In my last post, I talked about taking disagreements and differences with open arms and how doing this can actually help you nurture your relationship. That it helps you have a colorful life that’s never dull. But what if in embracing all these disagreements, life gives you punches? When is it time to give up, opt out, and move on?
When to end a relationship is really tough to answer. And this is not only with your personal relationships, but also with your office, your business or with your whole career. How do you know when you should stay and when it’s time to move on? There’s always something that will keep you hanging on. You’d always think if you’ll regret the decision of leaving later on.
I don’t have a concrete answer. But what I can share with you are some more questions we can ask ourselves when faced with this type of situation. Some of these I’ve used when I was making some decisions in life and some I’ve gathered from people I’ve met along the way.
Is the thought of leaving or moving out of the relationship a result of a broken trust?
From intimate relationships to business partnerships, many relationships fall apart because of this. There are people who’ve been able to reconnect after a major experience of broken trust. There are those who’ve been able to make everything better the second time around. But there are those who just had to go their separate ways.
* Will you be able to forgive the person who broke your trust? Forgiving and getting back together again are two different things. You can forgive the other person and still move on without him or her. Otherwise, will you be willing and able to start your relationship with that same person once more on a clean slate?
* Has that person been habitually lying to you? Will you be able to live with or work with someone who’s been lying to you? If yes, until when?
Have you recently talked to each other?
Maybe you’re in a long-distance relationship or maybe you’re seeing each other everyday – even living under the same roof. But have you really spent time together? Do you talk often? Do you talk enough to be up-to-date with what’s happening with the each other?
It may sound ridiculous, but sometimes, we may be seeing each other everyday without really knowing one another. We don’t know what the other thinks or feels about this and that. There are times we decide on our own without asking the other of his thoughts and opinions.
* If you think you’ve drifted apart because you haven’t really spent time together and haven’t talked to each other, do you want to give it another shot? Do you think spending more time together and really talking about what’s going on with each other can do the trick?
* On the other hand, is the other person just giving lame excuses about lack of time and communication? Are you certain about it?
Is it the other person’s attitude or outlook?
There are times that we’ve seen some not-so-pleasant qualities in a person and we still try to give the relationship a chance, because we saw some other good things in him or her. In the first place, no one is perfect. We all have our flaws. But sometimes the relationship turns sour. Do you stay and try to save it or opt out of it?
* Is the other person’s attitude that’s bothering you really getting in the way of the relationship? Or are you just making it as an excuse?
* Have you talked to him or her about it? Has he or she made effort in trying to make himself or herself better? Did the other person just ignored your plea and seemed to never care about how you think or feel?
Is it about a third party in the relationship?
This doesn’t mean someone being unfaithful and having an affair. This is about letting other people or other things meddle in your relationship – families, colleagues, friends, finances, career, etc.
* Have you talked about that particular person or thing that’s making a wedge between you and the other party? Maybe what or who you’re thinking of isn’t really the root cause of your problem.
* Is that person or thing more important than either of you and your relationship? Is him, her or it really worth losing the relationship?
* In cases of finances and career, most especially, is it possible that you can help solve the problem? Maybe it can even help you become closer, instead of ending up estranged.
But what’s the ultimate question?
Are you capable of making a rational decision right now?
I’ve mentioned this concept in my previous article about communication. I’ve learned that it’s never wise to decide when you’re too emotional.
I’m sure that if you’re in a situation right now where you’re about to decide whether to stay or move on, you’ve got many other questions running through your mind. Before we attempt to answer any of the question that I’ve written here and all the others that you’re already thinking of, let’s be sure that we’re not angry, jealous or even the least bit irritated. It’s definitely not easy, but it would be harder for you to live with regrets and irreparable damage due to irrational decisions.