring my own joy, self love and self-respect, it sucks. I can get through it for a few weeks at a time, but I feel turned off and the quality of life drops.
This reminds me a bit of a post I just wrote on the “Shoulds” in our life – http://bit.ly/9bCUG7 – we get so caught up trying to live like we have been taught to, even when it isn’t the way we feel we should. I hadn’t considered the element of self respect in it, but I feel like it is what I was talking around. I was more advocating for living your own truth and experience. The harder way short term, easier way long term is to let go of the shoulds in life and respect yourself by being true to yourself.
Great post man
Hey Jonathan. Glad you resonated with the article man. As I mentioned in the post, I’ve been struggling with respecting myself lately so that’s why it feels so strong.
I’ll be sure to check out your article.
Nice post Bud!
Self respect is one of the reasons why I started my blog. I was a person who was enthusiast about a lot and starting a lot of things (read the first chapters of Origin of Species and the Bible) but I never finished or continued anything. Until my blog, I didn’t told anybody about it, not even my girlfriend, until it started to grow. That was the point where I actually continued something and now I have over 400 subscribers! Awesomeness.
The goals I set in my life are personal goals, goals to impress myself. But also to impress others, but I have myself at the first place!
Stefan.. blogging has literally transformed my life. Writing about personal development forces you to take a hard look at yourself which isn’t always hard.
Congrats on your 400 subscribers! Keep pushing on!
Great post – very helpful and things I need to hear/read and re-read.
You are so right!
I received the most respect from others from NOT worrying about what others thought and focusing more on MY desires.
Living life in search of respect or appreciation is like living life for money. These are just byproducts and tools. They can boost your happiness, but they cannot create it. Live for yourself and these extras will come.
Great post!
-Saint
Thanks for stopping by Street Saint.
A very simple truth that, sadly & ironically, most people seems to forget (blame it largely to the “social-conditioning” or brainwashing by media & society in majority).
Very. very. super. article!
), that I’ve started to *WAKE UP*, and realized that I’ve taken the WRONG PATH all this time, and yes, you hit it on spot Bud, it’s such an ENDLESS never-ending path, which ironically only made me depressed & felt worthless even more!
now I totally understand of why I’ve kinda ‘wasted’ my 20′s periods, because I kept trying to please my parents, please my uncle, etc etc, but since I don’t have energy/passion (& also, arguably, talents/skills) in those things, I can often only do it half-assed, then my parents etc got dissapointed in me, I went home become depressed, cursing myself, go back again next morning, do that half-assed work that I hate/bore me to tears, then get mocked & scorned again, often hear the word “useless child”, etc etc.
Only after I’ve got into a major depression condition on September-December last year, which brought me -very thankfully- to really amazing personal-development blogs like PluginId here, Lifehack, CelestineChua.com blog (a very amazing 25-yr old Singaporean girl’s blog, just very recently got coverage even in CNN! you might want to check it out Bud
I also love your comment, Street Saint, when you testified that only when you’re NOT worrying about what others thought, and truly respecting Yourself, that miraculously, you started to receive respects from others!
What’s more, it’s a TRUE form of respect, instead of the “kissing-ass” (the worst form of seeking respect) people.
This blog article alone would probably change my Life, starting from today!
Thank you Bud for writing such a ‘right-on-the-spot’ inspiring article, as usual!
^ i like that. except for the “probably.” we must be aware that every interaction, every breath, every word we read on a blog, set’s in motion, change. I think everytime we read a PLUGIN ID article or any other blog, we are changed for life. I think for the better. I am glad there are so many other people out there in the world that are AWAKE. change is the ONLY absolute we can guarantee and count on.
thanks bud, glen and all…
This article won’t change your life. Only you can.
I love Celes she’s a great person.
well… indirect change will always happen, with influence from every interaction… yes, it is up to you to make direct change that is quantifiable.
Hey man,
nice topic about Respect.
I used to play a game called grand theft auto (still the second version at the time). The motto was “respect is everything” and basically your character got a reputation.
If you went around killing people and stealing their cars, they would not respect you and actually want to kill you. But, if you were good and completed quests you would earn their respect and thus advance in the game.
I think respect applies to everything. To yourself, the people around you, your body and health, the world we live in, the grass we walk on and the animals that share the planet with us. It’s kind of like karma, if you respect things, they will respect you back. Disrespect things and life will be difficult.
Cool article Bud!
Dude I love Grand Theft Auto.. that game is sick!
Great analogy dude.
Excellent article. I think also acknowledging ourselves for when we do something that we wanted to do for ourselves can also help us build our own self respect.
Take my stopping smoking, if I hadn´t acknowledged and respected myself for not smoking for one day then I wouldn´t have continued onwards with it creating momentum that helped me move into weeks.
Everything starts with one step and as we praise ourselves for doing what we want to do, starting with that one step, we can gain momentum to keep on going, gaining more self-respect in the process.
You’re so right Tabitha. Again, respect from others is obviously a plus.. but you have to start with yourself first.
The relationship you have with yourself is often times the relationship you have with others. I liked how you mention that respect comes from wtihin. It comes from living a life where you buck trends and do what your passionate about. Others may think your crazy, but if your sucsesful you will have more than enough authority and respect from others.
Your relationship with yourself is a mirror to your other relationships.
This was so well written and very, very helpful for me. I’ve felt guilty for not wanting the “goals” that others wanted for me. Not anymore. Thank you.
Thanks Debbie! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.
Wait, I’m not the center of the Universe?! Seriously though, great post man. Just found the blog and I like what I see. Good point on forgiving yourself. I think we get too caught up in things when we fumble.
You’re not the center of the universe because I am.
Yep, self-respect comes from within you. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will respect you.
Thanks for this Bud. We have to realize that looking for respect from other people is futile if we don’t have respect for ourselves. I believe that if you have respect for yourself, then naturally other people will start to respect us because of the confidence you give off. It’s like happiness. Trying to search for happiness in external things is going to cause a never ending chase. Until one realizes that true happiness comes from within, then the search stops there. Great post Bud.
I agree bud
self respect must come from within in order to be felt, and if a person didn’t respect himself he won’t feel respectful even if people are respecting him
You summed up my post in one sentence.. impressive.
Bud,
Your post presents a very valid thesis. However, what is more interesting is your comment about how your post could be summarized in one sentence…
I have observed continuously in the blogosphere that an idea is expanded and extended excessively. What is the purpose of this? To provide a better explanation? To reach a goal of certain number of words per post? To retain the reader for a longer time?
I have noticed this happening in every kind of blogs, those written by famous bloggers and by unknown people. However, still, I think that brevity imroves blogging…
All the best,
Boris
Hey Boris.. you bring up a great point. Simplicity has it’s place, as does the more in depth article. I can’t speak for anyone else but when I write I say what I have to say no less or no more. Granted there are times when I could probably simplify a bit, but examples are important to the readers.
The truth is, everything could be simplified but then that wouldn’t do much for causing change.
Insightful response to a challenging question. This answer really shows you care about your readers. Keep up the good work man. I hope to influence as many people as you through the internet soon.
Bud,
Excellent post. Constantly trying to gain the respect of others when you can’t even respect yourself feels dirty. Your right, respecting yourself is the first step.
That’s when you can choose to do the “tremendous things in the world”. Respect comes much eiaser and feels better too.
Also, thanks for the email, I really appreciate how open and connected you are with your readers. You’ve helped me a lot in the past few weeks.
No worries dude. Glad I could help.
Very nice post. How could you love others if you don’t love yourself.
I like your almost film-esque ending by the way. It’s differently right.
“If you’re not happy with yourself everyone loses.”
I think this says it all. Very well written Bud. Thanks for being open and writing about this. Being a people pleaser is an endless cycle. When you start with your self first, everyone wins.
Mike
Great topic Bud, I’ve always felt that Respect is something we need to be more conscious of – both internally and externally. If we treated each other, and the entire planet, with respect many global problems would be dealt with by default. Pollution, hunger, poverty would not be tolerated.
Great post… All your hard work was worth it.. I have spent hundreds if not thousand’s of dollar’s on self help book’s and year’s of therapy.
your article on respect hit home it was exactly what I was looking for in all those book’s I bought.. I also have a blog..(on-line journal). http://feeds.feedburner.com/Myblog-mydiary. If you would like to check it out. All I can say at this moment is WOW!!!! I plan on reading everything on this feed.
your great.
Respect is something we grant ourselves and claim. If you try to get it from others you are going to be effected by their moods, their ups and downs over which you have little control. Go inside.
Nice implementaion buddy !!! you are really a true person !!! it seems to me that you are very emotional and sensitive person !!!
If its one thing that I try to always teach people through my blog and my products its that no matter what – always respect yourself above all else.
Because if you don’t, its a near-impossible task to get others to.
I answer emails from people every day that are so depressed about their physical attributes that they often don’t see that there are people that have overcome much worse than they look at themselves as being. Even though my site is centered around fitness-related topics, I think that at many points, its all intertwined.
You do a great job with this site. Keep it up.
Respect is something we grant ourselves and claim. If you try to get it from others you are going to be effected by their moods, their ups and downs over which you have little control. Go inside.
Really nice article Bud
Keep up the awesome content!