Sorry for the less than descriptive title, but I recently had a “mini-epiphany” or what I call a mindgasm and wanted to share my thoughts. To follow along, I want you to think of all the goals you have in life. They could be earning more money, leaving your job, becoming more confident, losing weight, or anything like that. Just think of a few right now.
Next, I want you to think about what stops you from achieving those goals. Does too much competition stop you from building a business? Do you not have enough time to get things done? Does your social anxiety stop you becoming confident? Does your slow metabolism stop you from losing weight?
Whatever your reasoning is for not achieving your goals, you do have reasons. Now my mindgasm (there’s more) involves knowing that in addition to these reasons (excuses), we have resistance:
- “If I didn’t have this social anxiety, I could be so confident and outgoing”
- “If I was better looking I could find an attractive partner”
- “If I was more tech-savvy I could be making money online and quit my job”
The first example resists social anxiety, the second resists your level of attractiveness, and the third resists your computer skills.
Before I explain why this matters, let’s look at opposites real quick.
Everything Has a Counterpart
Well, most things do anyway. We have fat vs. thin, tall vs. short, rich vs. poor, ugly vs. pretty, love vs. hate (or indifference), fast vs. slow, smart vs. dumb and so on. I could list thousands more, but I’m sure you get the picture.
If we take this a little further, we could also say that:
- If there were no tall people, there would be no short people.
- If there were no rich people, there would be no poor people.
- If there was no space, there would be things.
If everybody was the same height, we wouldn’t need the words short and tall. People would just be…whatever they are. If everyone had exactly the same income and outgoings, we wouldn’t need the words rich and poor. Yet, we can’t have one without the other. There can’t be tall people without short people. There can’t be rich people without realising ‘rich’ means they have more money than someone else (the poor).
Your Excuses Have an Opposite
Now let’s go back to the excuses (and resistance) you conjure up to explain why you don’t achieve your goals. Instead of resisting the reasons you have for why you’re not achieving your goals, look instead to see if you’re just resisting the outcome of the goal, rather than the process.
For example, say you’re shy / socially awkward and want to develop confidence. You believe you have social anxiety and think that if you didn’t, then life would be great.Â Your ‘problems’ would just disappear. Well, maybe…just maybe…the opposite is the case. It’s not the social anxiety holding you back, it’s the actual possibility of being who you want to be. You’re actually resisting being a highly social person.
Or we could look at getting a partner as another example. Instead of having your ‘looks excuse’ to use as a reason for why you can’t get a girlfriend or boyfriend, maybe you’re just scared of being that attractive person. I mean, have you really tested the belief? Maybe you don’t know what life would be like without this problem anymore, so you just cling on to it.
I’m not going to end this post with action steps as I normally do because, quite honestly, I don’t have any. Instead, once I realised that I can be who I want to be right now if I just stop resisting it, I had a major internal shift.
And finally, let me end with a question. If someone who has been known as chronically shy their entire life gets up on stage in front of 2,000 people and gives a powerful, confident speech, what are they? Are they still shy? I’m not looking for answers, but think about it. Look inside to see if your excuses are real, or you’re just resisting being who you’re meant to be.
Either way, you can change. Right now.