This is a post that was always going to have to be written, and the one that I’ve been the most fearful of writing: the main reason being that helping people plugin to their identity is the backbone of this website. The reason I want to help people plugin to their identity is that there are so many of us working jobs we dislike, settling for second best and living life unconsciously.
As I said in the introductory post, if I can help just one person realise their full potential then I’ve done my job in making the world a better place. It’s not the same as helping 100 or 1,000 people but hopefully continued writing, learning and sharing will allow me to reach out to that volume of readers.
What is our Identity?
Your identity is who you are; it is what you stand for. It is the you as a child who was willing to dream big, it is you as an adult who realises you could be doing more. It is our core self that is left when we have lost everything we have given mental value. Everyone has a view of who they are and what they are about, yet it is often the case that this identity is based on something other than their actual identity.
Some examples of this include:
- A guy with the hot girlfriend who views himself as “the guy with the hot girlfriend” instead of “the guy”
- Someone who is rich or has a lot of material possessions and feels a loss when they are no longer in financial abundance
- The model who couldn’t see herself doing anything else and expects people to act differently to her because of her looks (also see situational confidence)
A false identity that people often have of themselves is most often caused by one of two things: incessant mind activity or attaching value to something external.
In an ideal world I’m not even sure if we would be able to describe our identities other than being: “I am me” and “You are you”. Sure the model might be pretty, but that is not who she is, it’s just an opinion based on her physical appearance.
Plugging in to your Identity
Now that we know our identity is who we are on a deep, core level and not what society wants us to believe, how do we tap that and start to live a life of happiness, success and abundance?
Luckily for you I’ve found the answer, it is not a one-liner that is going to change your life (when is anything that easy?) but it is a set of rules you can follow to help you along the path of discovery. You see, before I moved to Cape Town in September, I was at a point in my life where I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, who I really was and to be honest my thoughts were all over the place. I’ve spent the last 8 months before starting this blog, really finding out who I am or at least being able to show the world that in comfort.
1. Have a Core Set of Values
We all have a core set of values, just not all of us allow ourselves to use them and make sure that others around us actually follow them. For example, my friends who are very aware of their identity will not date girls who smoke. No matter how attractive this girl is or how well they connect, they will not date her because their values don’t align with accepting smoking.
One of my own core values is to ‘be authentic’ and in turn that leads to others being more authentic around you. We all know the people that like to brag about the size of their house or how much money you are earning, if you can actually bring them down a notch and be more human in your response “Yeah I’m doing OK financially, not that it really matters”. Notice how they react as it’s likely you’ll see them starting to be authentic themselves.
Having a core set of values allows you to stick to what you believe in, determines how others act around you and in-turn helps you to bring the best out of others.
2. Write down your Goals
What are your goals in life? Think about that for a second. Now imagine that there is no such thing as failure and you can do anything you want, what are your goals now? Write those down as those are your real goals. Some of my goals are:
- Build a successful business through PluginID
- Help as many people as possible on the way
- Use any income to come up with new ways to help more people
- Empower everyone I meet to plugin to their real identity
It doesn’t matter what your goals are, but you should have them; it is often the case that they will be based around your passion. Goals work because they give you clarity, a clear focus and an abundance mindset that you achieve whatever you want to achieve; there is no such thing as failing to achieve your goals, only quitting the journey. Nobody was ever able to find their true self with worry and constant thinking on their mind.
3. Evaluate your Current Life Situation
Now that you understand more about your true identity, have a set of core values that you want to implement into your life and have a list of goals, look close to home. Are you living a life is filled with your core values, if you want to help people are you actually doing it? If you want to be nice to everyone are you still getting frustrated with people for small things?
The same can be looked at for your work environment, does it align with what your real goals in life are or are you just taking the “easy” option and playing the safe card. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.
If your job isn’t going anywhere and certainly not allowing you to live the life you want then look at ways you can get out of it.
4. Act through your Intentions
This can be the most difficult to implement but is the one that has helped me grow the most, and that is acting through your intentions. We all know what our intentions are, it can just be a battle to give ourselves permission to actually act them out; examples of this include:
- Seeing a girl at a bar you want to talk too but you are too afraid
- Seeing a job you want to apply for but you don’t think you have what it takes
- Wanting to make a career change but don’t want to lose your job security
- Have an urge to sing in the street but care what people think of you
If you had of been acting through your intentions in those situations you could have a hot new girlfriend, a new job that you are actually passionate about with a thrill of uncertainty and new-found confidence. Of course, if you feel like killing someone I’m not saying to go out and do that, use your common sense but also take some calculated risks.
What is the worst that could happen? Oh yeah, you’ll just be in the same situation you are now.
5. Stop caring what People Think
I understand this is the most difficult, but plugging into your identity was never supposed to be easy, the reward at the end is just too great. Some of you may be lucky in that you really don’t care too much what people think about you and act how you want.
Don’t act like an idiot, but not caring what people think is the best way to act through your own intentions.
How do you stop caring what people think? Just stop caring. Their really is no other way. It’s like saying how do I drop a ball, just let go and drop it. You have to realise that no matter what people think of you or how they act towards you, it is nothing to do with your real identity, more to do with how they are feeling at a certain time or place. Not caring what people think is in my opinion the best way to open yourself up to the world, take calculated risks you were born to take and find your core self shining through.
Piecing this all Together
I don’t want to say too much here because if you’ve read all this through you really should have an idea of what steps you want to take next in your life. Whether it is simply giving yourself the time to write down your goals and values or practicing acting through your own intentions the next time you let your mind / ego put you off from doing something.
When I’m often fearful of peoples reactions I often think to myself…”If this was my last day alive, how would I live it?” Because I know for a fact, I certainly wouldn’t waste time caring what people think.
You may have found your true identity when you are cracking jokes with your friends, in a place of utter happiness or even under the influence of drugs / alcohol. You can get that feeling back, and you can bring it into your life on a more regular basis. Because when you find it, there is no better feeling, and you are in the best position in the world to help others experience the same thing.