Here’s the problem with self-development as a quote-unquote “industry”: the entire success of the “business model” depends on people being stuck and not making any progress whatsoever. That means that, to sell more books/ebooks/courses/seminars/coaching sessions, people have to remain ‘stuck’ and never feel totally ‘developed’ to the point where they can get rid of personal development material completely.
So what happens? The self-development gurus of the world promise more, more, more, more, and more. They come out with new seminars full of “groundbreaking” new ideas that are going to blow your mind and make you into a successful, rich, attractive, smart, savvy, and fun person. They launch their new books that are based on the ideas in their seminars, so people who can’t afford the $500+ price tag to attend the seminars can still get the ideas in book form (and so the author can get on the New York Times Bestseller list). And then there are the people who have their own websites and blogs, and peddle their wisdom there, selling ebooks, one-on-one coaching, and e-courses. They’re rolling out new courses and books at least once a year too. If you add up all the self-development “gurus” and combine all their products, you have a truly giant mass of information that you can use to become that successful, rich, attractive person that gets renewed each year.
That’s a lot of reading material.
So, you know what ends up happening? People go through the books, implement one or two ideas for a short while, get frustrated when it ‘doesn’t work’, and then go buy the next book from another Tony Robbins or Debbie Ford or Echkart Tolle or whoever.
Now – I’m not trying to say that there’s some giant conspiracy among the self-development gurus to keep you from becoming your best self. Actually, they’re pretty cool people and want nothing but the best for you. The main problem is that people absolutely suck at taking advice and taking action – and the self-development gurus cash in on that, big time.
I’m sick of that kind of business model. I want results and actual change from my readers.
My Mission
My mission is this: I want people to feel like they’ve got their self-development ‘handled’. By ‘handled’, I mean they feel so good about themselves and the direction that their lives are taking that they don’t feel the need to ever read anything self-development related ever again (or at least, they get to the point where they only do it once a month or so).
That’s a tall order – especially considering the type of people who are in the self-development game, since they’re focused on constant, never-ending improvement.
But I think that self-development – and getting it ‘handled’ – is so much about your attitude and mindset that it is possible to get to the point where you feel like you just don’t need it anymore. It’s like taking the training wheels off your bike so you can ride with two wheels, like you’re supposed to.
Some people might take longer than others to stop reading self-development than others. But it’s my goal to get people feeling so whole, so alive, and so confident that they feel like they can live their lives without us “gurus” telling them what the best way to live is. It’s about imparting as much wisdom as possible and effecting the most change – not about selling the most ebooks or coaching so many people.
Simply put: I want people to grow, and I want my readers to outgrow me. I’d rather lose 50 readers because my work changed them for the better and they feel self-actualized than gain 100 readers that are just going to read my material without applying any of its principles.
I Want Your Stories
Here’s how you can help me on my mission: share your stories with me.
Tell me what you’re working on.
Tell me why you’re unhappy with yourself.
Tell me what it would take for you to be at the point where you wouldn’t need self-development material any more.
Tell me what your perfect day is like, and what you need help with in order to make it a reality.
Tell me your story: tell me who you are, what your life is like, and who you want to become.
Tell me what I can write on this blog that will help you achieve your dreams.
I want to hear it all, no matter who you are. I want to hear my readers – only through understanding you can I give you the help you seek.
The Iron Rules of Taking Advice
Before I leave you, though, I’m going to give you some simple rules for taking advice in self-development. They may be obvious, but I promise that they will help you grow a lot if you implement them. Remember: as Iron Rule #2 says, a principle or theory is useless unless you apply it in your life.
1. Reading one book five times is always better than reading five books once.
2. A principle or theory is useless unless you apply it in your life.
3. If you have your doubts about anything… Test it!
4. Tracking your actions always beats not tracking them. If you can, track how you implement specific advice and how well you do it. Make sure you review the things you track!
5. Build momentum by creating routines and habits – that’s the easiest way to make things ‘automatic.
That’s it and that’s all, folks. From here…
Please, please, please share your stories, suggestions, and thoughts with me in the comments section below! Also, feel free to email me at BrettPluginID [at] gmail.com if you want more direct, personal help!
Wao ! sometimes while reading your post i feel you like my alter ego. I was discussing about this topic with my friends.
1. It’s always better to read revise the highlighted areas of your book than to look for a new one.
I use my highlighted ares in this way:
1. R- Research it for more.
2. A- Act it by adding it on my MIT’s
3. T- Try it on my workplace and life
4. Q- Quote.
I totally believe that no matter how many information you have it will only count when you act on them and interpret in on your own. I fail a lot but it makes me happy when i beat the theory too.
Sudan,
That’s an awesome approach. I think I might steal your technique for revisiting your highlighted section in books
Thanks for providing some serious value!
Here’s an idea for the self-help gurus.
If not many (if any) people follow your advice or teachings… can you really say you’ve taught? Or did you just tell people something?
Teaching implies some-one has learned, not just listened.
BTW, you are right. I should track things more.
Bingo. Very good point, Neill. Very, very, very good point.
If no one’s learning for real, then you can’t say that you’ve taught. You’ve only pontificated.
Thanks for commenting!
Good post. I’ve read a heap of personal development books and blog posts. Only recently have I started to reduce the amount of personal development material I read. I realised that I wasn’t reading many new ideas and most of the advice out there I had already implemented or decided to ignore.
A lot of the time, I have a lot of trouble getting myself to do new things. I’ll be specific here – today, I was trying to find a date to my fraternity’s date night. Instead of just resolving to let one of the other brothers set me up, I wanted to find someone on my own. But I was scared. I was just going to let the day pass and give up. Then I decided that I had nothing to lose by actually trying. I made a couple of phone calls, and even though the girls I called ended up being too busy to be able to go, I still gave it a shot.
I want to overcome my fear of expressing myself and of being myself. I’ve tried a variety of techniques: three second rule, motivational sticky notes all around my room, sticky notes that I carry around with me that tell me what I need to do. A lot of it works. It works a whole lot better than when I was just reading material and not actually trying to effect positive change in my life.
That’s all I’ve got for right now. Great post as always!
Sloan,
That’s AWESOME. You’re the one person I know who comments on this blog who actually takes good, focused, direct action. That’s way better than I was at your stage, and I still think I grew pretty quickly. Keep at it.
My only question is this: why’d you give up after a couple of phone calls?
Thanks for commenting, Sloan – you’re doing all the right things! Don’t let the passion die out, man.
Is this really what is happening?
I think people develop themselves all their lives, but not necessarily all the time via that which is known as “personal development”. People can develop themselves by learning a language or a sport too. I would expect people to spend some time of their lives on “personal development” but also to, after a few years of that, go pursue something else.
I am seeing that in myself too. I first got into contact with personal development in 2007. I took immediate action in the sense of getting up earlier, starting to do some sport (running), starting to keep a more organized set of todo-lists and so on. Later I did things like implementing all of GTD, starting to eat healthier, practicing emotional mastery, reading a lot about relationhships, and so on.
Now I mostly use PD material to keep my motivation up, but I do not feel I urgently need to work on something in the PD sense. I have a programming project that I am doing besides my work and I have been dating the same guy for two months now. At the moment I like these forms of growth that come from experiencing things without doing much that would be dubbed PD. I think this is the natural course of things. A person had better not do the same thing all the time.
Chris,
I think that, for a lot of people who consume “traditional” self-development material, this is what happens.
I also think you’re right about people who develop themselves by other routes. My goal is to get them to move away from “traditional” personal development material so they can go explore their potential in other directions – life’s too short to worry about your sense of confidence, identity, and inner strength as your main goal. It’s one thing to get it taken care of, but if you achieve “self-actualization” (whatever that means to you) and don’t express it by developing skills, it’s kind of worthless.
I’m in the same boat as you regarding PD. I’m focused on a lot of other things right now, but PD keeps me motivated and centered.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Chris! You should do that more often – I like the way you think
I won’t say much here on this post,
just want to say that this is why I *always* love reading what you’ve wrote, Brett, because I can sense/feel that it’s filled with Realism (or put in much blatant direct way: no bullshits), and the fact that you actually DARE to challenge the ‘status-quo’ of what so many hundreds of so-called “Personal Development gurus” out there would NEVER dare to say the stuff that you said here!
and that, my friend, is very REAL and powerful.
and I applaud you for there, highly and truly.
Keep up the raw honesty! Trust me, your genuine readers will really love it, like I do.
Thanks so much, Niki! I do my best to keep it real around here – otherwise, I wouldn’t be practicing what I preach!
I love your comments as much as you love my posts, brother
Hope all is well in your corner of the world!
Good to see you tackle this issue, Brett. Some personal development bloggers have been giving up their sites because they’ve seen this problem. There are other reasons for the number of readers to fail to diminish.
1. While some people are finding answers and moving on to better lives, new people are realizing they need change and reading PD. The people you’ve helped are busy elsewhere and you don’t see the good you’ve done.
2. Some people use motivation and personal development to overcome anxiety, depression and other negative states. Once the negativity is overcome, they have relief from suffering and stop there. Eventually, they need to learn to take the process through to the goal. Motivation inspires working on personal development. Personal development’s true value requires making life changes. Life change is a different kind of knowledge: relationships, education, work, entrepreneurship… changes that can wipe out the root causes of unhappiness.
Thanks for the post.
David,
I think you’re right. I have no illusions that I’m going to lose readers when they realize they’re developed enough to not need personal development because their suffering’s over – that’s actually what I want! However, the question is, then: how do I attract the suffering here so I can help them?
I don’t know. One day, I’ll find out.
Thanks for sharing your compelling thoughts with me, David
Like Chris, I really like the way you think!