10 Things You Are Not
Glen / 
37 Comments / 
September 17th, 2008 / 
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This site is all about plugging into your true identity, finding happiness in everyday life and being the person you want to be. To help with that mission, I wanted to point out all the things that we are not, fight club style.
Don’t think of this as me wanting to bring negativity into your day, it is more a list that will help to bring a clearer understanding of identity. I’m simply stating that all the things you think make up who you are, really don’t.
10 Things You are Not
- You are not the clothes in your wardrobe
- You are not the car you drive
- You are not what people criticize about you
- You are not what people praise about you
- You are not the size of your bank balance
- You are not your job
- You are not the countries you’ve visited
- You are not the people you know
- You are not your career
- You are not your mind
If you think your identity is based around and of these, then you are unplugged. There is no harm in wanting to drive a nice car or make a decent salary, but if you are basing your sense of self from them then you are not plugged into your identity. All these things make up your external identity, your true identity is your core identity, who you really are.
In this mode you are also likely to seek validation from others to ensure all these things are ‘good’ to have and that people think more of you for them. In this mode or mindset you are also constantly looking for more to increase your status and you are probably left feeling like something is lacking, a feeling of that can only be described as…unfulfilled.
I believe true happiness can be found within, as that is the only place happiness comes from anyway. You shouldn’t look for possessions to bring enjoyment and pleasure into your life as they will never be enough and the feeling will be fleeting.
So, who am I?
It’s quite a paradox to state the things you are not, and then tell you what you are. Simply because it would just add another layer onto your sense of self, and if you read the path of identity then you know that is pointless.
Be aware of your reaction
After reading all of the things you are not, you may be resisting what I’m saying or you may accept it for what it is. If you are resisting it, I assume you already base part of your identity on some of these things. Bare with me for one minute and look closer to home, who is resisting what I’ve typed. Is it you, or is it something inside you that doesn’t like reading those words, do you have a choice whether to resist or accept?
In reality, I can’t tell you who you are. If I tell you that you are:
- Confident
- Funny
- Loveable
- Likeable
- Social
- Friendly
Does it make it true? Do you believe it? Probably not. As Ecky would say, you are the underlying acceptance behind the words. You are whatever is left when you realise that objects of form don’t make you who you are. If you are rich and see yourself as a rich person, would bankruptcy mean that you are dead? Would you still not have the same personal qualities (and flaws) that you previously had, think about that one.
If you enjoyed this post, I would appreciate if you share it on Twitter, Facebook or Delicious!
Would you agree with:
11. You are not your relationship?
A bit harsh maybe, but if you see yourself as a husband, girlfriend, father, etc. what happen if you break up or if your loved one pass away?
Another excellent post btw. Keep them coming!
Andrea
DEFINITELY, I see guys who identify themselves with their girlfriends all the time, as if they make them who they are…shame.
Great addition Andrea, thanks!
I agree completely! And I’m so #3 & #4. I work hard at disconnecting my sense of self from the opinions of others, but I’m such a validation junkie!
That and patience are the two biggest challenges in my life. I’m learning patience and learning to value myself from within, but it comes slowly.
(Stumbled BTW).
Cheers,
Alex
I was like that recently but I’ve really start to find myself from within, it means you aren’t constantly pinging your surroundings to make sure you are cool or fit in
Thanks for the stumble & comment!
This post is very interesting to me. I was recently asked to describe myself. Before it would have been easy to do so. But not anymore. I could not find the words to describe who I really am within. After having lived my life for so many years, I am still in the process of self discovery. There is much about me that is yet to be discovered!
It’s a semi-paradox I guess. For practical reasons we have to list qualities we might have:
- Positive
- Hard working
- Authentic
- etc.
Just don’t identify with them, really they are nothing more than words and the meaning we give them, although I see them as very important qualities (words) to have
The only one that stands out to me is #10. ‘You are not your mind.’
What exactly do you mean by that? I would say your mind plays a HUGE part in who you are. So either I’m misunderstanding, or maybe i need to Plug in
http://yinvsyang.com/
You are not your mind basically means that you are not your mind made image of yourself. Your mind might make you think you are a shy person, a cool person, a person who people look up too etc, any of these, and because of that you base your sense of self on your thoughts, often derived from the ego.
For example, you may get angry when someone insults something you base yourself as, let’s say your car. Who is it that is really angry, your anger may be an auto-response. I think one of the best ways to understand the mind is to start to watch it, a good test in the book, the power of now is this:
“Stop, and sit still, close your eyes. Now, try and watch for the next thought, catch it like a mouse coming out of a hole”. Observe.
It may take a while, but the thought will come, who is having that thought, you or your mind. If you are watching your mind and your thoughts, you can not be them. Fact?
I’m sure I’ll do a post that covers this in more detail in future, hopefully that helps for now
Great help. Well put.
The first rule about fight club is:
YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB
The second rule about fight club is:
YOU DO NOT! TALK ABOUT FIGHTCLUB!!
I agree about the true happiness from within part.
Add eckys quote about him sitting on parkbenches for two years:)
Hey buddy, thanks for stopping by
You can put your site in the URL field if you want
As I look around at blogs these days, I see so many lists: 10 things; 10 ways; 10 bloggers; 10 commentators. It seems our culture is absorbing information in bytes from the computer and lists on the refrigerator door.
If it’s not on The List, does it count? If an idea doesn’t make THE LIST, is it really a good idea? If it’s not on THE LIST, is it real at all? Does it even exist?
If YOU’re not on THE LIST, are you real?
The identity markers snag us at every turn, needing to be slapped off like mosquitoes in a swamp.
I appreciate your point that we should have no list for who we are.
I’m off to write a blog entry on the 10 questions we have to ask ourselves about lists…
Hi Kip,
It’s actually interesting you bring that up. If I had it my way, a lot of posts wouldn’t be condensed into lists etc However, there are by far one of the best ways to get a post read.
You can’t deny they http://www.copyblogger.com/7-reasons-why-list-posts-will-always-work/
Do you feel real?
“If I had it my way…”
Ah, Glen, this doesn’t sound like the man who speaks of authenticity so forcefully a few entries ago. Are you writing your truth? or just trying to raise your numbers?
It’s a tough dilemma, I know. I thought alot about it this afternoon, and as much as I envy your rising count of readers, I think lists will never be conducive to the way I want my words to flow.
And, yeah, cool, I still do feel real!
Thanks for the link, I found some other good tips there.
If I have to change a title to a number and that will allow more people to click through and benefit then I’m happy to do this. The aim of a bigger readership is for a bigger audience I can help and share ideas with, nothing more, nothing less.
I should have extended my previous comment but was in a bit of a rush at the time. Basically, a title is the most important part of a blog post, and people are far more likely to click through and read a post if a title catches their eye. As the link I shared pointed out people believe:
– They can get lots of value
– It can be skimmed if needed
I doubt there is more than 3 blogs out of over 70 on the personal development blog list (http://www.pluginid.com/personal-development) that haven’t done a list post before. The top 10 certainly have.
However, I think if I didn’t come up with catchy titles sometimes I’m going to end up like wikihow or ehow because all my original titles start out as ‘How to’ which isn’t very creative.
The title is part of the fun, sorry if they offend you.
“…and share ideas with”
No offense taken in the slightest, just batting it back and forth. I am very impressed (not that that should mean anything) and respectful of your ideas. Your piece about authenticity especially rings true for me. I even mentioned you in my last entry.
Who am I? I am.
That was all I was going to say but upon reflection I am also my values. And I don’t mean those things I value like freedom. I mean I am the proclivities and tendencies that I’ve always been since the age of reason.
I am one who inspires and likes to be inspired for example. I’ll take that identity thank you.
I’ve also been an anti-list blogger but I’ve probably done 3 in a year. They do work out best for some ideas. Your post here for example Glen. The list is natural to the content here. I also like what you had to say about adapting so you can reach more folks.
Glen, I find this exercise very refreshing … maybe it’s because I’ve tried so many “I am …” methods and they’re beginning to lose their effectiveness and appeal. Sometimes we just need to flip things around and see ourselves from a different perspective. Disassociation with the identities we’ve become attached to can sometimes be difficult, but it can be a cleansing process that promotes growth.
This is very true since we all tend to think our life = who we are as a person, which is very wrong. We, ourselves, are the only ones who can define who we are. At the end of the day, you are the person you are, regardless of the life you live.
Could you please add my site to your links?
Keep up the hard work!
Excellent, EXCELLENT article! So many of us out here need to be taught this at an early age in this consumer targeted, status conscious world.
Thank you so much, you are exactly right!
This is like Patanjali yoga only made simple.
Hi Mindo,
I’m not familiar with Patanjali yoga but I’ll definitely check it out!
Cheers,
Glen
Some of mine.
You are not your college diploma.
You are not your stock picks.
You are not the size of you penis.
http://www.eminentgames.com – Tyler Durden Words of Wisdom.
But, you are what you eat… ironic, no
In a sense…yes
I think it’s interesting to see how my concept of “me” has evolved over the years. The things that I am are always changing, but I like that — otherwise, I think I’d feel stagnant.
Hi Glen,
I just read two of your posts, and being the usual skeptic, I wondered:
-If I do what I love, then I will be happy, because I know that I will be doing what I love, that is to say, it is my passion. But I will still be lonely. I don’t want to be lonely. I want to find someone that cares too. If I don’t, I won’t be happy.
-If I do what I love, then I will be happy, because I know that I am doing what I love most. But it cannot be seen or felt – it can only be understood…but if so, how do we know?
Hi Bleedy, I assume this is a common issue so thanks for asking.
I think first of all, before anything, you have to get your ‘internals’ sorted out. While I’m sure you don’t want to be alone for ever, you have to be at peace and not be looking for ‘more’ in that situation.
As a quick example, I had never lived on my own till I moved to Cape Town, SA. I absolutely hated being in my own place, looking forward to every weekend like it was christmas just so I could get out and see my friends.
Then, I started practicing things like this, and now I actually don’t mind being on my own or ‘alone’, I can achieve some amazing feelings without anyone around, and be at total peace.
I think once you have this inner side conquered, where you dont NEED things to happen to be at peace or feel a sense of joy, then you should move towards your passions.
It’s quite the paradox but the less you need someone in your life the more likely it is to happen. Just like the less I started looking for validation and approval from my friends, the more I started to get it.
Can you elaborate on that?
Yes. Thank You So Much for writing back Glen. I suppose I’m just going to trust you on that one then; the point you made about your validation and approval from your friends. Even so, I have NEVER heard of anything like that because it is such a STRANGE thing. It’s as if 2+2=4 was…not like that. So strange…and yet, I finally know what it finally means to be me [i.e. Everyone around me knows that I'm an atheist...because I'm not afraid to tell them anymore.]
Indeed…what you have written is good and all but, just as one my favorite authors, Charles Dickens, once said: “Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true”. And to answer your question, I was talking about love, Glen.
Wow, thanks for putting this up. I sometimes get so caught up I forget to really think.
I stumbled here, and I found your post very enlightening. The issue is if someone will truly follow these and take them to heart, or will it just go in the one ear and out the other? I hope that I will take these to heart also subconsciously and be able to plug in to my own identity. Thank you for sharing!
Great post Glen. I like the Fight Club style! Favorite movie and excellent book.
I’m learning more everyday by reading your blog posts. I actually use “Tudomo” and have under “Daily Tasks” – Read at least 2 Pulgin-ID articles lol
Love it!